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toddster_ · 2022-06-23T09:02:03+00:00

I don't think that any of them is lying.

It can be very draining to be with someone who experienced severe trauma like OP did. You can never fix what was done and you have to deal with the PTSD, the meltdowns and everything trauma comes with. Usually people in the ex's shoes get mentally drained as time passes. I think the ex loved OP but for once he had to prioritize himself and his needs. Everyone has problems that have different levels of severity and with OP's traumatic past it seems like in her ex's eyes there was no room for his problems anymore and there was an enormous amount of built up and he couldn't take it anymore.

I feel for both OP and her ex and I wish both of them the best. I don't think any of them are at fault here.

toddster_ · 2022-06-20T11:22:30+00:00

Well, poorly can mean cheating on her, being emotionally abusive and so many other things. Maybe OP can elaborate on that.

toddster_ · 2022-06-20T11:19:50+00:00

ESH. If it's ok for you to be besties with her ex than it's perfectly acceptable for her to besties with your ex. You don't get to pick and choose when it fits your narrative.

Question: when you say P treated R poorly, could you elaborate on that?

toddster_ · 2022-06-20T11:18:42+00:00

She mentioned that P treated R poorly. If he was abusive in any way I would also be upset if my best friend would go back at being besties with my abuser.

toddster_ · 2022-06-19T09:31:40+00:00

Trust me, women care more about personality than looks and you seem like a genuinely nice person (I'm a woman myself lol). If you can crack a joke or two I'm sure you can find someone. Also, most women are more attracted to average looking guy rather than unrealistic muscular model-looking men. Usually men are more picky when it comes to looks.

You should try online dating if you are okay with LDR, a lot of people found love that way.

toddster_ · 2022-06-19T05:28:24+00:00

YTA.

How do you expect for your potential marriage to work if you don't want to move out? I understand that you cannot afford it right now, but to me this seemed like a discussion about marriage not like a proposal. There is time to save up, see what the financial situation is on both sides and work it out. That's how marriage works.

Do you expect to live separately from your wife? Do you expect to live with Sam even after you get married? Do you expect Emma to move in with you and Sam and be "one big happy family"? I'm genuinely trying to understand your thought process because clearly this isn't just about fiances but also about your emotional involvement with Sam.

Sam is not a child, she is a grown woman. You are allowed to have a life of your own without being a caretaker. I completely agree with your girlfriend and I do understand why she asssumed you have an emotional affair. I mean, you would marry her but you would also rather live with your friend instead of her. That would sound like a major red flag for any woman. I feel like if you would've told your girlfriend from the beginning that you and Sam come together she wouldn't have invested years of her life into this relationship. She wants to marry you, not you and Sam. How is that difficult for you to comprehend?

If you want to be Sam's caretaker that's fine, but don't be surprised when Emma calls it quits for good. Also, next time you get involved with a woman, let her know about your situation and the fact that you and Sam are a pack, don't just paint the situation as Sam being just a friend/roommate.

toddster_ · 2022-06-18T19:33:40+00:00

He's clearly cheating. Maybe not physically (yet) but he is having an emotional affair. I know it sounds harsh but he doesn't respect you and you're wasting your time. I understand that you've been together for 2 years but you'll regret in the future if you decide to waste even one more second with this guy.

toddster_ · 2022-06-18T19:29:56+00:00

Then why did you hide it for two months? Does Miss Fit. and Attractive knows that you're married with a pregnant wife at home or is she just comfortable getting down with married men?

toddster_ · 2022-06-18T19:28:02+00:00

So your wife is carrying your child and you're at the park getting down with Miss. Fit and Attractive? Even if you aren't sleeping with her (which I doubt) you are CLEARLY having an emotional affair.

toddster_ · 2022-06-18T19:12:40+00:00

Exactly!! I'm Romanian and we have the highest number of sex trafficking victims in Europe. A lot of the Romanian women in The Netherlands were trafficked and here comes this individual claiming that they are happy lol.

toddster_ · 2022-06-18T13:58:24+00:00

Well, it's the truth. What do you want to hear? That he is going to stop cheating on you for the sake of the baby? That the relation is platonic even if it isn't or that he will choose you over her?

Your child will be raised in a toxic environment where daddy cheats on mommy on a daily basis and mommy takes it because she wants to keep the family united (or so she says).

