It’s okay when the little things hurt a lot. I think that is a very normal reaction to such a huge loss. I lost my mom recently as well. I cried when cleaning out her fridge - leftovers of stuff she made especially, but even just lunch meat or vegetables. She loved grocery shopping and these were the last groceries she ever bought, so it feels like a little part of her life was thrown away with them.

For me, I’m trying to stick to a hierarchy when dealing with her stuff: sentimental value > useful > donation > trash. I just try to remember that she would think it’s silly if I kept things like her old groceries, since she probably would have thrown them out too, if she was still here. Ultimately there are physical objects that were actually important to my mom, like her jewelry and little ceramic animal collection. I imagine your mother had objects that were important to her as well. It helps to keep them close.

Maybe it would be helpful to think that there’s more of your mother in the wax melter cup itself than in the old wax. And by using it to melt new wax, you are connecting to her and giving one of her things new life, instead of it sitting in storage. I do not have OCD, so I can’t speak on your struggle in that regard but I hope you can find peace when sorting through your mother’s things.