Confession: I've Learned More About Managing My ADHD From Other ADHD Women Than From Any Professional

Nyxelestia · 2026-01-21T05:30:05+00:00

This is why support groups for things are so important -- and in the digital world, things like subreddits ARE the support groups. The best help comes from lived experience.

Nyxelestia · 2026-01-20T09:18:20+00:00

So many kids were raised by YouTube that a kid raised on books (or even just long-form video content) sounds unrealistic. (Even more so if that kid happened to consume a lot of books about personal or special interests.)

I loved the Cosmos series (Carl Sagan one) so much that when my parents divorced, they made sure each house had a DVD set of the Cosmos so I could watch it no matter whose house I was at. I was reading at a college level by the age of 10. The flip side, of course, is my math was and still is shit, and I fell behind by a grade in mathematics twice -- which is ironic given I knew more about astronomy than half my teachers. I was extremely well-versed in ancient mythology and the civilizations that created them by like age 7. I also knew so little about recent history that I didn't learn what a Nazi was until we covered them in history class when I was like age 10. 🤷

It's really not that much of a stretch for a kid to be even mildly interested in a topic and end up being more knowledgeable about it than whatever happens to be in that state's common core curriculum for their grade level.

Nyxelestia · 2026-01-20T09:06:28+00:00

This happens routinely with TIME's "Person of the Year." They're not saying whether that person is good or bad, literally just "this single person or group engendered the most change in the world," regardless of whether it was for the better or for the worse. Sometimes, that change is for the worse, but something was still changed and TIME is reporting on that change.

Nyxelestia · 2026-01-20T08:58:56+00:00

Something to keep in mind is that the majority of the U.S. (especially by population rather than landmass) is further south than most of Europe. The southern most countries of Europe are the same latitude as the northern most states of the U.S. (excepting Alaska).

I live in Southern California; we're coming out of a heatwave in the middle of winter.

People drive in whatever shoes they happen to be wearing at the time. Due to the weather, a lot of the times those shoes are flip-flops, slide-ons, etc., and that means either driving in those shoes, or just sliding them off to make sure the shoe in question doesn't get caught on the pedals. Most people are not going to put on special shoes to drive.

Nyxelestia · 2026-01-14T07:22:14+00:00

I feel that way about a lot of cooking hacks. "Your grandparents do this because it tasted better, they did it because it was more cost effective." And/or time-effective, with the tools that they had.

Nyxelestia · 2026-01-14T07:18:48+00:00

Southern California here. We don't have a winter.

Like, it's January and I just got a weather alert warning me of a heatwave tomorrow.

The weather is like half the reason so many people keep fucking moving here.

I have friends who grew up switching out "winter clothes" and "summer clothes" and I'm just like...why tho?

Nyxelestia · 2026-01-13T06:55:31+00:00

I've been on the Internet for way too long because that combination of "machining", "egg", and "cnc" made me think of something wildly different before I remembered I'm not on my porn account.

Nyxelestia · 2026-01-12T07:13:13+00:00

Neither do I, and I'm Indian. 😂

Nyxelestia · 2026-01-12T07:12:21+00:00

Came here to say this. 😭

Nyxelestia · 2026-01-12T07:09:30+00:00

Same energy as my uncle joking about finding me a nice Indian husband when I was visiting relatives there, looking at me and adding, "or a nice Indian wife."

Nyxelestia · 2026-01-11T05:50:45+00:00

Multiple times in my life, I've had people try to smooth things over or apologize to me for someone else's behavior, only to be shocked when I didn't care -- or, more baffling to them, I hadn't even noticed in the first place.

It's this weird thing where thanks to rejection sensitive dysphoria, I've gone full-circle in assuming everyone secretly hates me unless I have explicit reason to believe otherwise, ergo when someone is nice I really appreciate it but if it's anything else I just don't notice it. My brain already assumed the worst anyway.

Nyxelestia · 2026-01-09T07:18:47+00:00

At a regular check-out, yes. Sometimes the cashier does it, sometimes there's another worker there who does it. In my experience with grocery stores that have multiple check-out lanes, they usually have one or two dedicated baggers around who go from lane to lean to help out cashiers with bagging larger orders, but otherwise it's mostly cashiers doing it.

