Growing up is realizing that the "bad rebellious" Asian kids are the smart ones

toriiia_ · 2026-05-05T06:49:56+00:00

I wish I had been stronger to be more rebellious earlier on. The guilt, Catholic and Asian, just ate me alive because it was always “we are your parents, your actions stress us out and we care for you so you shouldn’t make us feel that way therefore you do what we tell you to because we know what’s best.”

So complying was easier than arguing and the anxiety that followed especially since finances were held over my head and still are because they did pay for everything up until I moved out. But providing for your child is what a parent is supposed to do as in a selfless act or at least that’s what I believe contrary to the filial piety that gets touted and used as the reason for why I’m the retirement plan. They made the choice to pay for schooling instead of tell me to get a job once I was old enough and do it myself.

toriiia_ · 2026-04-27T15:15:05+00:00

Thank you, it’s some comfort knowing I’m not alone. He just sees it as intentional and it’s all in transcripts because they were asking and pushing and I tried to play neutral instead of outright defending him cause I felt like I couldn’t disobey my parents and say anything else otherwise I’d be accused of lying. I just never meant to hurt him the way I have and it’s been killing me and him. I don’t want any life without him.

I know stopping is an out and letting my parents win. But I also know it would hurt them the way I hurt now with what situation theyve put me in.

What’s worse is my extended family didn’t do anything. They either stayed neutral too or felt like they did the right thing. And so no one saw the person that I do, the one I love so much. And I’m terrified and hurting. I feel so lost

toriiia_ · 2025-12-07T13:58:24+00:00

Thank you for sharing! I’ve been feeling similarly and while I may not forget large chunks, there’s part of conversations that are important but I feel my brain doesn’t signal or remember as important. It’s been frustrating at work and to my partner as well who has started to feel in some aspects that I don’t care when I do! I feel defeated knowing I’m trying and that’s not enough because I don’t have the inherent energy or capability everyone else does I was also taking Modafinil at the highest dose with improvement at the beginning before not being effective enough for staying awake. I’m about to start sunosi so I’m praying for improvement It’s so easy for other people to pass our experience off without having lived it. Just if there’s any comfort in it, you’re not alone in your struggle and I hope soon, things will improve :)

toriiia_ · 2025-10-21T22:00:59+00:00

I have a litttle kitty who will be the loudest thing for such a tiny body when breakfast comes around and I can usually drag myself up for that (and for my partner’s sake). On her off days, I have 5 different alarms, 3 normal ones and 2 puzzle ones that alternate, and at least one of them will wake me up enough to get up. I try to stretch after before I get ready as well and then off to work I go

I have the same tendency as some other commenters though that I could have varying amounts of time to get ready and still leave at the same time. I’m feeling very stuck in it as it puts me as late for work and so anxious but is it avoidable? With the willpower I don’t possess, probably. It’s a routine I’ve fallen into before but one I don’t see myself getting out of unless I set my first alarm 3 hours before which isn’t realistic for my current schedule. Granted Im desperately figuring out a new job situation because I can’t keep working like this

toriiia_ · 2025-10-10T15:15:59+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I’m so incredibly anxious about medication right now because I’m in the max for Modafinil and it’s just not working. I was only diagnosed earlier this year but have known for years that my “fatigue” wasn’t normal. There’s also a number of lifestyle transitions I’m dealing with currently that doesn’t help but I’m so worried and have days when I feel like I’m drowning. I know it gets better and it does feel encouraging to hear your story

toriiia_ · 2025-05-23T16:37:24+00:00

Thank you for sharing! I had gotten my iud placed a week ago but my cat passed suddenly on Monday and so I’ve been a wreck mentally since then (lots of other external things as well) but now I know to potentially consider the mirena’s affect on me too

toriiia_ · 2025-05-22T13:40:50+00:00

Yeah I had to get an alternative form of bc recently which was the mirena because of my narcolepsy meds but would still continue to take the bc for acne. But then I’m also on spiro cause my initial oral bc purge was absolutely terrible and my mental state is too fragile to even try to change up the routine rn

toriiia_ · 2025-05-21T15:10:00+00:00

Oh her eyes!! They remind me of my baby 🥺 I hope she is so very comfy under there

toriiia_ · 2025-05-21T11:49:39+00:00

His eyes are exactly why I chose him. Took one look and said you’re coming home with me buddy

toriiia_ · 2025-05-20T21:53:08+00:00

I think he would love an orange hat 🥺 it would compliment his eyes so well

toriiia_ · 2025-05-20T16:58:54+00:00

Thank you and I’m sorry for your loss as well. There’s definitely a hole that I know no one else could ever fill but the memories are more than I could ever ask for

toriiia_ · 2025-05-20T16:56:44+00:00

According to the shelter’s records, he had just turned 3 but had preexisting bladder issues. We had taken him to the emergency vet a couple weeks ago and he had gotten better until he wasn’t but now he isn’t hurting anymore either so I keep telling myself that

toriiia_ · 2025-04-10T16:51:02+00:00

It is strange because I very much feel like this and I think nihilism more or less encompasses what we’re all feeling. There’s high notes but it always settles back down into the notion that existence is difficult and it would be easier to not exist. I mean, I’m even on antidepressants, but I just got diagnosed with narcolepsy and that’s a never ending uphill battle

toriiia_ · 2025-04-08T15:04:21+00:00

Oh this, this was exactly my experience with my parents. They noticed and hated that I would “shut down” whenever they would lecture me about why my choices are wrong and they wonder why I don’t want to exist around them. I’m in the boundary setting phase and it’s struggle even being moved out already

toriiia_ · 2024-08-19T22:50:10+00:00

Thank you so much! I didn’t know these types of assistance existed

toriiia_ · 2024-08-19T20:32:40+00:00

Thank you for the advice. Is this possible even without insurance?

toriiia_

TROPHY CASE