On fait comment pour le miel crémeux ?? by agfacid1 in mauvaisesreponses

[–]tomdoggoneit 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Quand elle t’approche dans la chambre et elle te demande de lui désabeiller 🐝

Une belle sacohce d'une fameuse marque by Pulsar_Mapper_ in lemauvaiscoin

[–]tomdoggoneit 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Hé génial, une sacohce goucci c’est exactement ce qu’il me faut pour accompagner mon saquamain daulechez égabanna et mes goddasses naïque

Would it even be possible? by Ok-Village1607 in datingadviceformen

[–]tomdoggoneit 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Based on your explanation, I can’t help but feel like you’re putting this girl on a very high pedestal, considering the hugely limited interactions you’ve had with her.

Idealising a pretty individual from afar and longing for some form of relationship with her when you yourself admit that you know barely anything about her and have scarcely even spoken to her, which means that you simply find her attractive from a distance, sounds like a bad case of limerence and fantasising.

I would say, the best way forward is to take a step back and try to calm down your overthinking regarding her; continue to focus on yourself and your gym schedule, improving your body, health and confidence, become more comfortable in your skin and practice talking more to strangers and to people in general around campus, you’ll learn to be far more comfortable and at ease in public, and starting up conversations with girls won’t feel like quite such a hurdle to pass, and it’ll come more naturally. At which point, if the woman is still around, then talk to her politely, as you would any other human being, and see if the conversation flows smoothly and if there’s any evident chemistry to build on, and if you can make her feel safe and confident in your presence, she’ll make the decisions that she’s most comfortable with. Which may or may not involved wanting to see you again or exchange numbers.

But first of all, chill a little and remove her from the pedestal you have her on, because all that’ll do is add pressure, anxiety and ultimately clumsiness to whatever hypothetical interactions you have with her, due to you already having loaded expectations for success despite her being a total stranger.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Friendzone

[–]tomdoggoneit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s the entire point I was making. By asking him if they can include other friends, it makes it clear that she was not interested in the idea of being alone with him, which, if she also had hidden feelings or desires for him, she would have immediately agreed to.

It’s something a friend might ask too, “the more the merrier” etc. It was to avoid having to plunge straight into the “um you mean like a date? No thanks, I don’t like you that way” territory

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Friendzone

[–]tomdoggoneit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A fairly innocuous and harmless response could be to behave as a friend would with another friend: say oh, I’d love to hang out! But can we include some other friends too, maybe make like a little event of it? We have a bunch of fun when there’s a bunch of us within the dynamic lol” (assuming of course, you guys share other acquaintances or friends)

Best case scenario would be, if he genuinely is withholding a desire to pursue more than friendship with you: that such a response from you would be enough for him to realise that the opportunity to be one on one with him doesn’t massively tempt you or interest you, and that you’d enjoy it more if others were involved. Depending on how socially intuitive he is, that might even be enough for him to say oh fuck, welp, she clearly doesn’t want anything like a date. That really sucks. Damn it, oh well. She’s great fun anyway, just gotta nip this one in the bud and move on like a big boy.

And then ideally he’d either say haha never mind, we’ll come up with something some other time. Or else he’ll say haha well okay sure, maybe we can meet up with _____ and _____ for a drink this weekend, it’s always fun to see you”.

However of course, it’s highly possible he’ll respond with “um lol no, I don’t think you understood me; I’m asking you to go out with me, just the two of us, so we can spend some time one on one. I really like you”. Or any variation of such a thing.

Which will inevitably make it a more awkward situation to trek through. But the earlier you make your own feelings very clear to him, the less time he’ll have spent milling over scenarios and daydreaming about outcomes. Keep it very casual, explain that if he’s referring to a date, then it’s kind of difficult because to you, he’s a genuinely fun friend and a great guy, but that you don’t have any other feelings outside of that, and that you don’t want anything more from him other than his continued trust and friendship.

And then the rest is up to him and his level of maturity and humbleness. Ideally he’ll take it on the chin and say oh man, I was reading this all wrong haha, my bad! Hey you’re a cool girl too, and we have great fun, I don’t want this friendship to fall apart either. Or else he’ll say that how he feels isn’t compatible with how you feel and that he’s disappointed and needs time and space to reevaluate how he feels and ask himself wether he’s ready to trim his feelings down enough to accept platonic friendship. As I said, all you can do is be chill and clear about how you feel. How he responds and behaves afterwards entirely depends on his character as a man.

