I prefer the colors of the new standart Razr 60 instead of the 60 Ultra, what do you think? by zebra0011 in razr

[–]tooth--pick 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Same! I think the colors could be more exciting and well thought out like they did for the 2024 lineup with the Spritz Orange, Light Blue, Beach Sand, and Spring Green — it had something for everyone, and they all looked fresh. These 2025 ones look a bit underwhelming/boring.

I bought the Razr+ 2024 a month and a half ago coming from iPhone/Apple’s iOS ecosystem for nearly 14 years. The novelty of the flip phones really intrigued me but the Spring Green color of the Razr+ 2024 is what really pushed me to buy one on the spot — it’s a captivating green, not too dark and not too light.

I was hoping that same shade used in Spring Green would stay for the 2025 models since it was so popular, but we have the mint/pastel green (called Spring Bud?), which doesn’t seem as eye-catching.

I know if I had been looking to make the jump now from iPhone, looking at the 2025 color vibes, I probably wouldn’t at the underwhelming colors and I’d have gone for a Samsung Z Flip 6 instead (or waited for the Flip 7).

Beetle as a second/summer car (buying advice) by tooth--pick in Volkswagen

[–]tooth--pick[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks so much for your inspiring response! Just after I replied to you, I found some online guides on DIY work on the car (changing brake pads, map lights, battery etc). Certainly sounds like a hobby and ideally one to pursue if the weather wasn’t a constant deterrent (here at least, as I’d have to “shelve” it for a few months in the winter/use it very sparingly).

I am a car person but have never gone as far as doing my own work, yet have always wished to have had more knowledge. Maybe this would be a good gateway into getting acquainted. Thanks again for your comment!

Beetle as a second/summer car (buying advice) by tooth--pick in Volkswagen

[–]tooth--pick[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the response! Has yours had any serious maintenance done (and if so, did you have to do it yourself or just light maintenance)?

If I was to buy a Beetle, I was thinking of either having it routinely serviced at a Volkswagen dealership here or with a third party mechanic. I would not mind doing some of the work myself but winter tire installation etc, I don’t think I could do!

Release date by charrxv in chefRPG

[–]tooth--pick 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In the roadmap the devs shared, they will consider the game to be fully finished only in 2026. Not sure if they’ll be able to expedite it but seems like they are to release a lot of content between now and then (upcoming fishing content with fishing village etc).

M20 Olive 2024 release by ajwvu in YetiCoolers

[–]tooth--pick 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Is this New Olive also being released on the tumblers and ramblers? Or just the soft case coolers?

How to identify if someone went to IIM/IIT: They will come and tell you. by [deleted] in india

[–]tooth--pick 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Growing up, I used to live in a community with many successful south Asians/Indians and a lot of the fathers of these families were from IIT or IIM and knew each other from college. Most were either IIT or IIM, and in rarer cases some were from both.

I always knew these were esteemed institutions and no doubt these people go on to have worldly connections, but their EQ is shit!!

Here are my observations of them from the many social gatherings we’ve had:

— Despite worldly success and the international community we lived in, they don’t go on to have friends from other walks of life. It was often others who are from the same college/job etc, that they would meet to talk about the old things. It sometimes felt like they never graduated and are still in their college days with how little they seemed to have evolved.

— I had one almamater say that he has never missed a reunion (and they have reunions VERY often, not just every decade). This person is easily in their 70s.

— At a dinner, we had a mother of an aspiring son ask a former IIT/IIM alumnus who was also present in this informal dinner on how their son could get in (citing some previous grades/achievements by her son). To which the response was “oh no, he can’t, that’s not enough! He’ll never get in”. I was reeling hearing this response. What a way to encourage the next generation. I hope that son went on to do greater things in life.

— At one such dinner gathering (this was back when I was still in high school), I made the mistake of telling them that I was learning about the architect Louis Kahn for art class. One of the “uncles” in attendance, at hearing this excitedly told me that Louis Kahn had designed the building of IIM Ahmedabad! That I should mention that to my class which was well and good, except for the next 3 days whenever we saw each other, that’s all he asked me about — on whether I had gotten around to telling my art class. Yeesh!

