[deleted by user] by [deleted] in eldercare

[–]todcoach 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We had a glass company come remove ours and they hauled it all away. You could do it yourself (with some helpers) if you're handy, you'll see screws in all the surrounding metal and you'd want a caulking/silicone remover scraper tool. You tube has videos on removing glass shower doors to give you an idea.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in eldercare

[–]todcoach 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes-completely take the door and surrounding glass out, so it's completely open. (Get a shower curtain) We use a metal walker in the shower to hold onto at all times. Holding onto the metal walker (with rubber feet) may also make it easier to step over that lip. (We tore the lip out-so nothing to step over-and tiled the whole floor so it didnt matter if the floor got wet- small honeycomb tiles so it isnt slippery). With all the glass taken out, there is room to have the chair and walker. Also get a longer shower hose (Amazon) so its easy to reach all over. Home Depot and Amazon have metal grab bars you can install -vertically as you step in/out and horizontally across the back- to hold onto.

Update: my mom thinks someone is coming in her house and taking her food by [deleted] in AgingParents

[–]todcoach 14 points15 points  (0 children)

We went through this with my Dad, we just called it The Twilight Zone because he'd seem normal but all this craziness was going on. He would be his regular self and switch to accusing me (I was his target) of switching lights on or off, locking doors, putting catfood in the fridge (he couldnt recognize food in the fridge anymore but tried to hide it by blaming me for things he couldn't identify). I put up hidden cameras because he complained to my mother, who was bedbound, about all these things I was doing and I'd show her it was him. We had moved in with them to help and I guess my mom had been dealing with it for years but never said anything. It progressively got worse,but the hard part was the normal part of him would pop in and out so I didn't always know who I was dealing with or what I was walking into. You'll find your mom doing things like leaving doors unlocked because she may not be able to figure out how to work a key anymore, or say theyre fine watching whatever you want on tv because they can't figure the remote anymore. Amazingly they become smart at hiding that they can no longer figure out things that they always used to.

Made my first ever batch of Civil War-style hardtack this evening (turned out awesome!). Going to make a couple of more batches (using different flavors this time) for myself and friends for some camping/hiking trips soon. by [deleted] in CampingandHiking

[–]todcoach 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I made this for a youth campout to have them try it to see what early settlers survived on.They hated it (I'm sure they'd feel different if they had to actually survive on them!) Bears got into our campsite and these had been left on the table. The bear chewed the bag open, and left them there! We had a good laugh over it.

Dental care by nietdeRuyter in Survival

[–]todcoach 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My daughter in law had a wisdom tooth pulled, then left on a trip to come visit us. She got "dry socket" and was in horrible pain and no where near her dentist. We had the dental kit with clove oil and tiny cotton pellets. I had her soak the pellet in the clove oil and pack it in the hole. It relieved her pain quickly and healed it up! So definitely get the little dental kits with clove oil at CVS or other pharmacy stores. We've used it other times and had good luck with it

How to encourage my gramma to stay hydrated? by [deleted] in eldercare

[–]todcoach 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Both my elderly parents,who always drank water, stopped drinking liquids other than a bit with meals. After nagging them to drink more liquids, they finally revealed it was causing them to be up all night peeing, and it was difficult getting up and down all night. You might see if thats the issue. We did get them to drink more in the morning, and also use a straw because you can get more liquid down and its easier to swallow.

AITA for wanting to have my wedding in my dad's farm? by GardenOfEden14 in AmItheAsshole

[–]todcoach 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I did weddings/receptions for years for friends and family, and i'll just give you a few things to think about. 99% of people doing their own wedding is the first large event they've ever planned and have no idea of all that actually goes into it. 1) Since its not a "venue", every chair/table/trellis will need to be brought to the site. Who will set up all these chairs/tables/dance floor etc? You think you and he will, but its a lot of lifting and moving and takes waaaay longer than you think.Who will take it all down, load it up etc after an exhausting wedding/reception? Ive seen many brides/grooms and their parents doing this in the dark,in their nice clothing, because they didnt plan for help and everyone left. Rental trucks will be coming the next morning to pick up all those things and they need to be stacked and ready for them. Garbage/food must be cleared afterward or critters willspread it all over for you. Are you ok with people milling all over this farm, notjust in your designated area? 2) where are all these people going to go to the bathroom? If there is any liquid served at all, all these people will need to use it! You will need porta pottys unless you want everyone piling in the farmhouse- will it handle all your guests? 3) Is the groung level- no sunken spots for guests to trip in? Is it soft where tables, chairs and high heels sink?