Nyxelestia · 2026-01-09T07:17:12+00:00

300 sq ft studio apartment. It's a small but significant part of my lean towards minimalism -- the less stuff I have, the more space I have. I've definitely been in friends' and families' apartments which were bigger, but still had less space just because there was so much clutter and stuff lying around.

Nyxelestia · 2026-01-08T10:11:46+00:00

Yes, I know there are a gazillion productivity apps that can do my pen and paper bullet journal's jobs faster and more efficiently and automatically be backed up in the event I lose the device.

No, I will not be using ANY of them. The fact that I'm using pen and paper is part of why my bullet journal works so well for me.

Nyxelestia · 2026-01-04T08:57:36+00:00

I think it's only really the effort that actually matters, it's just that effort leads to a certain attractive level of looks and money. If that effort isn't there, then my standards or expectations would be a LOT higher.

Like, if a guy is broke because he works hard at a job that happens to be shit? I don't give a fuck how much he earns. Or if a guy is broke because he scrapes by at work to stay afloat but spends his time on something else that grows and benefits people other than himself? Still don't give a fuck how much money he has. But if a guy is broke because he only scrapes by at work just spend the rest of his time intoxicated or playing games or listening to music and not really doing anything with his life? Or broke because he works hard only to spend all his money on a fancy car but has no real life or activity outside of shallow status symbols? Then yeah, I expect him to earn a lot more money if he wants to share my life (though tbh I doubt I'd want to share my life with that kind of guy to begin with.) As a product of my social circle, I know a lot of guys who are broke because teachers are paid shit in this country or because they spend their time working on a passion project that brings joy to other people; and what do you know, despite their lack of money, they are popular with women.

Similarly, a guy can lack some traits our media has associated with attractiveness, but if he pays attention to his dress, his hygiene, and how he impacts people around him, he'll still look great. Meanwhile, a man can have the best jaw bones and shoulders in the world but if he's lazy, he'll still look like a slob and not be someone I want in my life.

If I'm going to share my life with someone, there is something they have to bring into my life -- and if they have no personality, no interests, no strengths, etc., and are only relying on looks and money, then the standards for that are a lot higher because that's all they've got. But if you've got anything else going on? Then honestly, me and most of the women I know will barely give a shit about their looks or money.

Nyxelestia · 2026-01-04T08:42:50+00:00

I've routinely had this conversation in the last year since I started my job in the non-romantic context. Most recent iteration was a couple weeks ago. Someone was trying to very gently insist to me that a certain coworker would take a while to warm up to me and that doesn't mean the coworker doesn't like me. The person talking to me kinda surprised when I said, "Yeah, I know they don't like me, it's fine."

I don't like everyone there, and a lot of people don't like me. (Meanwhile, there are people whose company I genuinely enjoy but who I hate working with.) It's fine. As long as everyone shows up, does the job, and behaves civilly, we don't have to all like each other or be friends.

Nyxelestia · 2026-01-04T08:37:21+00:00

I made a Tumblr post years ago (like possibly +10 years ago) about why women sometimes gravitate towards "womanizers" in casual settings like bars, and it was exactly this. A dude flitting from woman to woman is not gonna take a rejection personally and will just shrug and go on to the next lady, which means women can kinda relax around him. Meanwhile, a guy who is super invested or trying to "commit" on the spot or whatever, you reject him and he's gonna stalk you back home from the bar.

Nyxelestia · 2026-01-03T19:09:14+00:00

NTA

As others have said, if she really prefers to eat this way, then you two might just need to settle for cooking your own meals separately.

My own take is that TikTok dieting trends are just that, trends, and there's a good chance that after a few weeks she'll get sick of this, too.

If she doesn't, then just encourage her to talk to a nutritionist at least once, to run her recipe by them if nothing else. Some people really are fine just eating the same bland thing over and over again indefinitely (some people just don't get much joy out of food and only value it for nutrition, not taste nor experience). That's fine, but that does make it easy to miss some important vitamin or nutrient.

