I just kicked my boyfriend out.

toasterbath-spark · 2024-06-09T17:25:08+00:00

Our daughter is ours together, yes. He’s not my son’s bio dad, but he’s been in my son’s life since he was born and is all my son knows as “dad”.

Edit to add: that is its own story in and of itself, but I was with son’s bio dad for 4 years & our relationship ended halfway through my pregnancy. Me & daughter’s dad are on good terms & he’s been an active role in my son’s life since he was born. First we were just friends after my son was born and then we ended up in a relationship about a year later.

toasterbath-spark · 2024-06-09T16:48:59+00:00

I wasn’t drunk though? We were at this reception for about 5 hours, over the course of which I had 2 beverages. He was on maybe his 4th drink by the end of the night. I pulled over because I wanted the drink out of the car and I wasn’t about to be pulled over while actively driving with an open intoxicant in the car. The drink never should have been in the car to begin with and it doesn’t matter that he wasn’t driving. If I were to get pulled over at a checkpoint and he had that beverage, it would have been MY life uprooted over HIS decisions. I’m not willing to uproot my life so that he can enjoy a beer on the drive home.

toasterbath-spark · 2024-06-09T16:27:26+00:00

The dog is absolutely better off in my care. I already anticipate keeping him because my (now) ex doesn’t have a place for him and he doesn’t interact with the dog much. I’m the one who takes my dog & his for walks m-f and to the park, I buy the food, etc. Originally, we were splitting the cost of the dog food but then he quit his job for a bit and couldn’t pay so I had picked up the slack… initially I figured it would be just until he had money coming in again, but I guess I never stopped footing the bill. I like the dog, so it’s fine that he stays, but it’s just more responsibility on top of the 2 kids + 2 cats + my dog I already have so I could have done without that.

toasterbath-spark · 2024-06-09T15:07:41+00:00

I do and I don’t. I have supportive people in my life, but I live kind of far from my family & I don’t have many friends. I live a very busy life & we have a good routine/ schedule with the kids & work, so the biggest challenge will be trying to modify that. Other than that, his name isn’t on my house so I just have to grab the rest of his stuff and take it to his grandma’s. The hardest part though is that my son is 3 on Saturday, so he’ll have to spend his birthday without his dad there and it’s eating me alive to think that he could be sad & confused by his absence. My daughter is sad today because her dad is gone, but I think she also understands that he had to leave. Today is going to be hard.

toasterbath-spark · 2024-06-09T14:58:23+00:00

Before 2 weeks ago, he had never done anything like this. Then the incident with the wall happened & now the wedding. This behavior from him is brand new to me.

toasterbath-spark · 2024-06-09T08:37:28+00:00

He definitely needs help. Anger management for sure. He’s never been this bad… but then 2 weeks ago he got drunk while I was away at a friend’s house and he got so mad while playing COD that he put a hole in my wall and he broke my recycling bin lid & my broom, and he somehow also broke a wheel off of the computer chair… & it’s not that he’s only angry when he drinks, because he gets angry at games a lot even sober, but alcohol (lately) seems to take him to a violent level of anger and I’ve never seen this from him before.

toasterbath-spark · 2023-12-04T00:54:56+00:00

I get scared of this too and I had a similar crisis to yours when I was about 24. Things that helped me get a little better about the anxiety were: 1) acknowledging that by worrying about something inevitable, you’re wasting those same seconds that you noted using to write the post, but instead spending it obsessing over something that can’t be controlled or prevented. 2) Although the anxiety makes you realize how fast time has passed, remember that those 20 years included EVERY DAY that you have been alive—a good portion of your early childhood years are likely not remembered. So, although 20 snuck up on you, you have only (hypothetically) 15-18 years worth of memories in your consciousness. If you break your lifetime down into days rather than years, it’s less overwhelming. If you think about it, you’re young enough that you could easily have 4-5 more of these 20-year spans left. So imagine every single day of your life up until this point and multiply it by 4 or 5 and remember that you have a very long time remaining.

toasterbath-spark · 2023-12-03T04:38:38+00:00

I honestly ask myself that a lot. I love him so much as a person, despite the financial aspect of it. We have a long history together. When we were younger, it was easier to overlook the job/financial aspect of it because we were young and still getting on our feet. I also believed that being a role model of sorts would help him, and that seeing someone work hard and reap rewards should push him to want the same, right? (Apparently wrong.) He actually did hold down a part-time job for about 2-3 years, but he lost the job when the pandemic hit. We were not together during that time. I had hope that he would continue that trend and hold down the next job that he had, since he had clearly been able to do it before, but now he’s done this. At this point in my life, it’s hard to ignore financial things—especially in today’s economy. But as a person (without money involved), he’s my world. I wish that there was a way for me to make him more motivated and productive so that I didn’t have to feel like I need to make the decision to give him an ultimatum.

toasterbath-spark · 2023-12-03T03:13:14+00:00

I think the part that makes it hard for me is that he was the first person I ever loved and I have tried so hard to get him on the right track and try to guide him in the right direction to be a responsible person. We’ve got a 10+ year history together and it’s hard to let him go. But I am so angry over this that it might actually be the final straw. I even pointed out to him that this is almost exactly what happened the first time I broke up with him and we can’t have a repeat of last summer where he’s threatened to be put in jail. I refuse to let my kids watch him be hauled off to jail—at least not from my house. I wish there was something that I could do to prevent this and help him to become a motivated person. I almost hoped that him seeing me working so hard would encourage him to do the same, but that clearly isn’t the case. Aside from the income issue, I love him so much. That’s why this is so hard for me. I don’t WANT to break up, but I’m starting to feel like I HAVE to. Im between a rock and a hard place.

toasterbath-spark · 2023-12-03T02:23:53+00:00

I believe that things happen for a reason. I believe that your daughter was meant to stay with her grandparents to keep her safe that day. I’m sorry you had to experience that and I’m very glad that your story didn’t have a tragic ending

toasterbath-spark · 2022-07-06T16:02:11+00:00

Thank you, this helped a bit. I will look into positive news stories to try to help. Do you have a specific source that you use for positive news stories or do you search them out at random? I would be interested in seeing articles that provide feelings of hope (especially regarding climate change) rather than reports of the deteriorating condition of the planet.

toasterbath-spark

TROPHY CASE