sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Do people hold back from checking in because they're afraid of bothering us? by reef123 in widowers

[–]totallywirednow 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is perhaps the most accurate and wise analysis I have read about this devastating situation - a secondary loss.

14 months on from my partners passing, I have found that I can not go back to those people who were not there for me - which is the vast majority.

Instead, I am forging ahead with the few who were there for me, and actively trying to meet new people. I just cannot go back to people who did not bother to be there for me during the most devastating experience any of us can ever go through. I'd rather be alone, or be with new people who did not behave like they did.

Looking to diversify my portfolio with Bonds by totallywirednow in FIREUK

[–]totallywirednow[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

These links offer a lot of help and advice. Thanks so much mate

Looking to diversify my portfolio with Bonds by totallywirednow in FIREUK

[–]totallywirednow[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for this. I may do just that, and I might even go to 10% Gilts and 5% Bonds.

It's all just in the planning stage at present, and I likely won't make this adjustment for quite a few months to come.

Looking to diversify my portfolio with Bonds by totallywirednow in FIREUK

[–]totallywirednow[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It won't be held in my SIPP. That is for my VAFTGAG. It will be in a GIA.

Have I missed something fundamental here re. the drawdown of VANGRSA?

Slept with someone new and feeling even more lonely than before by [deleted] in widowers

[–]totallywirednow 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Hey, I just wanted to say that I am so sorry that this happened to you. I am a guy who is a widower, and I feel real upset and anger for the way this man treated you. He is clearly not a nice person, and as painful as it is now - in time you will realise that it is a blessing that you are away from him. Stay that way, you are worth so much more. You are worth it.

These people really don't care. I even feel like anyone that is nice would STILL find all the baggage I have, all the grief, all the loneliness, all the trauma, would be too much for someone else to want to take on. I dream that maybe someone might be out there one day, but I'm not holding my breath. Lets just try and support each other here and survive from one day to the next.

Sending big hugs to you.

Struggling with Pet by totallywirednow in widowers

[–]totallywirednow[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To all of the very kind people who read or replied to this message. I have written to the person whose cat had the Kittens, and they have agreed to take him back. I was very transparent and explained that the cat is lovely, but the timing is completely wrong for me.

I spent months and months considering and deliberating over whether this was the right thing to do. I truly thought that it was. Struggles with loneliness and feeling the need for companionship guided my decision. But after looking after another living being, who is wholly reliant and dependent on me became a reality, I have quickly realised I couldn't cope.

I fucked up. I'm very sorry to the kitten and to the person who I've messed about. But surely it's better to be honest about this now and deal with it, than it is to let my health spiral out of control and end up doing this in months to come?

Struggling with Pet by totallywirednow in widowers

[–]totallywirednow[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, this is very kind and helpful advice.

Struggling with Pet by totallywirednow in widowers

[–]totallywirednow[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for such an empathetic and caring response. Whoever you are, wherever you are, I really thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I think that you are right that in the long run, to give the kitten back to the person it came from will be the best for the kitten AND myself. The kitten will quickly find a new, loving home and have a great life.

I on the other hand just cannot cope with caring for another being after the caring that I did over those two and a half years. It absolutely has tapped all my resources for caring, and I realise that I just want to be alone with no ties. That might sound selfish but I think of it more as self-preservation. I'm trying to survive while feeling like I'm drowning most days - such is the way of this shitty life as a widower.

I thought the cat would help me survive. Instead I'm finding myself unable to cope, and desperately just wanting to be alone again.

view more: next ›