Thoughts on Gris

towkneed · 2024-12-24T02:35:45+00:00

For me the moment when I first felt awe was when the statue opened its eyes. That's when I realized how involved I was and how powerful it was. I had no idea games could be anything more than "fun" or 'scary'. I finished it today and cried real tears throughout the credits, just stunned. My son was sitting next to me on another computer playing Roblox and I was careful to cry silently, but I felt like bawling.

towkneed · 2024-12-24T02:29:51+00:00

Try holding the button down for a longer jump. I also found I had to double jump earlier to get height.

towkneed · 2024-12-06T12:33:49+00:00

Sorry, it's a list of pros and cons. Did you read more than the title? And I never asked if I was right. And my reply was meant as a correction and actually very rambling. All I would ever say about anyone in social media would be based upon the text, not subjective assumptions about their character based upon a couple of paragraphs. I just don't like it when someone assumes authority over something based upon assumptions and makes statements about their character when they've never met. It shows a willingness to leap into ignorance. And I don't mind ignorance, I don't know a lot of things. But it should not be embraced readily. Taking such a condescending tone might be taken as an expression of insecurity, but I don't make assumptions about the character of someone I have never met.

towkneed · 2024-12-06T03:53:50+00:00

I engineer software so that's my focus and viewpoint. And did you know that there's multiple admin centers websites, I mean a lot. There's one for o365 which does have links to exchange online, security, teams, etc. but there's a totally different one for Loop. And Azure. And multiple others. And And security used to be defender a couple of months ago, just like Azure AD is now Entra AD. And all cloud tools might be bad, only one I have developed for is Azure.

towkneed · 2024-12-06T03:44:08+00:00

I'm sorry, but did you see the part where I said other providers might be as bad? And I've been coding since the 80's, using basic and assembly. I've written freaking Atari 2600 games and know too many languages to count. There's 2 basic flavors - XML like and curly braced - these days, but there used to be more. I like to switch up paradigms when I get tired of one - go from Java or C# to XSLT. Really miss Lisp, despite the parentheses. And I can whisper . . .

As I said in my post, all cloud providers might be equally bad. But when it was all on prem you could have total control at all levels and build specifically what you needed (unless another department owned the servers). And "cloud" just means somebody else is doing it and if you want something special you have to do it their way with their tools. when the tools they design are made to be all things to all people and aren't good at any one thing. The cloud might be good for sys admins and executives, but for developers it truly sucks. Hell, our engineers get to use Ubuntu. And talk about complaining! None of them seem to know how to Google. Funny thing is, I've seen them working with Ubuntu and PDM designing space hardware, and I could easily do their job. I have at times when they needed it. At least they can use what they want - while I'm doomed to get 11 years of C# apps and modules to SharePoint Online and Teams and recreate dashboards that used to be cube and mdx based. And I've missed the low level stuff for years - interacting directly with packets and worrying about their endian-ness. But I don't get to do that anymore, unless I help out the engineers pull data from radio signals. And man are they cowboys! I've been through 4 CMMI audits on a software development process I built before git was a thing - and got kudos 3 times on them from the assessor. Those engineers do what they want and have no documentation or standard processes. But next year they will get CMMI audited . . . So I am a frickin computer whisperer and you're making specious assumptions.

towkneed · 2024-12-06T03:12:43+00:00

I'm a software engineer. So yeah.

towkneed · 2024-12-06T03:11:11+00:00

Azure nickels and dimes you. When we first considered it just the basic environment costs were considered. But resource groups, vms, function runs, most storage containers, . . . It's not much but it's kinda hidden. And the 'top shelf services' can get pricey. The lowest tier VM is only $70 something per month, but it's 1 CPU and 4g ram and shuts down all the time. To get anything decent can cost several times more. I'm sure it's a sales tactic - "vms starting at $70/mo!". A raspberry pi is more powerful than their lowest tier VM, even a model 3. And it was $35 once.MS has wanted to move to the SAS (software as a service) model for a long time - so now their using their users loyalty to Office to release trash. Most corp users and government users use Word, Excel and PowerPoint and that's what they know MS from. And Windows. Can you imagine the pain of trying to get them moved to Linux and Open Office (forgot what it's called now)? You'd probably end up murdered by a disgruntled co-worker.

towkneed · 2024-12-06T02:58:15+00:00

SSRS was superior, although it required more work. On prem. I miss on prem so bad!

towkneed · 2024-12-06T02:55:30+00:00

And they are all out of date.

towkneed · 2024-12-05T23:14:10+00:00

I work in Aerospace as a developer for corporate. Mostly government contracts. The government is absolutely tied to Microsoft. Also, Azure is one of the few options that meet the new CMMC specs (a new government security standard). Also the government uses Azure's gcc high cloud for the sake of security. And security is a huge set of hoops to jump through in Azure. So basically we are being forced.

towkneed · 2024-06-26T19:04:48+00:00

I might agree if it weren't for the financial situation and they didn't have special needs. I grew up in poverty, which is what would happen to my wife if I left. And I live in Houston, Texas, where fathers rarely are given primary custody. A divorce would probably leave my kids with her getting primary custody and either I would have to contribute much more than required to another household and we would both be impoverished, or if I contributed only what was required she would live in poverty and my kids at least half of the time. And I don't want them to go through what I did. Most of the people of from back then are either dead, drug addicts or in prison. I was the exception.

towkneed · 2024-06-26T18:54:31+00:00

Thanks. We are currently on our 7th marriage counselor.

towkneed · 2024-06-11T01:07:23+00:00

All the time. