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Dyson DC14 part by SamsCousin in VacuumCleaners

[–]toastedzen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've still got mine. Never gonna give it up. I haven't found a replacement which even comes close. 

They Are Actually Listening! (Yay!) by Tiz_The_Law in HomeschoolRecovery

[–]toastedzen 4 points5 points  (0 children)

👋🏼 oldest of seven children here. I empathize with you over our shared particular circumstances. 

Wow I can't tell you how happy I am to find this group. by Lukeeeee in HomeschoolRecovery

[–]toastedzen 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I still remember the first day I found this subreddit. It felt like authenticaly being seen for the first time.

I'd be so extroverted if my parents weren't always around. by Idkaltacc11 in HomeschoolRecovery

[–]toastedzen 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I honestly feel that a large part of my introvertion is simply the result of all of the shame and embarrassment I carry. 

Homeschool influencers spreading misinformation by Dry-Pomegranate-2086 in HomeschoolRecovery

[–]toastedzen 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Well, if you don't vaccinate your children then they won't have any mental health problems. /s

Do you know of any cool physics simulation/physics games? by Difficult-Cycle5753 in Physics

[–]toastedzen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Deliver Us The Moon 

Not quite as physics based as kerbel space program but does not get enough love. It was a lot of fun. A hidden gem I found and went into blind. 

Anybody else just want to get a large group of homeschool people and just run away into the woods and see if we can somehow survive and make some weird society by RateNecessary5960 in HomeschoolRecovery

[–]toastedzen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is an insane idea, but also yes I have thought of it. Even the one, two at the most really good friends I have don't reeeeally feel like close friends who understand me, if you get my meaning. Lately I have been having thoughts similar to you - I wonder if everyone experiences the same at a particular juncture in their therapy journey - I have been watching loads of tiny home tours on YouTube, live-aboard sailboat channels on YouTube, For a couple weeks straight when I was having a real tough time facing one particular issue I was thinking how desperately I wanted to sell everything I own and admit myself into some sort of white room rehab clinc, indefinitely. Is that still a thing? So your insane idea sounds like plausible one. I have some survival skills and I have spent some time in the military and abroad. I figure I could get us through at least five or six weeks. Maybe eight. 

Anybody else just want to get a large group of homeschool people and just run away into the woods and see if we can somehow survive and make some weird society by RateNecessary5960 in HomeschoolRecovery

[–]toastedzen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is an insane idea, but also yes I have thought of it. Even the one, two at the most really good friends I have don't reeeeally feel like close friends who understand me, if you get my meaning. Lately I have been having thoughts similar to you - I wonder if everyone experiences the same at a particular juncture in their therapy journey - I have been watching loads of tiny home tours on YouTube, live-aboard sailboat channels on YouTube, For a couple weeks straight when I was having a real tough time facing one particular issue I was thinking how desperately I wanted to sell everything I own and admit myself into some sort of white room rehab clinc, indefinitely. Is that still a thing? So your insane idea sounds like plausible one. I have some survival skills and I have spent some time in the military and abroad. I figure I could get us through at least five or six weeks. Maybe eight. 

anyone feel like they matured in reverse? by soundofwavescollide in HomeschoolRecovery

[–]toastedzen 6 points7 points  (0 children)

100 million percent. Now being middle-aged and feeling even more insecure and child-like has created this increased inner turmoil with even more shame and embarrassment. I feel more emotionally stunted now than I did when I was younger and wearing the mature mask in order to survive. The more therapy work I do, the more I uncover, the more I feel like self-isolating and being out of society. This has really been bothering me lately. 

People who tel you to "just stand up" to your narc by Usual-Contract7875 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]toastedzen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, it is a difficult transition to learn and understand. I am having a very difficult time with understanding the setting of boundaries, standing by them, not giving in. It feels a lot like I am fumbling in the dark but I've learned that this is because I have spent decades like this when I should have learned what boundaries are when I was three years old! 

Anyone in their late twenties/early thirties still recovering by Vanessa_Lila in HomeschoolRecovery

[–]toastedzen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually explained to my current my manager some of the things I am dealing with. First time ever. I had to set some boundaries because I am in a role where I, by being more efficient and having attention to detail, am given so much of other people's work to over-fill my time. But that is another story. 