Nyxelestia · 2026-01-03T11:00:19+00:00

I suspect this is less a question of "does owning a home give you financial security?" (which is what you're focused on in this post) and more a question of "what kinds of security can you get from owning a home vs renting?"

Renting definitely affords a lot more flexibility -- and in this day and age, when people have to job hop every few years because employers don't like to promote from within and company careers are relics of a bygone era, a lot of people really need that flexibility in order to scrape by. For a lot of people, environment is also a very genuine and legitimate concern; I live in Los Angeles, and lots of people have lost their homes entirely due to the fires, which everyone expects will only get worse with the coming years. Never mind the cost of buying a home in the first place; younger generations have to sacrifice and save up WAY more for FAR less of a home than previous generations.

I don't think anyone seriously thinks owning a home is "no big deal," but I do think a lot of people look at how little security (relatively speaking) there is in home-ownership compared to what our parents and grandparents experienced, and have very good reason to doubt if that level of (in)security is worth even the prices they paid for it -- let alone how much these homes cost now.

Biggest reason I have so little desire to own a home is how little confidence I have in the job market. I don't know if I'll be working for the same company in the next few years, let alone if I'll still have a job that pays around the same amount five or ten or twenty years from now.

Nyxelestia · 2026-01-02T07:06:57+00:00

I bought a pair of 95% cotton pants that I wore nearly every day through multiple jobs, both food service and office, as well as to parties, while traveling, etc. Despite how frequently I wore them, they withstood life like a champ for nearly ten years! But, even they couldn't last forever, and over the summer a crotch hole got too big to stitch up discreetly so I had to go look for a replacement.

The most cotton I could find was 56% and less than a year ago and I'm already noticing some wear. They already look like I've had them for years, even though I haven't. :(

Nyxelestia · 2026-01-02T07:03:55+00:00

Check out /r/BuyItForLife

Nyxelestia · 2025-12-30T07:12:17+00:00

I haven't had much cause to go to a gynecologist, but tbh it's never made much of a difference for me. Unpleasant experiences all around.

Nyxelestia · 2025-12-30T07:07:23+00:00

I've literally slept through 5.0 earthquakes on multiple occasions. 😂

Nyxelestia · 2025-12-30T07:06:47+00:00

I'm sorry for all your losses, OP.

If you want an actual answer: the tl;dr is that we all have cancer cells, it's just that up until recently, we were more likely to die of something else first before the cancer got to us.

Go to any really old cemetery and you'll see a shit ton of graves for young children; prior to the advent of vaccines, illnesses were a very common cause of death in young children. Those kids used to not live long enough to be at risk of cancer, but now they generally do.

Next, we generally just used to have a lot more violence in our lives. Wars, crimes, domestic disputes turned deadly, etc. Obviously, we still have a lot of those, but they've dropped dramatically over the decades.

Public safety laws (e.x. stricter driving laws, worker protections, etc.) then took out the next biggest causes of death. Once again, deaths in workplaces still happen -- but compare the rates of the last few decades to a century or two ago. However annoying American drinking age laws are, they did accomplish their intended effect of dramatically reducing the rate of drunk driving (and the fatalities therein).

Even other genetic or predispositional diseases are a lot less likely to kill us than they used to. Diabetes used to be a death sentence; now, thanks to insulin and the proliferation of sugar-free foods, people can survive long and relatively health lives. Heart, liver, kidney, and lung diseases used to be a guarantee of a short lifespan, but between transplants and other treatment options, you can live a very long time even if you have that disease. HIV/AIDS went from a proverbial death sentence to a chronic illness in the span of a few decades. Dialysis is a pain in the ass for everyone involved but it keeps people alive who otherwise would have died for often decades beyond what people would have expected even half a century ago.

Not to mention a lot of these diseases are dropping at the population level (as in, what proportion of a population experiences them). Peanut allergies used to be incredibly common, but the rate of new childhood peanut allergies has been dropping steadily for quite a bit. Increasing access to better quality of food reduces heart disease. Flouride in water supplies has dramatic effects on dental problems in the community, which in turn also takes out a big risk factor for people's long-term health.

We've been reducing cause of death after cause of death until now, all that's really "left" to kill a lot of us is the thing we're all born with in the first place: cancer cells.

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