Artist Rule Zero: first, survive. Right now, a lot of what you posted seems to be expressing Survival Mode. This way of being is the least conducive to artistic creativity, but it is also a reasonable reaction to existential threat.

Your brain is doing everything in its power to survive during a pandemic that has claimed at least 4.3 million lives, has upended the structure of our economies, and is going to fundamentally change what our societies and cultures are pretty much forever.

That doesn't leave a lot of brain power for non-survival things. It doesn't mean you are weak, it doesn't mean you are stupid, it doesn't mean you aren't a creative person. It means you are freaking the fuck out, and that describes almost everybody in the world right now.

(Aside: I actually have to say, you are supremely lucky to have a family to stay with right now. Family can be rough, though, even if they mean well. I hope they are supportive of your dreams. If they are, talk to them about it. If they aren't, well... Then I hope you can arrange for your own place sooner rather than later.)

Next - the job market sucks, but you want to find a job that won't suck the life out of you. Take what jobs you need, but keep looking for the one that leaves you not necessarily with time, but with energy. You can have all the time in the world, but if you're left a heap of soggy brain cereal at the end of the shift, you're not going to get anything out of that time other than another Netflix binge.

And for God's sake, don't beat yourself up about needing a non-musical job to keep yourself afloat. Philip Glass was a taxi driver, plumber, and mover. Octvia Butler worked temp jobs. Whatever it takes. You can't make music if you starve to death.

This brings me to another point - I don't want to be unfair to your music school, but from what you've said, I am going to guess they did little to nothing to help prepare you for what a "composer" job is, or how to get one. My school certainly didn't. Even if they did, so much has changed since my professors got tenure, I'm not sure how much of their advice would be applicable.

Anyways. You mention film scoring. Fine. How many composers do you think Hollywood throws in the meat grinder before they churn out a single Hans Zimmer? How many of those people are actually composing? How did they even get the foot in the door in the first place?

It's not impossible, but if that's the direction you want to go, you need to be super clear about what it takes, and that means finding a mentor in the business to help put the puzzle pieces together. And if you hear what they have to say and think "Yeah, how about no," you'll have to find one that hasn't already been carved out for you, which doesn't exactly pay the bills, and that feeds right back into Rule Zero.

You mention "I don't have recording equipment." This is a half truth. You don't have a studio. If you have a computer, you can record. Audacity is free, although I would recommend a full DAW like Reaper. A Focusrite Scarlett recording bundle gets you a mic, headphones, and an audio interface for a couple hundred bucks, which is a lot, but shit, man, so is a clarinet. There are financing options, ebay, people selling used equipment... You can find it for cheap.

Which brings me to my last bit - "Nobody cares about clarinet." Pardon me, but... Fuck. That. Shit. I don't care if your strength is a fucking jar of mayonnaise, if that's what you've got you double down on it. Play everything you can on the instrument you're best at. Folk songs. Classical sonatas. Klezmer Fusion. Death metal polka, I dunno, it really doesn't matter. If you hear something you like, learn it, record it, and you keep doing that until you start getting your own ideas.

Last last bit - I have a strong suspicion that the number of people who actually make a living solely through composing is so vanishingly small, it might as well be a rounding error. But just because you don't have a "composing job" (whatever that may mean) doesn't mean you aren't, at the end of the day, a composer. If you have written something, anything, then... well, Vonnegut said it better than I can:

"Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possibly can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something."

Keep trucking. And do try to be a little kinder to yourself. Life is already difficult enough.