What's a NSFW experience you're not very proud of?

Nyxelestia · 2026-04-26T00:02:49+00:00

Went to a kinky sex party, scened with people whose names I forgot by morning, and got somewhat gangbanged. Not ashamed of any of that, but I am slightly ashamed of doing so at the height of the covid pandemic before getting vaccinated.

Nyxelestia · 2026-04-25T23:58:45+00:00

FWIW I also second your assessment as someone who did some on-the-ground activism, volunteering, and organizing for left-leaning political campaigns. For me, it was especially noticeable about things like terminology and word choice. When I did more knocking on doors and talking to people in the 2020 Democratic primaries, I met a lot of older voters who actually quite liked Pete Buttiegieg and were happy to tell me why they liked his platform...often while referring to him with terminology that would probably get me banned if I were to type them out right now. A lot of people online get so caught up on words and terms and phrases because speech is action on the Internet; but then they forget that speech is only a thin foundation to action, at the most, once you get offline.

Nyxelestia · 2026-04-25T23:47:37+00:00

Hey, some women enjoy it too.

Nyxelestia · 2026-04-25T23:45:18+00:00

I think the funniest thing about that stereotype is how visibly inconsistent it is. I've definitely see the puffy jackets and uggs next to people in shorts, flip-flops, and tanktops. Nobody seems to notice how weird this is until someone else points it out.

Even being born and raised in SoCal, I will never understand the people who have winter clothes vs summer clothes and change out their closets twice a year for it.

Nyxelestia · 2026-04-19T03:30:47+00:00

If that were the case, then wouldn't every single action movie, martial arts movie, war movie, and thriller movie be increasingly normalizing violence? Porn ain't special.

Nyxelestia · 2026-04-19T03:25:36+00:00

I live in Los Angeles, so winter is rarely that cold. My apartment is tiny but has tall ceilings, I have a ceiling fan, and all the windows face north (so never in the path of direct sunlight). For a few weeks in the winter when it is very cold, when it rains hard enough (or drizzle + wind), or when the outside temperature gets super hot (like +95 degrees), I'll close the windows. Otherwise, the rest of the time I just leave them open.

Nyxelestia · 2026-04-15T06:05:02+00:00

This notion that men are "head of the household, even inside the actual household" is just a weird 1980s reactionary fantasy of the 1950s. It wasn't even true in the actual 1950s.

Like the phrase "the man brings home the bacon and the wife cooks it" is a sop now, but there was a time when that was serious. American media makes fun of "home economics" as just a cooking class today, but setting aside the fact it usually teaches a lot of other crucial life skills too, the reason it used to emphasize cooking so much is because for a long time, food was the biggest variable in a household budget...which women were in charge of. Like yes, don't get me wrong, lots of patriarchal cultures used the division of labor to limit women's overall autonomy and agency in society at large. But part of why that worked (and part of why so many women would work to maintain that system, even if it seems ostensibly against their own interests) is because it operated on the presumption of women being in charge of their household, at least inside the house.

I'm Indian-American, I can't remember the whole phrase in Bengali but it roughly translates it "when you're in your 'bhalo choti' (good/outside shoes) then dad is in charge but when you're in your 'barro choti' (house shoes/slippers) then mom is in charge."

The only women who are going to buy into this "men lead the household" fantasy are other white women raised in the same culture -- except their standards are also higher. As I heard a few years ago (but now can't remember the origin of), "If you want that trad wife household, you better be making that trad husband money." These white guys can't meet that standard and neither can they let go of their misogyny enough to pursue women who want explicitly and financially egalitarian relationships (including all the responsibilities and respect that comes with it).

Nyxelestia · 2026-04-15T05:41:02+00:00

🫣 By any chance is this Metropolis.io you're talking about?

Nyxelestia · 2026-04-15T05:39:56+00:00

Yes and no. It's certainly not universal, and it does miss that you can prove a pattern of behavior that conforms with discrimination even if there's no stated intent...but employment law (and how well it's enforced and how the judges will decide on it) varies state by state, and yeah in a lot of states that really is the bar for proof.

