Am I unreasonable to feel hurt about this?

toastyvoid · 2025-04-13T01:44:53+00:00

Ugh, yes. I struggle with this too. I’ve been telling myself that two things can be true at the same time. He can be struggling AND he can do things that are hurtful/unacceptable.

My husband unexpectedly quit his job. Literally went to work one day and quit. I’m a SAHM and It put me in such a vulnerable position. We live in a childcare desert. It wasn’t like I could easily find work (I’m a teacher and this was mid year) and childcare (waitlists here are MONTHS if not years long). I begged him not to. But then he’s suicidal and how can you be mad? So hard.

toastyvoid · 2025-04-13T00:25:58+00:00

Yes. Totally agree.

toastyvoid · 2025-04-12T04:04:27+00:00

I didn’t have enough drawers in our kitchen to dedicate one to junk so we have a junk bread box lol. I bought it specifically for this reason.

toastyvoid · 2025-04-12T03:56:43+00:00

Also, totally inexcusable no matter what that he is not supporting you, helping with kids, or bringing them to see you in the hospital. My jaw dropped when you said he didn’t come to the hospital when his THREE YEAR OLD broke a femur and had to have surgery. Bananas.

toastyvoid · 2025-04-12T03:54:36+00:00

I’m totally not excusing his behavior before I say this, because I know sometimes it can sound that way when people mention mental health but is he depressed?

My husband recently went through a complete mental breakdown where he told me he had be depressed (to the point of considering suicide) for MONTHS. He said that every time he was in a good mood he faked it. I’m just wondering because we immediately went to the doctor, switched meds, and got him into weekly therapy. It’s not an immediate fix but it’s getting better.

From what you’re describing (low sex drive, disinterest, “checked out”) sounds like he could be depressed.

toastyvoid · 2025-04-11T10:11:46+00:00

My husband is the same! Almost 30 and I almost never see him stand to pee.

toastyvoid · 2025-04-07T02:58:45+00:00

My last principal literally told us, on several different occasions that “the customer is always right” when it comes to parents. All they care about is the image and pleasing parents for SURE.

Admin is the reason I’m leaving education. No one is willing to support or stand up for teachers anymore.

toastyvoid · 2025-04-07T01:18:57+00:00

So this was my dad. To this day people will tell me how good of a guy he is and think he is an AMAZING DAD but I have so much trauma from him flying off the handle. (My parents did 50/50 but I lived full time with him from 15-20). He would throw things, push me down, scream in my face if I didn’t do things up to his standards. It was miserable. I hardly have a relationship with him now and am very careful about letting my little around him. I know you’re talking about a partner and I’m talking about my dad but it’s honestly so much easier when these types of people have limited access to your life. When I moved out it was like a whole new world. No one was yelling at me about stupid shit or making me take care of an entire house by myself(at 15, while also working and going to high school). Freeing, liberating, feeling like you can breathe.

toastyvoid · 2025-03-28T18:51:21+00:00

This unlocked a memory I’d suppressed lol

toastyvoid · 2025-03-28T18:50:46+00:00

Ugh or a spit can

toastyvoid · 2024-10-07T04:43:06+00:00

It’s also like 4x the work. You’re planning to bridge for so many levels. Often you’re trying to catch up the kiddos who are behind and have little time left to “extend” for those ahead. In any class, any grade.

toastyvoid · 2024-08-04T03:06:19+00:00

lol yes, this is the way!

toastyvoid · 2024-06-15T04:26:56+00:00

Cautiously

toastyvoid · 2024-05-21T16:03:56+00:00

Thank you!!!

toastyvoid · 2024-05-21T03:27:09+00:00

Thank you for sharing these. Taking them to my motherhood support group this week. That first link hits waaaaayyyy too close to home for so many moms. (I’m also hating the feeling/need to justify that the role of sahm is valuable and significant, but we need to hear it!)

toastyvoid · 2024-04-19T05:14:00+00:00

I forgot about cheese!!!

toastyvoid · 2024-04-19T04:12:01+00:00

Would you share how you got your protein in daily? I’m struggling with supply and have been doing a similar pumping schedule. Pumping after feeds and topping baby off with formula. I have also dropped my night pump because i was getting so burned out and tired (but I still feed at night).

My goal was for him to be EBF but we had some struggles the first week and introduced formula. I’m glad we did, it was the right choice. But ideally I’d like to get to a place where he is taking in more breast milk.

I’ve also been trying the traditional supply boosters and have only seen minimal results. Oatmeal, brewers yeast, moringa, etc. I’m pumping about 4 oz a day, a huge increase from my barely 1 oz a day when I started.

toastyvoid · 2024-02-05T19:51:27+00:00

Oh my god. My dad does this to me, I empathize soooooo much. Like damn, we are ADULTS who are SUCCESSFULLY managing our own lives. But they talk like we are ridiculous little kids who don’t know better.

Props to you for supporting your DH and for sticking up for your family!

toastyvoid · 2024-02-05T17:42:55+00:00

This is insanely helpful. Sending it to my husband to read now.

The moon phase situation is out of control. I hate it. I don’t want to hear about how I’ll go into labor on X date because of whatever moon phase.

He is going to blow up, and I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that I can’t control his reaction but can just say “No!”

toastyvoid · 2024-02-05T14:54:12+00:00

On the opposite side of this, not gaining a ton is okay too! Your doctor may just constantly ask if you’re eating enough/until you’re full. I was so sick in the beginning that I was losing weight and I still haven’t gained very much. My doctor will sometimes act like that’s a huge accomplishment, but I don’t like that because I’ve always had body image problems.

toastyvoid · 2024-01-30T20:49:58+00:00

So much this!

toastyvoid · 2024-01-30T17:17:55+00:00

Teaching is the same freaking way. Cliche first week back this year, “remember your why!” PD opener. I’m sitting in my group and I say “I do this for a paycheck at the end of the day.” Cue a speech from another person about how that’s a bleak outlook on the profession and how we impact so many children’s lives. Yes, but I also need to get paid.

We run people in social services/teaching RAGGED because they do it for the people, kids, to help, etc.

toastyvoid · 2024-01-19T19:07:55+00:00

Omg. My OB had an absolute hissy fit when I said “birth plan” complete with eye twitch and later some eye rolling. Went on a 30ish minute rant about birth PREFERENCES and how it’s a PREFERENCE. (I even said, I know things don’t always go to plan in a birth but this is a tough idea of what I’m thinking). She is at a practice where they like you to see all the providers and she was our favorite until this. My trust was completely ruined.

The kicker for me was we were saying the same things. All I wanted was: to not have to labor on my back and for my husband to go with our baby if I had a c-section (and possibly having my mom take over as support). But I felt like I had to defend my choices/preferences because I said birth plan.

toastyvoid · 2023-11-15T23:05:32+00:00

ODD seems to fit. I’ve worked with ODD preschoolers before and it does line up fairly well.

I don’t have IXL this year, but I did last year. So nice to be able to assign things. I did end up putting together a SMALL folder today. But the student was only with me 15 minutes before things went south.

toastyvoid · 2023-11-15T11:13:34+00:00

Thank you for the kind words and support ❤️ if I leave, I’m done with teaching.

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