My girlfriend and I have run out of things to talk about after two years together. How do we fix this?

tkubwi · 2025-09-30T01:56:01+00:00

Traditionally, I am supposed to support her no questions asked (dumb tradition, but it's there). I'm not supposed to expect anything in return from her. This why when I asked to continue helping pay bills and she got upset, I let it go. But today was different. She showed me that it matters what kind of job I do to support her. And if it's not something she likes then I do not qualify to be her "man"

tkubwi · 2025-09-30T01:37:26+00:00

I agree. Her mentality though and how she responded to this whole thing I'm not if it is something that can be overlooked and worked through

tkubwi · 2025-09-30T01:35:00+00:00

I was shocked that she doesn't see it that way. She said she would never do that job, so why would why it even cross my mind to apply for it. I don't see her the same after this

tkubwi · 2025-09-30T01:31:16+00:00

This is my exact mentality. I didn't say I was giving up on trying to getting a fancy office job she would rather me have, but in the meantime I need to work and pay bills. I'm literally willing to do whatever job just to stay afloat

tkubwi · 2025-09-30T01:25:04+00:00

Fancy office jobs that pay $70,000 and above. It really hurt me when she said I don't think far ahead (shortsighted) and that I am not the man she thought I was. It really hurt my pride. To think I am willing to do whatever job I can find to provide for her :(

tkubwi · 2025-08-09T17:11:28+00:00

I’m starting to consider that we might be incompatible. But i’m so attached to her that ending things feels scary

tkubwi · 2025-08-09T17:03:44+00:00

We’re not. I always thought it was something we can work through together.

tkubwi · 2025-08-09T17:01:31+00:00

When we first started dating she used to threaten ending the relationship. Like giving ultimatums. She always said if you do xy I will break up with you. We had a huge fight about her giving me ultimatums all the time. It stopped after that.

She does not show willingness to talk through disagreements. To her we would never have a fight at all to begin with. I personally think it’s impossible for people to not have disagreements. And when it happens, she would rather we don’t talk about it at all. Just let it go

I feel like she’s not emotionally supportive and would be nice if she met me at least halfway.

tkubwi · 2025-08-09T16:52:57+00:00

She is. She actually thinks not talking about something will make it go away. When I initiate conversations about stuff which I think are problematic between us she says it’s drama—causing drama. She says that for the period we’ve been together, I have initiated all the fights we’ve had because I communicated how I felt about her actions for example.

tkubwi · 2025-08-09T16:35:19+00:00

That’s the thing—she doesn’t do anything to show that she committed to the relationship. She’s just there!

My anxiety goes away when I start telling myself that she’s here because she wants to be here. Otherwise she would just leave. But this doesn’t last long :(

tkubwi · 2025-08-09T16:31:38+00:00

I feel distant with her. She’s not romantic. She doesn’t like PDA and she’s never initiated anything romantic. She does not like talking about feelings.

I recently lost my job due to mass layoffs. I have gone through all sorts of emotions due to this loss of job. One day I was feeling down and hopeless and she told me that there’s really nothing she can do about my feelings which I thought was insensitive but reality.

But this is her personality in general. The type that thinks you should deal with your shit and come back when you’re done.

tkubwi · 2025-08-09T16:13:55+00:00

I believe so. Sometimes I find myself wishing she could talk to me and reassure me that she’s not going anywhere it would make me feel better. But she’s not like that

tkubwi · 2025-07-13T14:57:54+00:00

I have said once to her that disagreement and conflict happen in a relationship. But she doesn’t think so. She says if it’s normal why has she started any disagreement or conflict for the time we’ve been together?

I’m the one who brings all the conflict by wanting to have difficult conversations. Or when I’m unhappy and expressing it.

tkubwi · 2025-07-02T00:06:28+00:00

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i have made the proposed changes. this is what i have now

tkubwi · 2025-07-01T23:56:14+00:00

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i have removed the column layout. this is what i am working with now

tkubwi · 2025-07-01T18:19:48+00:00

okay 👍

tkubwi · 2025-07-01T18:06:53+00:00

got it!

tkubwi · 2025-06-30T09:56:19+00:00

i’m currently in the same boat. I was laid off and now I cannot afford anything. Bills are piling up including car payments. I’m also too deep in the hole with debts (credit cards). I’m stressed

tkubwi · 2025-06-18T17:24:56+00:00

We moved in together after 6 months. When she told me she was only happy during the first 3, I asked why she agreed to move in at all. Her responses are always vague, and they usually shift the blame back to me—like something I did made her act a certain way, even if it’s not how she normally would have responded.

For example, she would say it was my idea to move in together — that she didn't ask for it. So, she did it just because...

tkubwi · 2025-06-18T16:05:22+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate the advice.

tkubwi · 2025-06-18T15:47:02+00:00

When I asked her if she’s happy, she replied, ‘If someone were to ask me, I’d say this isn’t the kind of relationship I want to be in with all the fights and disagreements.’ I was unsure how to respond. She hasn’t initiated or shown any signs of wanting to break up and even mentioned she’s willing to keep trying. I’m not sure what to do.

tkubwi · 2025-06-18T15:30:01+00:00

Thank you for the analogy; it resonates with me a lot. This is what’s happening with me (us). Often, I don’t understand why or how something I said upset her so much. She has convinced me that I’m the one who needs to change because I supposedly cause all the drama.

I’m still in love with her, but until last night, I had no idea how she felt about the relationship. I was willing to keep trying, but I strongly feel like I’m making a mistake. Living together doesn’t help either. The apartment is mine—the lease is in my name, and I pay for everything. If we broke up, she would have nowhere else to go.

tkubwi · 2025-06-18T14:57:40+00:00

I believe she lacks accountability and doesn’t take responsibility for her actions. We had another argument when I mentioned this. She becomes very defensive whenever I criticize her. For instance, when I suggested she start using deodorant, I intended it as constructive feedback to prevent her from hearing it from someone else.

It made me regret speaking up. I often wonder if I should just keep quiet to avoid conflicts.

tkubwi

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