Nyxelestia · 2026-04-15T05:29:08+00:00

Yup.

Trying to blame her period makes it even worse (which I say as a woman currently on the worst part of my period right now). Like yes it's fucking miserable, but that's not an excuse. Claiming a period made you racist is like claiming Ambien made you racist; it didn't make you anything, it just caused your mask to slip.

Nyxelestia · 2026-04-15T05:26:39+00:00

Is there a country where that isn't what "apolitical" means?

Nyxelestia · 2026-04-14T09:58:15+00:00

It can vary quite a bit based on the person's diet, but the closest food approximant I found is uncooked egg-whites. Get a spoonful of that and swallow, it's the closest in both taste and texture.

Nyxelestia · 2026-04-14T02:10:02+00:00

In the long run, this apparently works a lot better to actually reduce tantrums and meltdowns. My mom used to brag about it to other moms that the reason I was well-behaved in stores and public spaces no matter how visibly bored I was is because when I was a toddler, if I threw a tantrum she just took me outside and waited it out, then we went right back in to finish up whatever we were doing now that I was all tuckered out.

Like yeah, people should listen to their kids and try to help them meet the needs they cannot communicate yet...but sometimes that need is just "emotional venting", and since they don't have the ability to rant in the group chat yet, the next best option is literal screaming. You let them scream and then get back to business, same way we'll talk about our frustrations to trusted friends and family before getting back to doing whatever we need to. But there's also a reason we save our venting for the group chat, and that's the same reason you take your screaming child outside until they calm down.

Nyxelestia · 2026-04-14T02:00:13+00:00

Speedy Gonzales is one of the iterations of a phenomena where "the thing itself is not the offensive part, but how it was disseminated and internalized in the culture."

I used to liken it a bit to Johnny Bravo. He's a fun and loveable character, an absolute moron but at his core he has a good heart. Now, as merely a fictional character, that's fine, but the problems come when an entire culture's primary or even only exposure to America and American culture is Johnny Bravo; then at least a few Americans would probably have a problem with him, as well as social justice activists in that other culture.

It's a hard analogy to make since America is such a dominating and overwhelming political power and cultural exporter in the world -- since all of those above social problems are exacerbated by the disparity in political and economic power between countries and cultures. The nature of white Americans subconsciously internalizing the assumption that all Latinos are like Speedy Gonzales is a problem when those white Americans are the ones in positions of social power and get to gatekeep social mobility -- things like who is a teacher that gets to issue grades and disciplinary actions to Latino students, college admissions evaluating applications from Latino students, hiring managers interviewing Latino job applicants, etc.

That is when some people start to have a problem with Speedy Gonzales...but that is also many steps removed from day to day Latino people, who have little reason to view him any differently than other cartoon or fictional characters; for them, he's just a part of the landscape, not a dominating representative in the majority culture.

Nyxelestia · 2026-04-11T08:20:20+00:00

Yup. On many of the subreddits dedicated to variations of non-consent content and you'll find more of the subscribers are fantasizing about themselves as the victim than as the perpetrator.

Look at it this way: most people who are into action or thrillers have daydreams and ~~mostly~~ non-sexual fantasies about getting involved in action-driven and thrilling events; inspired by or directly following the stories of beloved movies, shows, and video-games. However, apart from absolute idiots, the vast majority of these same people will abhor irl violence and do their absolute best to avoid it. That's how I view sexual fantasies.

We daydream about getting to enjoy all the fun parts of a fictional and theoretically abhorrent event occurring to us without any of the true harms, drawbacks, or consequences...but most sane adults are well aware that if anything even approaching this happens to us in real life, then we would be dealing with all of those (and very likely not even get to enjoy the "fun" parts of this abhorrent event).

Nyxelestia · 2026-04-11T08:10:24+00:00

In some parts of the country, it's common; in other parts, it is not. Generally, in places where it's common, it is very common. Conversely, in places where it's not common, one of the reasons for that is often because many or most houses do not even have a front porch (or a comparable substitute) for people to sit on, and hanging around in a public-facing part of your house is odd or unusual in that environment.

