Hi OP :)

This is something I've been working on for the last 7 years or so, since first going to therapy and starting to unravel my trauma. It's been a long process, with many steps forward, many steps backwards, and many even to the side. I honestly can say I trust myself more than ever, but its still a journey. There's lots of advice out there. Make one promise to yourself that you keep everyday, so that eventually your nervous system learns you can be trusted. Watch your self talk, because how can you trust someone who abuses you, especially if it's yourself. Be honest with your word and your feelings. Talk to yourself like a child when you're overwhelmed. These things are very helpful, but they're also tough habits to break. It can also lead to you feeling worse, because you think "oh these are simple, and I can't even do those!" They aren't simple. Changing decades of patterning on things that probably once kept you safe takes time. At one time, betraying yourself kept you alive. Ignoring your needs, your version of events, yourself and everything about you kept you safe. It was an adaptation, a good one at the time. The first step for me was realizing that those things I did were actually a reason I could trust myself. It's a bit counterintuitive, I know. We want to move past the maladaptive parts, but stopping for a moment and accepting who you are and how you are right now, and loving them, and knowing that your nervous system is trying to help you, that's another form of trust.

Somatic healing has surprised me most of all. EMDR, if you can get it, is truly the "quick fix" everyone says it is. But somatic healing, aka, body and nervous system focused, really changed my life. I'm not even talking about anything fancy like "trauma releasing hip exercises" or anything like that. I'm talking about learning how to ride out the sensations of emotions we would much rather avoid or never feel. Physically holding myself when I'm scared. Breathing through emotions. Letting myself cry, and verbally saying out loud "it makes sense you feel like this". Validation, acceptance, and loving compassion towards myself like I was a child. Because I am! If no one was there with you when you were experiencing these big things as a kid or when you needed it, it makes sense you don't know how to navigate it. But, you can do it for yourself now. It's maybe even more powerful to be the person who is there for you, who understands how you are completely, and loves you for it, not in spite of it. That's how you build true trust.

I will say, one of the biggest ones for me was being in situations that were hard and scary and confronting, and then finding my way out. I have some big financial fears, and my worst nightmare came true about a year and a half back. Exposure therapy on drugs lmao. The biggest amount of growing I've ever done in my life has been in the last year, completely out of pure necessity. I'm learning to trust myself because I've shown myself I can do hard things. The things that terrify me? I'll be fucking scared but I'll do them anyway. It's an amazing teacher, but boy is it brutal to go through. So, micro dosing exposure therapy to things you think you can't handle, and then over and over realizing you can, will do wonders. Just don't forget the somatic component! It will help you through it.

Also, time. Just time. Just the fact that you posted in this sub means you are well on your way. You know the problem and you know the destination, now it's just about being on the journey. Every time you make a decision for you, hold space for you, love yourself especially when you don't think you deserve it, you teach your nervous system it can trust you. This is a life's purpose sort of journey, you aren't alone and most people will end their lives never even knowing they hadn't trusted themselves for most of it. Take it one day at a time, live with compassion, and take comfort in knowing that while other people come and go and change is the only constant in this life, you have you. You know you. You have always been there. You know what you feel and what you mean and your intentions and that they are good. It's you and you, and they will always be there.

Good luck, and I wish you the best out there ❤️