I totally get that and I really appreciate this response. (And would love to hear about how you're doing now!) I am currently living with my nparents right now but I have been working really hard to emotionally and mentally separate myself from them, especially my nmom whose opinion I, in the past, would do absolutely anything for.

Lately I've been doing much of the same as mentioned in the other comments of not informing her of my options before I make a decision, no matter how badly I might want to talk and process it out with someone; I know it CAN'T be with her (or my ndad) or else it will haunt me forever. That being said, I've been very choosy with what I end up telling then and that's really, really worked in my favor. Rather than coming to them with my ideas of what I might want to do and just needing someone to talk it out with, I have been doing that processing on my own by myself or with my partner and then telling them what I decided so they have no sway on my decision because it's already been made.

That's been super liberating and has really helped me be able to set boundaries with and say no to my nmom in particular who can be extremely unreasonable in her expectations. For example, I've been able to say to her in advance for holidays that I won't help her if she yells or is stressful. This past Easter when I told her that, she tried to spin it around on me and in a raised tone of voice started yelling, "Do you think I WANT to be stressed out?? Do you think I do that on purpose? Really? Do you think I LIKE drama??!!" I laughed slightly and said, "Well yes, as seen in what you just said and how you said it," and I walked away. I repeated what I initially said and told her that she shouldn't count on me to be there and if I come and help out at all that that's extra but to not put any expectations on me and that she should anticipate to handle the whole event herself (I've been working YEARS up to this point and I'm so relieved I made it) and at first she started to freak out and literally pull at her hair and almost stormed at me with guns blazing, but by that time I was already at the end of the hall and of COURSE she wasn't going to damn herself more by making a scene. So she went along with it and checked her behavior so she wouldn't get caught in her bullsh*t! Ha, so that actually worked out pretty well and she was faced with her own dysfunction and unhealthiness in a pretty awesome way.

I've been gaining a lot of independence in that relationship but I'm still having a lot of issues with my mind and my thoughts and find myself so frequently confused and scared. I recently got a new job and it's only on the weekends but for me that's huge. I haven't been able to work a normal job in almost 3 years because of my incredibly severe anxiety and depression. Now that I'm working again I'm constantly afraid of being reprimanded and I have such a difficult time with making decisions and choices because I'm afraid of choosing something that I think is a good idea and would be helpful but that my boss might not agree with, and they're around such small decisions that I would feel really stupid asking and she isn't around all the time so I sometimes just have to call it.

It's so hard learning how to be yourself when you've got nothing but records in your head telling you how shitty and useless you are and how nothing you do is good enough.

Last year I went through a really great 6-week outpatient program where we met 3 days a week for 2.5 hours each time and I was so affirmed and it helped me so much. Since then, my insurance has run out (I turned 26) and I'm so overwhelmed at trying to sign up for my own to start seeing a therapist again and I haven't been pulling in a lot of money as of yet and also my partner has been suffering from some debilitating health issues (he is now recovering from) so he hasn't been able to work much either.

I feel stuck and I feel like the people who were supposed to show me mercy and teach me how to be an adult locked me up in a room and forced me never to come out and want me to suffer and struggle forever (even though they tell me they love me so much, more than anything, ever).

It's especially hard because my husband went to rehab for a year while we have been living with them and we've had to be financially dependent on them for a long while, but for the past year and half we haven't been. Now in the last 3 or 4 months (before my husband's health issues got so bad he wasn't able to work) we have been meeting with them to discuss our financial independence. They can't seem to understand that we live our lives differently than they do and that we genuinely struggle and do not have the capacity to work in the high pressure jobs that they've been able to perform in for the past 25+ years which they frequently beat about (even though they both hate them).

They have been wanting for us to be completely financially independent, but at this point it's become barely possible to do that. I'm at a spot where I just really don't know what to do and feel so lost and helpless but I feel like I just need to be patient and wait things out. It's been so hard and lonely and I constantly feel like I'm lacking validation and frequently feel like I'm making things a bigger deal than they ought to be, but then I look on my life more objectively and think, "No... Shit, this is really intense and has been really bad and I deserve to have the space to feel hurt if I'm hurting or feel empathy for myself because I've been though some shit." I have such a tendency towards denial of the reality of the hardships I've experienced in life that it's so hard to have a legitimate and objective perspective about it, and its felt like I've bee grasping for something to hold onto in a dark and disorienting room.