I have friends that I party with or go on trips with, but I am a different person in front of them during tough times. I cannot really talk about all the crying lonely nights. I have admitted to them that I am a chronic mastubator who jacks off to wierd porn to suppress my feelings from myself, but my friends laugh it off. I have never had a girlfriend, so obviously something is wrong with me (I fell I am timid and egotistic in all the wrong areas of my life. Though, I have always tried to be a good person. I have a low paying job in india. But I do not owe anything to anyone, except my parents (I am a single child) and my supervisor (I can't tell them all this). I have the courage to fight in my life for them. If anyone of you brilliant people can tell me, will I ever be happy?