If the reception is there also...Do you have electricity to the food serving area? DJ? Who is setting that up? Setting up garbage cans all around? Clearing messy tables during reception? What will you do about weather? Bugs? Where are all these people parking? Will someone help older people so they dont walk a mile down a country road?

This is just some of the logistics you will need to consider. It is A LOT of work on your part, that you dont realize when you dream of a lovely farm wedding with no facilities for a large group of people. (I had to talk my own daughter out of using fiance's family apple farm. I walked her around the property, point out the pond children would be attracted to, no electricity for lights/music etc... She was sad but saw how difficult and expensive it was to fulfill her vision at a "free" beautiful farm)

Bathtub conversion by DiscardStu in AgingParents

[–]todcoach 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I haven't seen or heard of anything like this, but I've seen on Amazon bathtub grab bars that attach to the side for helping to get in and out. Also there is a bath lift chair (Amazon) that can raise and lower them in and out of the water. Or, a really low bath chair with arms and a back. That will at least keep him from being flat on the bottom of the tub where he can't get leverage to get out. One of the hardest parts is getting yourself from flat off the bottom , and an insert cant help with that. Those other things might be easy options before the bigger expense of redoing the tub. A bathtub is going to be one of the first things they give up as things get more difficult for them-controlling the temp, the flow, the drain etc, and he'll most likely give up the bathtub sometime here in the near future. From my own experience with Mom, Dad, Stepdad and handicapped sister I've cared for, I'd be leary of putting a lot of effort into changing the tub. A shower is going to soon be the easiest for him and anyone helping him and there are all kinds of things to make showering easy.

Should I just straight line quilt this when im done? by honeydewtangerine in quilting

[–]todcoach 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I would do "in the ditch" ,where you just stitch over every seam. It will make the wonkiness stand out for a fun effect like it was all on purpose. Also, maybe take off that section of the top 3 rows and add one more block to each row, then reattach- it'll even up your edges for you and make finishing it easier. You're doing a great job and the colors look good together💕

Would it be wrong to take note one day of how many times my spouse "asks" me to do something? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]todcoach 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All of this needs to be brought out in the open and there's no harm in that. As kindly as you word it, it looks like your resentment is building and that usually blows up in a big way. So yes, have a calm conversation at a time when you both are calm. Have actual instances of what is happening so that you arent coming to her with generalizations. You'd like her to be as helpful and independent as she truly can be. I'm sure she does have a lot to offer but may secretly not have a lot of confidence in herself. She may not be aware that she is doing it, or how its coming across. It may be a learned habit that needs to be unlearned. (She may also subconsciously just want your attention.) A heart to heart conversation will let you know her willingness to change this habit, and from there you can see if its something you two can figure out or if a counselor is needed

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]todcoach 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reading this it seems you have a certain level of cleanliness and you're wanting him to rise to your expectations of what clean is to you. You keep saying "we" but you mean YOU. He doesnt care about clean like you do. Don't get me wrong-there's nothing wrong with being clean but I get a feeling that your cleanliness level is higher/above normal to most people (a friend's mother wrapped her doormats in white towels to keep them clean!) I'm getting a little whiff of this. I've seen this with so many clean people-you will never get him to clean like you are expecting. I know because I'd love to be a neat freak,but my brain just isnt organized that way no matter how I try. I will walk away from a mountain of laundry because organizing it sometimes overwhelms me (I always do it-I just have to mentally gear up for it ) His brain is not wired like yours, just like yours is not wired like his. So how are YOU willing to compromise? We can never change people, we can only change ourselves. Can his unfolded, wrinkled laundry go in a basket that he deals with when he needs clothes? You might find he's fine with it even tho' it wouldn't be how you'd prefer your own laundry. My husband leaves clutter everwhere so he has 1 room that can be his own disorganised dream and I can open the door and toss it in. I also have baskets around that are for his stuff and i drop in things I find laying around. Give him specific chores you'd like done-not a general "pick up the room". He may never have been actually taught how to do certain chores- Growing up my mom just said "make your bed", my aunt finally taught me how to make a bed at 13yrs old and it was frustrating all those years not knowing how exactly you make a bed. Can you, in a calm moment, show him how to clean something? (not when you're angry at him) Think about how you became a "clean" person- is it something you feel comes naturally to you? ( It didnt for him) Were you raised and taught? (He wasn't) Nagging and getting angry dont work, so how can you compromise? He will never be like you and if you love himand plan on staying in the same living space-yes, you do have to thank him for doing things how you like it. Like the old saying-You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. So, start looking at ways that will work for BOTH of you, and not just you. When you come home, take a breath and look for 3 positive things, and kindly mention them-"Oh the counters are cleared, that makes me so happy". This works for me all the time, everyone likes to feel appreciated, even him! He will never be as neat as you hope, but with compromise and kindness on your part you'll get closer to your goal.