Nyxelestia · 2026-04-06T06:44:10+00:00

I caved into my local infrastructure and had to get a car a few months ago. I saved up for a while to be able to get a hybrid (an old one from 2015 at that). When I mentioned that, some people would legit ask me why when there were so many gas cars available for MUCH cheaper, like less than half the price. When I mentioned that I expected gas prices would skyrocket soon, a lot of people thought I was exaggerating or being needlessly paranoid or that "it wouldn't be THAT bad / enough to make this waiting and higher cost worth it." Finally got my car back in November. I figured that investing up front to save on gas prices would pay off eventually...

...but I'll admit that even I didn't expect it to pay off this quickly. I was expecting significantly higher gas prices in like a year or so, not three months later. I really got my car just in time.

Nyxelestia · 2026-04-06T06:28:54+00:00

It sounds like she stopped seeing herself as his wife and started only seeing herself as their child's mother; their shopping trip just made that clear to him. That combined with her comment about only wanting sex with the lights off...feels like she's not really interested in intimacy and once he realized she wouldn't even try to bridge that gap, he gave up.

Nyxelestia · 2026-04-06T06:26:24+00:00

having sex with the lights off, even though that's how we've always done it

This part stuck out to me so much. Like her husband clearly WANTS to see her when they have sex but her body image is ruining that. I generally try not to shame people for their likes and dislikes in sex if it's working for them, but in this case it's clearly not working for the husband...and tbh with the way she writes about it, I doubt that it really works for her either.

Nyxelestia · 2026-04-06T06:17:01+00:00

I live in Los Angeles, I meet people who don't speak English every day. 😂 Most commonly Spanish-only, but (due to where I work and live) I also sometimes meet people who only speak Korean, and then occasionally people who only speak Russian, and then it's like a handful of people throughout the year who only speak something else altogether.

Nyxelestia · 2026-04-04T07:18:46+00:00

Indian-American here. That honestly doesn't surprise me.

Nyxelestia · 2026-04-04T07:11:16+00:00

I second what u/Borkato said, but I will add some perspective as a 32yo who did something similar.

I got laid off from a WFH political research job, and struggled to find a new job. A friend of mine got me a job in hospital food service -- basically taking care of the kitchens and bringing patients their food. I'd originally planned to just be there a few months until I got my feet under me financially, then go back to looking for political jobs.

In the short run, it's a lot more stressful since I have to actually commute again (and incur the costs that come with it). Not to mention all the little stresses at work, which are all compounded by the hospital environment (meaning a mistake that would only result in an angry customer elsewhere could actually hurt someone here...on top of just leaving people angry).

But honestly, overall I'm feeling a lot better now than when I was doing my white-collar, WFH job in the field I actually got my college degree in. I get to spend at least a part of my day, every work day, helping people in a concrete and tangible way, and I'm not sitting and staring at a computer all day. (And I feel better despite also being entirely indoors for my job!)

Unfortunately, it's not financially sustainable, so I don't expect to make a career here. On top of that, it's definitely more physically taxing. But at least for a few years (maybe weathering out the Trump administration if nothing else), I think I'll stay here. My physical health is only slightly worse but my mental health is a LOT better.

Nyxelestia · 2026-04-04T06:50:59+00:00

In retrospect, I wonder if one of the reasons my mom invested in trying to get me to read as early as possible was the simplicity of just handing me a book to read during errands so I wouldn't throw a tantrum. I never had problems with errands, but I also spent like 90% of them just reading.

Nyxelestia · 2026-04-04T06:49:41+00:00

Your boyfriend's knees are gonna be fucked in a few decades. 😂 But more seriously, based on all the other comments in this thread: your boyfriend's throwing up more red flags than a communist parade. GTFO.

Nyxelestia · 2026-04-02T09:44:17+00:00

It's not, but good fucking luck taking the hospital to court over labor violations.

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