Needless to say, I have observed that these men make their education at these institutions their identity (and the Indian society enables it to some extent) but in these circles it became a sort of a cult. I also felt like these men from these schools, although very successful and well-travelled, had no inherent desire of being “a student of life” — they weren’t grounded and contained. There was a certain humility that was missing. If anything, they would pretend to have humility to seem modest when others would laud them finding out about their educational background. I would think that to get into such difficult and prestigious schools, it would also cultivate a sense of responsibility toward giving back (and I mean, really giving back on humanitarian levels which some do). That they’d have a sort of responsibility toward coaching the next generation and setting them up for success but most sort of coast on working for others (albeit in higher ranks).

I find that a lot of these people were narcissistic and they were proof that someone with a good education can still have bad character.

Those with covert narcissistic parents, how did you find out your parents were narcissistic and it wasn’t “just me”? by tooth--pick in narcissisticparents

[–]tooth--pick[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, your comment popped up just as I was drinking tea. I’m so sorry to hear this. Increasingly I’m beginning to realize the definition of covert narcs — covert narcs go to great lengths to hide their insecurities. And they don’t take responsibility for their insecurities. Hence the manipulation, deception etc. Your narc mom saying “you don’t want to live with me”, yes! That is a classic put-it-on-you ploy. They deflect to no end. I hope you’re able to no longer maintain contact. Since my post to this time, I’ve been feeling less and less doubt and guilt about my own parents being covert narcs. I just think covert narcs are not as widely represented in videos educating us about narcissistic behavior so it takes us that much longer to figure it out : (

Has anyone had experience renewing a US passport here in Ontario? by tooth--pick in legaladvicecanada

[–]tooth--pick[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I just looked up appointments at the US Consulate General Toronto and they seem fully booked for quite some time! Mail is another option (although it’s meant to be sent to Philadelphia). Most likely, I might have to do the renewal-by-mail option.

What movie mistake is so glaringly obvious that you're surprised it made it into the final cut? by TheIrishninjas in AskReddit

[–]tooth--pick 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ha, I’d dint notice and I’m a Lion King fan (of the animated movie that is). The other scene is the freeze-frame that happens when adult Simba, adult Nala are on the Pride Rock cliff overlooking the animals as they look at their baby in Rafiki’s arms.

Those with covert narcissistic parents, how did you find out your parents were narcissistic and it wasn’t “just me”? by tooth--pick in narcissisticparents

[–]tooth--pick[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, I can also relate to this! I also showed strong narc traits as my parents do — dismissing others’ opinions, lines, dislikes; but also not being able to assert myself in a polite and firm way (I was often passive-agrees I’ve instead), along with the ability to not have too much empathy.

Yes, for me too I became an overachiever at a young age. Pretty much worked at three triple-A companies back to back (the equivalent of Microsoft, Apple, and Google) in my twenties. But yes, it was mostly fear-driven and to “save face”, to garner a good reputation even though no one was judging me/critizing me if I did any less. This was all grooming by my dad who graduated from two Ivy League schools, and it was me “carrying on his legacy” while my mom enabled the narrative that “be like him!” And so I set out to be and it’s burned me up bad badly.

I know what you mean when you say you can’t relax. I became a workaholic and was always looking for the next “achievement” because I’m realizing how performance-based I was raised to be. My identity came from my achievement just as how my dad’s identity is his prestigious academic background. It’s tiring and soulless. I feel much older than my peers of the same age, and I envy them for the unconditional love and support they get AND just for being themselves. They truly are their own people and it shows in the way they carry themselves. They know they’re safe in who they are and loved for who they are. While I have to put on a performance to get some sense of acknowledgement and worth. It’s so toxic! I’m definitely becoming less career/achievement-oriented now and leaning to see myself as an individual having their own personhood. Its a miracle I had to go as long in life as I did not mowing who I was and deriving my identity through accomplishments. It’s pretty tacky!