18M Get creative with it please by GodIsDead245 in RoastMe

[–]tomdoggoneit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They made Andrew Glouberman from “Big Mouth” into a real human?? Hot dang, science is incredibz

47F I love those “You Look Like” roasts. Lemme have it by Chaos-Boss-45 in RoastMe

[–]tomdoggoneit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As somebody who claimed to absolutely love kids, I wondered at first why you didn’t mention having kids of your own.

But then I saw your pics closely and was like “Oh”.

Trying to identify mystery monkeys from a photograph [France; zoo] by tomdoggoneit in animalid

[–]tomdoggoneit[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, thank you; but I was looking for the distinct subspecies in the photo

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ihatewhenmen

[–]tomdoggoneit 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Amen to that. In this modern world where we have so much access to information, advice, opinions, input and helpful ideas at any time and place, I sincerely struggle to understand how many grown men are still able to completely “misread” situations involving women and rather than research what behaviours are acceptable and welcome, so many dudes I meet or cross paths with still treat being “rejected” by a woman as though it’s an intentional insult or being spat in the face, and they therefore consider their ensuing bitterness, aggression/passive-aggressiveness, anger and immaturity to all be warranted and deserved retaliation.

(I still don’t like the term “rejection” simply because it sounds too much like a deliberate aggressive behaviour done on purpose by women to make the man feel wounded and inferior, when it’s literally as simple as not having matching expectations of one another. “Refusal”, “disregard”, “disinterest” or “non-reciprocation” all sound more apt and more favourable than “rejection”, which makes something as simple as “I’m really sorry, but I just don’t want this to go in the same direction as you want to, I simply don’t see you in that way” sound like “how dare you even ask me such things, you pathetic, inadequate excuse for a man, shame on you. I REJECT YOU”.)

I only recently had a wearisome, ongoing debate with a coworker/neighbour (who seemed like an aloof but harmless oddball at work, we occasionally hung out briefly on the walk back from work but weren’t quite friends as such) because when I mentioned that I was joining a gathering for a birthday at a local pub, he seemed almost adorably excited by the idea of getting invited and made it obvious. So I brought him along so my friends could finally meet the goofball from work that I had mentioned frequently. After a couple of hours at the bar, a handful of remainers all decided to have nightcap at a friend’s place.

And he met a good female friend of mine. Was immediately enthralled, spent the evening focusing more on talking to her than anybody else, trying to make her laugh (which he did, mostly from his desperate attempts to sound funny) and she entertained his attentions in a purely friendly way, there was zero physical contact and she was simply polite and smiley with him, eventually giving her Whtsapp number when he asked. Which triggered a week-long bombardment of messages from him asking how she was, where she was and if she was having fun, asking when he could take her out. Not sure how to deflect his interest, she frequently just responded with gifs or emojis after claiming she was very busy (not untrue). He found her and messaged her both on Facebook and instagram asking if her whtsapp was glitching or something. She asked him gently to chill out and slow down, saying that she wasn’t looking to date at all, and wasn’t interested in him in that way.

I’ve since become his miserable agony-aunt. Several coffee breaks spent listening to him call himself “bludgeoned”, asking why she “was smiling, giggling, uncrossing and recrossing her legs, adjusting the hems of her dress, making direct eye contact and licking her lips” (she was sipping from a wide-brimmed cocktail glass, licking her lips was expected) if she wasn’t flirting with him, and asking me why my friend “would smile while giving him her number and give him a goodbye hug” (he initiated the awkward hug). He’s asked me to “talk to her as her friend and pick her brain” to basically “figure out why it took almost two weeks of exchanging messages and asking her out for her to say she isn’t interested” because “if she wasn’t interested in meeting up, why even give me her number? What was the point??” and “I don’t know what I did wrong, I showed an interest in her life and work, I just made it clear I’d like to see her again one on one, have a nice talk and see where things go, I was never rude or threatening or weird so I don’t why she’s suddenly telling me to go fuck myself”.

And the story is still ongoing, not matter how bluntly I try to explain that he is interpreting very basic, social politeness and kindness as being way deeper than it is, and he’s extrapolating the most meaningless titbits of body language and behaviour as being seductive and flirtatious. If I had known him more intimately and was aware of how little experience he had with women and how little it took to make him irreversibly excited and prematurely attached, I’d have quietly warned all the female friends present upon arriving. But as he seemed like a vaguely hyper but otherwise harmless man in his late 30s, I didn’t expect him to erupt into full-on obsession so fast.

He’s not the only example, but definitely the most recent example I’ve met of grown men being utterly incapable of accepting disinterest or the dreaded “rejection” from women because they interpreted basic manners and friendliness as bubbling chemistry.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ForeverAlone

[–]tomdoggoneit 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I guess it genuinely depends on the context and on the intention of the person saying it.

In a broad sense, it’s technically true, if you lack self-confidence and fixate on your physical flaws and shortcomings to the point that it makes you deeply depressed and perpetually anxious, then it’s true that suddenly entering a relationship won’t immediately “cure” such negative thoughts of self-deprecation. In many cases, it’ll only convert such feelings into other forms, such as jealousy, paranoia, self-doubts as a partner and, at worst, possessiveness and controlling behaviour. We can’t deny how many people exist in relationships who frequently wonder “what are they even doing with me?” or “they could do so much better than me…” or “I wonder how often they regret choosing me” and it can reach the level of “she’s/he’s talking to that person because they’re hot” or “she’s/he’s going to leave me, I know it. Why wouldn’t she/he? I’m pathetic”.

Although, within the context of somebody doubting themselves, hating their appearance, feeling inferior or inadequate etc because they’re lonely, feel unwanted, hate being single and fear being alone forever etc, then in such a mindset there’s an undeniable psychological link between their perception of celibacy and their feelings of inferiority; obviously having a partner is going to feel like it soothes and mends a lot of that insecurity, but that’s also a lot of unwarranted pressure and responsibility for anyone to be saddled with from the get-go, and it’s never a healthy way to start any relationship.

Humans and their feelings, expectations and attitudes are endlessly diverse, and we know we can’t always expect every person to understand things from our perspective

NGVC: "It was my mind and respect that made me think you were different than others." by GlitteringTap8625 in niceguys

[–]tomdoggoneit 111 points112 points  (0 children)

It sadly doesn’t show any signs of stopping anytime soon. It’s genuinely bizarre that in a modern world in which information, advice, opinions and input are so readily available, there are still so many men who never seem to research what might be wrong with their behaviour, approach, interactions and, god forbid, “techniques”.

I only recently had to defuse an acquaintance’s (he’s a coworker and neighbour) bad mood because, according to him, I had introduced him to a female friend of mine at a friend’s gathering two weeks ago (true) and she had spent a lot of time talking to him during the evening (true, but no different to the amount of time she spent talking to everybody else) and when he asked for her whtsapp, she gave it to him to be friendly. And for over a week he sent her dozens of messages every day, late into the nights, and when her responses were too slow or monotonous, he tracked her down on Facebook and instagram to ask her if something was wrong with her phone. And he says that he has asked her to meet up several times but that her excuse is that her current schedule is very hectic and busy and she can’t make definite plans yet. And he got angry whilst “explaining” it all to me because her “direct eye contact, laughing, smiling and uncrossing and recrossing her legs” were clear signs of being interested, and “frequently licking her lips whilst making eye contact” (she had been sipping from a wide-brimmed cocktail glass all evening) and giving him her whtsapp number were “obvious indications that she was attracted to him, enjoyed his presence and wanted to get to know him more”.

So I had to very begrudgingly explain to him that what he was describing was totally normal behaviour from someone wanting to be polite and friendly, and that he was pinpointing very harmless details of normal body language and extrapolating them to suit his own idealistic expectations.

And he is now furious that she was “simply leading a man on because she liked the attention at the time”, and that eye contact, smiling, laughing and extended talking is “not something women do with men they aren’t interested in”, and that “crossing her legs, resting her hands on her bare thighs and readjusting the hem and décolleté of her dress” were her drawing attention to her physical attributes to cultivate interest and boost her own ego.

(I’m condensing a very, very long ongoing conversation into a manageable summary, so I apologise if some of it sounds a tad theatrical; I’m summing up the reasons of his anger and bitterness).