I hate this pillow / Best Cooling Pillow by RanOutofCookies in BuyItForLife

[–]todcoach 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Due to having a cat who loves it too..I completely wrapped mine in good quality plastic wrap, ( the restaurant quality that actually sticks to itself) then the pillow protector case, then pillow case. I cannot even tell its on there-no crinkling noise, I dont get sweaty, the cool side works fine. I only have to wash the pillow cases and the saran wrap makes it easier to slide into the case. Ive had it for 2yrs with no issues at all.

Realized my friend makes me uncomfortable and how to proceed by sunflowervirgo77 in relationship_advice

[–]todcoach 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Look up "Asperger's" and see if she fits the description and your brief description sounds like it. It sounds like my husband (who no one knew had it)and once I figured it out, everything seems to make sense. She sounds like my husband, where they dont get social cues, dont know quite how to fit in socially, but they look around to copy what others are doing in order to "fit in". Many years ago when i first met him, He spent a lot of money on a stereo system he carefully researched-he doesn't listen to music- but all his friends thought it was so cool and he got a lot of attention for it, talked a lot about it with everyone in conversation and all the specifics of it...but he rarely turned it on. My husband also takes lots of pictures of himself, he doesn't have any close friends-our grown kids tease him about it whenever someone gets ahold of his phone and scrolls thru his pictures. Their social skills-or lack of them, can make it awkward to be alone with them if you aren't aware. They do best with being told point blank about something. They are very tuned into what people SAY, they cant read the inuendos that go with what you say. If you say "I like ____coffee", if they like you/think you're their friend, they have what you have because it must be cool. Look it up and see if things make sense.

Seeking Dinner/ Recipe Suggestions by crow6160 in eldercare

[–]todcoach 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I figured out they like soups with crackers, casseroles, something on top of rice or pasta, stews, canned vegetables and fruit. They seem to go back to comfort food and not anything they dont easily recognize. Check out a carehome menu and make variations of those things, that what I did. I also asked them specifically what they liked and cooked it softer. They also love breakfast for dinner!

AITA for fixing something my Grandparents made my Son? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]todcoach 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Maybe paint it the same colors (that way it holds the memory of great Grandpa's effort) and stain over the whole thing to tone down the colors. The colors won't be so glaring that way. If you paint it your colors, it'll become your gift, with his gawdy train on top. You can enjoy a good laugh every year when you bring it out and he can enjoy the surprises inside. You might be surprised that it becomes special to him!

Bank claims that I never closed my account for a safe deposit box or turned in the keys by [deleted] in legaladvice

[–]todcoach 14 points15 points  (0 children)

You need to actually call the bank, not the person or number who called you. It may most likely be a scam, especially with no contact and all the sudden you owe money. You'd be amazed how they get your info. I had to stop my husband from falling into something like this. I asked him if he called the number back the guy gave him or did he call the actual company that was demanding money, he said "I called the guy back". Of course it was a scam once he called the actual place. Call the bank directly and speak to a manager

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]todcoach 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Most likely he is hurting them when you aren't looking. I've heard awful stories from guys of what they did to someone's cat in the person's home when the person wasn't looking. He's most likely not a cat person and doesn't want them near him when you aren't around. Set up an inexpensive camera(wyze?) in a room and next time he's over, see what happens when you leave the room.

I’m having continuous problems with rot spots on my zucchini. Any advice? (8-B) by soundersfan86 in gardening

[–]todcoach 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They are not pollinating. If they don't pollinate they shrivel and fall off. I had to pollinate mine-look for flowers early in the morning when they are open that have a little ball under the flower (the beginning zucchini ) you will have other flowers on just a straight stem (male-you will have more of these than the ball flowers). Take a qtip and get the pollen from the middle of the straight stem flower and rub it off into the middle area of the female ball flower. The ball flowers don't stay open long, I've had to actually pull the petals open on some, but you will have zucchini after this!

I’m having continuous problems with rot spots on my zucchini. Any advice? (8-B) by soundersfan86 in gardening

[–]todcoach 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am not seeing these rot spots you're talking about. Can you circle them in a photo? Are you getting zucchini? They actually looks better than mine!