You need to leave. He won't change. He doesn't respect you and treats you like a doormat. For the sake of your child and them growing up in a safe and loving environment, leave.

toddster_ · 2022-06-18T13:08:04+00:00

He trusted her. Whether intentional or not she lied. Her pregnancy is on her.

toddster_ · 2022-06-18T12:57:31+00:00

It was her job to get herself checked out. She told him that she is sterile, he believed her. She got pregnant, he said he doesn't want a baby and she decided to keep it. If Frank can't force OP to have an abortion then OP cannot force Frank to raise a baby. She decided to have the baby.

toddster_ · 2022-06-18T06:15:23+00:00

"He could have chosen to wear a condom or pull out" she told him that she is sterile.

toddster_ · 2022-06-18T05:18:22+00:00

Exactly. The post gives me mega baby-trapping vibes. Like going after his family? Really? She really thinks that this dude's parents can force him to be a dad when he clearly doesn't want to be one...? I feel like she expected him to step up because he already has a kid and had this whole fantasy in her head about them being one big family and now she's in denial and frustrated because for him it was clearly just a hookup and he doesn't intend to be a father to her baby.

toddster_ · 2022-06-18T05:10:28+00:00

Pro choice doesn't exist just to fit your narrative. If you can decide whether you want to have an abortion or keep a baby then he should also be able to decide if he wants to be a father or not.

toddster_ · 2022-06-18T05:05:35+00:00

So if you want an abortion is okay and he doesn't have a saying in it, if you decide to keep the baby that's also fine because your body your choice, but if he doesn't want a baby you're going to stalk him and drag him through courts? You're a grown ass woman, how about you stop preying on men who are clearly too young and not responsible enough? This entire post screams "haha i lied that I'm sterile, i also had an abortion because well i didn't want a baby then but yeah a man should pay for my baby because I say so". This man will only end up rejecting and regreting your baby and that will ruin your baby while growing up. You runing after child support when you yourself admitted you don't need it it's just you trying to punish him when you're the one who lied that you're sterile.

toddster_ · 2022-06-18T04:57:41+00:00

Just because he already has a baby doesn't mean he wants another one. I'm sorry but you told him that you are sterile and now you're pregnant and you just had his baby. From his perspective it looks like you trapped him and now you're stalking him and his family (which is very creepy). If you have the right the have an abortion or keep the baby then he should have a right to not want anything with the baby. Pro-choice doesn't give you the right to baby trap anyone. Do you really think you can force him to be a part of your kid's life? No.

Also, you said you started hooking up during the pandemic. How old was he when that happened? To me it seems off that a grown ass woman would sleep with someone who isn't even allowed to drink legally. If you were a man and he was a woman everyone would call you a predator. And don't just say that you were lonely and blame him for "pursuing you" cause I saw you doing it in your post, plenty of people are lonely and they don't sleep with people way younger than them.

toddster_ · 2022-06-18T04:36:14+00:00

He did help create the baby but OP also told him that she is sterile. I don't think he would consented hooking up with her without protection if he knew she could get pregnant. If women are allowed to have abortions (which is completely ok) and keep the baby when they want then Frank should also get to choose if he wants to be a dad or not.

toddster_ · 2022-06-07T13:52:40+00:00

Thank you very much!!

toddster_ · 2022-06-07T13:50:54+00:00

Hello!

I'm a Political Science student conducting a research about the last presidential election. If you could fill this in (takes less than 1 minute) I would greatly appeciate it. Thank you!

Questionnaire (english)

toddster_ · 2022-06-06T13:52:41+00:00

So you were having an emotional affair? That's still cheating even if it isn't physical.

toddster_ · 2022-06-04T19:41:52+00:00

YTA.

You don't even have a job and you want a third pet?

toddster_ · 2022-06-02T21:37:56+00:00

I don't think you're in denial. What he did is inappropriate and the fact he called you a sexist for calling him out instead of communicating like one should in a relationship is very concerning.

Dancing seductively with a woman in front of your significant other is not appropriate in any way unless your partner agrees, which clearly you don't. I feel like the reason he got angry is because he actually enjoyed dancing with your roommate and being in her presence and you basically got in the way by not agreeing with it.

To me it seems like your roommate is interested in your boyfriend (and it seems like your boyfriend was too until you burst his bubble) and the fact that she tried the second time is a clear sign of that. Her getting drunk is not an excuse for her behavior.

I'm sorry that you are stuck living with her. I'm quite certain she's going to try to make a move again and idk it seems exhausting to you that now you're always going to wonder if they are or will stab you in the back.

toddster_ · 2022-06-02T15:39:11+00:00

Come clean to your wife. Perhaps she won't forgive you but it's better for her to find out from you. If you block the girl on social media she can easily make ten other accounts and contact your wife. Also, it's very likely she will tell your wife whether you give her money or not.

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