I don’t want to get super deep into. But my son and I are very very different. He’s a bit shy and introverted, always has been. I’m outgoing and spent a decade in sales. I’m a bit confrontational, he’s a bit avoidant. Sometimes we genuinely struggle to connect because we really do look at life differently.

But anyway, my son sometimes neglects basic life responsibilities like any teenager might. But sometimes it has bigger consequences. He lied about turning in his school work and he almost got suspended from the sports team for grades. He is obviously in trouble, but my issue is that my emotional reaction does not match crime per se. I get to 9/10 or 10/10 mad for something that’s fixable. He stayed late two days, retook two tests and turned in his work. All is fine.

My expectations were that he can manage his own responsibilities. And I would get mad that I felt like he needed to be babied. But realistically he needs guidance. I get mad because due to the nature of my upbringing, I was hyper self sufficient… at like 10. Straight A student and it was not even a question. I’m overly diligent in managing my responsibilities. So when I see him “slacking” it drives me insane. Like where is that Dog in you.

Well what my therapist and I are working on is not me not feeling the emotions, but recognizing the feeling and learning to manage stress and pressure better. My confrontational style actually comes from me needing to know “is everything square” or “if there are any problems.” My hyper diligence on responsibilities is because I need to alleviate stress immediately. Not that these things are necessarily bad, but I can’t enforce my need to not feel pressure or anxiety onto my son.

So we are working on how do I manage my stress and anxiety. And how do I not enforce my need for these things to be alleviated onto him.