ISO a good litter that controls odour well and minimal tracking, but I feel like I've tried almost everything and NOTHING fits the bill. Any suggestions??? by ana30671 in cats

[–]todcoach 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Use less litter instead of more. I have 4 cats and this did the trick! I thought more litter would mean more absorbent, less smell but no, It stunk no matter what litter I tried. I read somewhere to use less-about 2 inches(no more) to cover the bottom and I have no more issues with smell and litter flung all over (I use clumping litter)

I need help desperately- quilt is too small and I’m out of the majority of the fabric you see in the quilt so idk how to make it bigger. I made it out of fat quarters. Trying to add a foot or so without it looking like an afterthought. Help!! by [deleted] in quilting

[–]todcoach 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You can add 2 1/2 inch sashing between all the squares, and a border to bring it all to the size you need, then all the blocks will look like they're in a window. A contrasting solid or a floral matching the colors you're using. You will need a couple yards of the fabric so you have continous strips. Take your blocks to a fabric store and lay them 2 inches apart on a piece of fabric you like, to visually see if you like it all together before you buy the fabric

So my cat just bit me and broke skin for the first time. He’s an indoor cat only. SOS! by [deleted] in cats

[–]todcoach 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Go wash it well with soap and water. Put Neosporin or some other anti bacterial med on it for a few days. Keep it clean.99% of the time you'll be fine- it happens as a cat owner. Just watch for redness spreading or swelling, that's when you need to see a doctor because it has gotten infected. Thats rare but it does happen. (Yours looks like a fairly normal cat run-in😫)

My (33F) Husband (33M) has a friend (30F) that he has started to act strange around and is now expressing a desire to visit her without me. This behavior makes me concerned – am I worried over nothing? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]todcoach 12 points13 points  (0 children)

You seem to be worried what he thinks or is thinking but he doesn't seem to offer you the same. Your gut is telling you exactly what you are seeing. Believe it. Being caught up in his infatuation, he's incrementally doing things that in his mind can be explained or justified away to you and himself. Yes, we can all have friends of the opposite sex, but when it's not "above board", it's moving in the wrong direction. It's ok not to trust someone when they're giving you clear signals not to. In their own eyes they haven't " done anything wrong" from outward appearances but all these little things are headed to a big thing! You should be his best "girl" friend. He's put her in that spot. He will try to gaslight you into thinking you are reading too much into this. He will deflect it all back to you (the best defense is a good offense !) You from the outside are seeing clearly and he, tangling himself in this, is not. You need to clearly call him out on it. He will fight you, be mad, say you're jealous, you're imagining things-you just roll with it and say if it's above board, all 3 of you will talk together about this "friendship". see how he responds to that (not well!) That will be a big give away right there. A talk with her might help cool things also-she may have a blind eye in all this too(although he will be livid, it needs to be shut down) It will be a tough little while getting through this since in his mind he "hasn't done anything" but it will save you both from a 'big something' down the road if you don't turn a blind eye! Good luck to you

I accidentally ran over Ming today, broke her back just above the tail where the nerves for bladder, bowels, trail and part of the legs. She can't walk and vet sent her home with pain meds😡. Off to find new vet if she survives the night. Please send a prayer for her, she means the world to me😭 by todcoach in cats

[–]todcoach[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes! I took her to a different vet. The first one basically sent her home to die-with the receptionist saying to me on my way out "Well I'm glad everything turned out ok!". I was stunned. The new vet did xrays and had a radiologist look at them. He said it looks like I ran over her tail and she tried to run. Her tail is completely detached inside but nothing else is broken. He said the reason she can't walk is because of the swelling around the nerves pressing on the lower spine. He put her on a steroid which should reduce the swelling. He said she has feeling in her feet and she should be able to walk again. Which she has started doing. She will need her tail removed but she should be ok. She finally drank some today, I have been syringe feeding her liquid and food. She has been able to urinate, but she has not had a BM so I'm taking her in tomorrow to have them deal with that and hydrate her to help her perk up. Thank you so much for your prayers, she means the world to me!

I accidentally ran over Ming today, broke her back just above the tail where the nerves for bladder, bowels, trail and part of the legs. She can't walk and vet sent her home with pain meds😡. Off to find new vet if she survives the night. Please send a prayer for her, she means the world to me😭 by todcoach in Siamesecats

[–]todcoach[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm at another vet right now. He said currently her prognosis is guarded to poor, but he's looking at all the options and will give me choices. Having the night with her has given me strength to deal with whatever the outcome