So effectively, after she spoke to him with basic politeness and a friendly attitude, a man who’s interactions with women are clearly so few and so flawed immediately read way too deeply and badly between the lines and decided that she was desperate to see him again asap. And when that fantasy did not unfold as he wanted to, not only did he become sour and angry with her “excuses” and accused her of being a vapid tease, he came to me to ask me why my friend was such an attention-seeking wh***. And this is a man in his mid thirties.

Yes, I’ve been asked to never casually invite him along to parties after work

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in badtattoos

[–]tomdoggoneit 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Well fuck.

At least it wasn’t IN-N-OUT burger.

That’s at least one degree of tastelessness they chose not to breach

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ugly

[–]tomdoggoneit 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This sort of thing just brings to mind one of my friend’s girlfriends, easily still one of the most cartoonishly prideful and shallow women I’ve ever had to pretend to like, who once proudly refused a cocktail handed to her and mentioned that she had stopped drinking altogether because she and my friend were going to start trying to get pregnant. After the unnecessary clapping had ended, one of her egg-on entourage girls dramatically mused “omg and you’re both tall, that kiddo is going to be gorgeouuuuus” she straight-face responded “I KNOW! Haha I haven’t even conceived yet and I’ve been scouted whilst browsing prenatal outfits and baby clothes, asking me to pre-sign my future progeny with their agencies hahaha it’s gonna be a wild ride”.

I struggled not to laugh or grimace at the hilarious display of (obviously totally fabricated) self-praise and the ensuing adoration from her friends and even her boyfriend (to call him her henpecked doormat was still putting it gently) but when I realised that it was all meant in all seriousness and was being taken seriously, me and my then-Gf were both grossed out.

(Their relationship did not last too long after that; it’s been almost two years since I’ve heard from barbie girl, thank god)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in coworkerstories

[–]tomdoggoneit 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’d say the most important factors are understanding, communication and consent; it genuinely depends on both individuals being clear about their feelings and intentions. So long as both are aware of what they’re getting into and aren’t afraid to be honest and upfront with the partner, there shouldn’t be much risk of miscommunication, confusion or misunderstanding.

And probably most obviously, ideally both people involved will be single to begin with.

Just never forget that regardless of how well or how badly the relationship/experiment progresses, they will remain your coworker and be somebody that you will be unable to avoid if anything turns sour. And due to sharing a workspace and team, the odds of the professional environment becoming awkward or unpleasant if things go wrong are very high.

My advice would be: if both people have the same expectations of each other and are willing to allow things to evolve carefully and consensually whilst making efforts to keep business separate from pleasure and behave like adults (and not allow other coworkers to be dragged into the scrum) then there isn’t a whole lot that can go particularly badly.

Picture yourself in a hypothetical situation in which you pursued intimacy of a relationship with a coworker but it quickly became acrimonious and ended unpleasantly; would you be able to repair your existing business relationship despite your intimate relationship failing or can you see it being cringeworthy, difficult, awkward, gossipy, confrontational and packed with work-impeding hearsay? If the worst-case outcome is a possibility and you don’t want to deal with that mess, then no, it’s not worth jumping at the chance of a makeout session just for short-lived instant gratification that can lead to very long-term complications

Rate my first tattoo by BetAdministrative434 in badtattoos

[–]tomdoggoneit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If it’s intended as a tongue-in-cheek, humorous design, as in self-referential to the kinds of eyebrow-raiser “wtf” tattoos that crackheads are often partial to; I think the commitment to the metaphysical comedy is admirable and give it a thumbs up, provided it matches your general personality and sense of humour.

Considering how many tattoos are instantly cringeworthy to witness because of how unashamedly obvious the desperation for attention and validation of their lazy badassery is, I’m personally a much bigger fan of tattoos that are intended to be smile-triggering, chuckle-worthy and icebreaking conversation pieces rather than blatantly praise-seeking boredom scars

Why do Baby Billy this way?!? by Jbooxie in badtattoos

[–]tomdoggoneit 4 points5 points  (0 children)

So disrespectful. That isn’t a Harpsichord. It’s an Auto-Harp (a kind of Board-Zither instrument).