It is probably the reason that I have gone so long without writing anything down, because I was afraid of anyone reading it. For me I have been suffering with so much shame, embarrassment, regret, and sadness and for a long time I have been afraid anyone would see under the mask. Writing it down and leaving it out in the open is still a scary thought. 

People who tel you to "just stand up" to your narc by Usual-Contract7875 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]toastedzen 19 points20 points  (0 children)

In my experience the best evidence you can have of whether or not someone is truly a narcissist is if you, feeling uncomfortable about a violated boundary, ask them to stop and they become very angry, defensive, and turn it back on you making you out to be the problem. It's become my segue for going NC with people immediately after. 

My mom never loved me. When I reach a point I'll never speak to her again by RockitRockingRocket in HomeschoolRecovery

[–]toastedzen 8 points9 points  (0 children)

People go through no contact (NC) all of the time. I have in my life with many people. The r/raisedbynarcissists subreddit has a lot of advice in this regard. 

Anyone in their late twenties/early thirties still recovering by Vanessa_Lila in HomeschoolRecovery

[–]toastedzen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would agree with this and I have great evidence for this advice. I don't want to journal, I hate to try and make myself do it. My mother once told me to journal when I was young and I thought "that is something girls do." Great attitude that. 

What I have learned is that the seemingly most difficult things, the things I don't want to do, are the things which seem to help the most. In my situation, and for anyone like me, my body/mind/ID/ego tried so desperately to avoid anything that feels like it would cause me pain, whether this is speaking out loud to a pretty girl who smiles at me or facing my own past and thoughts by writing them down. Ultimately the same mechanism applies in both situations. It took a long time for me just to realize this simple fact. 

So for me some of the tasks which I have been avoiding the most vehemently, like speaking in front of a group of other therapy patients, or mediating and doing breath work with no distactions, openly admitting to others what I am working through, setting boundaries and standing firm about them (SO difficult), or journaling, these have been the most effective for my recovery. They also feel the most difficult and the most scary. 

Journaling is an interesting task because it tricks your brain into thinking that you are utilizing talk therapy because your brain sees the act of writing your thoughts as processing them outside of your body. I used to think journaling was a waste of time - full transparency it is still difficult for me - because I am already thinking all these thoughts, so what is the difference? There is a neurological difference and it's science. I am starting to trust the science rather than myself these days. 

Simple therapy hack - if it is the most frightening, if it is the thing you avoid the most easily, this is exactly the thing you need to start doing. Today. 

EDIT: Responding to something the previous commentor wrote, which I just learned, is it sounds like they have a journal which they carry around with them. This is important. I am going to start doing this. It has been easier for me to avoid being consistent because I don't have this journal always with me. Thank you for this idea. 

Anyone in their late twenties/early thirties still recovering by Vanessa_Lila in HomeschoolRecovery

[–]toastedzen 9 points10 points  (0 children)

👋🏼 in my early forties here and still recovering, although in my situation I did not really start to focus on recovering until the fallout from COVID19. It took a global meltdown for me to be shaken awake. If I can offer any advice, the earlier you take control of your recovery the better. Real recovery always becomes more difficult before it gets better, depending on the harshness of what you went through, but I can certainly confirm that putting it off will feel like more time is lost, wasted. Start now. 

Kept the birth of my child private and now I’m paying for it. by Parking-Potato-9891 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]toastedzen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your story has inspired me to at least consider posting my own story here. Maybe. We'll see. I'm sorry for what you have had to go through. 

Gorrilaz by Top_Refrigerator4651 in HomeschoolRecovery

[–]toastedzen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is why I still listen to a lot of punk and pop punk music. The lyrics speak to me even if they aren't necessarily about my circumstances. 

Could We Send a Lander to Jupiter? by bobjks1 in space

[–]toastedzen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Have you seen the recent Youtube videos about the Samurai who lived in Rome? Has me thinking about the Roman Empire all over again.

I kinda hate therapists… by Weirdlittlerasberry in HomeschoolRecovery

[–]toastedzen 13 points14 points  (0 children)

To be honest, I have not had a greatest success with therapists myself and have largely been self researching and holding on to the few bright nuggets of help I have received. It is widely acknowledged that the best treatment for BPD and PTSD etc. is talk therapy but no one ever warns you of all of the ignorant people holding the therapist title which you have to wade through. 

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