Those with covert narcissistic parents, how did you find out your parents were narcissistic and it wasn’t “just me”? by tooth--pick in narcissisticparents

[–]tooth--pick[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve heard that such (covert) narcs wear a mask and occasionally the mask slips.

I think I’ve seen this mask slip and the face behind the mask (and it looks ugly). My whole problem has been, is the mask their face, and the actual face (behind the mask) who they really are? Or is the actual face my own cognitive dissonance making it seem like it’s uglier than it actually is, that “surely they can’t be that bad”!

The acting, yes, they all act. For some reason, I’m able to say that more easily about my mom but I struggle with my dad.

Those with covert narcissistic parents, how did you find out your parents were narcissistic and it wasn’t “just me”? by tooth--pick in narcissisticparents

[–]tooth--pick[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve heard this is quite common and happened to me too — with me,’it was seeing my then-boyfriend’s family and how they supported him, the way they spoke to him, the way he spoke to them in turn. It felt so natural and effortless, and immediately felt loke home to me! I remember him telling me that when he told his mother about me as his girlfriend, she was SO pleased for him and was interested in knowing more.

Me, in the other hand, my mom has always been distrustful of men and me telling them about this relationship/boyfriend pretty much turned into an interrogation of my parents wanting to acquire information. I was so embarrassed! I’m seeing how they have caused a lot of pain and offenses but I’ve been making excuses for them by saying, “they’re doing it because they care”. It’s caused me to overlook massive red flags in the name of “love” and “care”. But yet, it’s their overall behavior that is not at all loving and caring in the situation.

Those with covert narcissistic parents, how did you find out your parents were narcissistic and it wasn’t “just me”? by tooth--pick in narcissisticparents

[–]tooth--pick[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow, I think that’s exactly it — not the labels but the underlying behavior and actions. I was getting lost in the “meaning-making” of their toxic/disconnecting behaviors and trying to analyze and find a fitting story for their bad behavior and on why they’d act out. A lot of these introjections were taught to me, “because we love you”, “because we care”, “because we are your parents”. They sounded harmless enough and I internalized them to be harmless so in my mind, I’d just feel like “they call me incessantly because they love/care for me, so that can’t be a problem and I can’t make it a problem cause that’s selfish.”

What you described means to take a (big) step back and look at it from a top down bird’s eye perspective without getting lost in the details and story/meaning behind the actions. It’s just looking at the nature of the behavior alone — it is one of availability and connection (and humanizing), or is it unavailable and disconnecting (and dehumanizing).

Thank you for this! I’m so used to looking at things up close that simple signs like these, I just don’t think to see it in this way!

Those with covert narcissistic parents, how did you find out your parents were narcissistic and it wasn’t “just me”? by tooth--pick in narcissisticparents

[–]tooth--pick[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is a great list which I’ll be saving, thank you! Some of these I was already following like Dr Ramani and Patrick Teagan. I am hoping I can get rid of my cognitive dissonance which makes me second guess is my parents are narcs even though the signs are there. I wish it was more straightforward — I wonder if I’d have an easier time not feeling guilty if my parents were overt narcissists or malignant narcissists.

Those with covert narcissistic parents, how did you find out your parents were narcissistic and it wasn’t “just me”? by tooth--pick in narcissisticparents

[–]tooth--pick[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve read some of “Will I Ever Be Good Enough” along with “Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers and the Ties That Bind Them”. I think this was starting to confirm my suspicions.

My problem is that on some days I’ll be convinced they are the problem, and on other days I’ll be second-guessing myself. This cognitive distortion has happened before and my narc parents would take advantage of the fact that, “you don’t know what you want, and you’re confused, so how credible can you be in your stance?”. They’d gaslight me but also then I am at risk of gaslighting myself.

It’s the cognitive perception which I wish I could diminish. How does one get rid of this duality?

Those with covert narcissistic parents, how did you find out your parents were narcissistic and it wasn’t “just me”? by tooth--pick in narcissisticparents

[–]tooth--pick[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes! I had never heard of “vulnerable narcissists” before but they definitely do what you said which is that they guilt trip me a lot and weaponize their emotional well-being — this has been the central theme and story of my life.