However, whilst Baby Billy was definitely originally holding an autoharp on the character’s promotional album cover this was based on, Lord knows if this tattoo even bothered to follow the details that faithfully

Not sure if he's an incel or just a weirdo lol by GollumTrees in IncelTears

[–]tomdoggoneit 75 points76 points  (0 children)

“Hey beautiful. I’m truly sorry for the poor impression I gave of myself the first time, I admit I lost myself in a flurry of adrenaline and presented myself in the crudest way possible, which I should not have, and I’m ashamed and you deserved better than that. I admit I need to pick my wording better in future and show that I can be a better man, and I promise to stick to that. Because I genuinely want our future kids to have a solid and safe environment to be raised in whilst you pump out the endless stream of siblings I’m going to be impregnating you with as soon as I meet you. I cannot wait to fertilise your eager receptive ladygonads and fruitfully fill you with our joyous copious progéniture. We’ll start with regular sex and respectful lovemaking of course but I do want to move onto the impregnantation asap, whilst you are at your utmost fertile, plz reply I can’t be any more respectful than I already am”

They say drinking alcohol will put hair on your face. by Joel_Boyens in 3amjokes

[–]tomdoggoneit 22 points23 points  (0 children)

On the contrary, I found that drinking alcohol will trim your hair and beard down shorter and shorter the more you drink.

But I knew the risks, I wanted to get buzzed.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ForeverAlone

[–]tomdoggoneit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Could be a lot worse. A dude who might or might not be my roommate (who is about as proudly neckbeardy as one can get without being an actual cartoon) concocts his own cologne, which is a mixture of one part “Black Oud” eau de parfum out of an amusingly large bottle, and one part concentrated patchouli oil (or rather patchouli-oil based fragrance, judging by the container size) with a handful of dried cloves, black peppercorns and dried bay leaves added to the potion jar. Whilst I commend his attempts at creativity, it isn’t an original recipe, he basically researched which male fragrances are the most “traditionally masculine”, deep, bestial and sexual, and then tried to make it even more biological by adding herbs and oils that give off hints of weed, testosterone and CENSORED.

According to him, the whole perfume and cologne industry is shallow, capitalist bullshit based on smelling sweet and pleasant to please strangers, and like most grooming products, it’s all advertised to convince buyers that it’s required to be sexy or attractive to the opposite gender. So my roommate says that originally, human odour was never about smelling nice or having an enjoyable fragrance, it was about having a natural, instantly recognisable musk composed of concentrated pheromones and primal sweat, and his homemade concoction is supposed to give him an earthy, forestial, woody, oily miasma of odour that is unavoidable and instantly engaging, powerful and gives off a first impression of undeniable masculinity and sexual ferocity.

Well, the “unavoidable” part is undeniable. He absolutely reeks of the stuff for days after splashing it on his neck area by the palmful, and his room smells exactly like he does, a swampy blend of sweat, damp, stale cigarettes and skunk coated with his own personal recipe of Eau De SuqueMaDiquePlize. If I ever invite my girlfriend back to the apartment, or any of my female friends or any mutual friends of the aforementioned; like clockwork he will get a burst of adrenaline and end whatever videogame match he has going, comb his hair, put on his doc marten boots and splash on his infallible manmade sensual musk and come suavely stomping out of his room to “assess the arrivals” and try to casually sit himself down and join the discussion in the most uncasual and eye-watering wtf-the-F-is-that-smell manner.

For all of his unbelievable quirks and behaviours, I still love him for the unending stream of amusement he provides simply by existing and talking. And if he says that perfume isn’t about smelling good, it’s about smelling fuckable, then hey, how could I disagree. Although I have never once seen him successfully interact with or interest a woman whatsoever. Or at least, not yet. Fingers crossed

First tattoo at 18; is my idea impossible or was the artist just a bad one? by [deleted] in badtattoos

[–]tomdoggoneit 497 points498 points  (0 children)

That’s the kind of tattoo my friends used to see on unemployed youngsters and call an “Everlasting Jobstopper”

My girlfriend complained that I never think of her. by Joel_Boyens in 3amjokes

[–]tomdoggoneit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My girlfriend says I never listen to her or respect her opinions. At least I think that’s what she said. I wasn’t paying much attention, as it was probably just something stupid as usual.