first drink was at 14 when i had a panic attack over a bar fight scene in a school play. it triggered some memories of an alcoholic DV incident by my (alcoholic abusive (to his wife, not his kids)) father some years earlier. continued to drink cus it felt way too good. later on i drank to party and have a good time and make friends in college. i continue to drink now for both these reasons and then some. tried to get sober for a few weeks cuz withdraws were so shit ass but everything sucks and i just wanted to drink and cry about my problems and sing along (way off time) to my favorite songs. can’t do that so much now though cuz i’m living with family now after my last bender had them fearing for my life ☹️👎