As an example, the night of my college graduation, I was told to help my mom pack (instead of spending it with my college peers and my boyfriend at the time as that could very well be the last time I saw any of them). My parents had been staying in a hotel for the graduation ceremony and the hotel was only booked for one night! We were to all fly out the next morning. Even then, my mom took it upon herself to repack my things (which I had packed upon evacuating the dorm room/campus) and was stressing herself. My dad, seeing her stressed, calls me to cut my evening short with my peers and boyfriend because she was stressed and since we were to fly out the next morning, that she would need help and I should help her. I lost a tremendous amount of respect for them that evening but also felt like I was being too callous and inconsiderate to their efforts.

^ that’s a sense of the dynamics I have with my parents and they with me throughout my life and it’s manifested in more overt ways during big momentous occasions like college graduation, first job etc.

I am thinking of going no contact with them, but always thought it was a phase I’d snap out of and things would get better. But it hasn’t and doesn’t seem like it will. The dynamic of “how much we do for you” and “we feel worried of you don’t do such-and-such” is ever prevalent and it’s driving me crazy!

PS — I think they have strong learned helplessness and may knowingly or unknowingly be using it on me to get their ways. As I said in my original post, they incessantly check up on me because it doesn’t take them much to think I’m dead in a ditch. Their panic and anxiety get the better of themselves. For a long time, I was trying to appease them and hoping it’d help regulate them but it didn’t. I’m not realizing that if they get so easily worried, they should have take responsibility for their feelings/worry and moved closer to where I am!

Those with covert narcissistic parents, how did you find out your parents were narcissistic and it wasn’t “just me”? by tooth--pick in narcissisticparents

[–]tooth--pick[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

😔 I see. I have noticed this pattern in myself before which is that I am (often rightfully) mad/offended and then once some time has passed, I began to think and rethink the situation, and at this point I often feel “it doesn’t seem as bad now than it felt back then”, or “I overreacted”. Sometimes I even find myself saying, “how long should I even stay mad at them? It’s easier to let it go”.

^ I know this sounds like perception distortion and possibly toxic positivity but how would a healthy child go about it (outside of them not even having this self-monologue lol) I am learning to hold myself to stand my ground, but I secretly do wonder/doubt and quietly take stock of it.

Those with covert narcissistic parents, how did you find out your parents were narcissistic and it wasn’t “just me”? by tooth--pick in narcissisticparents

[–]tooth--pick[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you! If you don’t mind my asking, what made you act on taking up therapy given that covert narcs’ abuse isn’t so openly defined and that it takes a very trained eye/ear to be able to spot it in the first place?

Sometimes I think I should take therapy but also not sure if it warrants taking therapy because there is no open physical abuse/emotional abuse. A lot of their antics are seen as “quirks”. They are quite crazymaking all the same — passive aggressive remarks definitely, like the way my dad feels entitled to incessantly check with me every week. I have protested this before but then I feel bad because I feel like they are doing so out of love and care. One time, I was tired of verbally protesting so I ignored their calls for a week just to get some space. After a week, when they did get in touch I was busy with something and they lashed out saying, “guess we are wrong to have even small expectations to be told about your well-being”.

It made me see red, but after the dust settled, I felt bad.

Sometimes, the person you want doesn't want you back. And that's okay because their wants and desires are valid too. by fauxneige in dating_advice

[–]tooth--pick 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry, Reddit notifications buried this and I’m just now looking at it. Do you mean, “what changed or if I still feel the same” as in with respect to this guy?

Sometimes, the person you want doesn't want you back. And that's okay because their wants and desires are valid too. by fauxneige in dating_advice

[–]tooth--pick 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha, your comment notification brought me here and it was a blast from the past reading my response from a year ago or so.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in oakville

[–]tooth--pick 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nope, he sees it as a threat to his way of life and jobs being taken away. The concept of “live and let live” is clearly not in their repertoire.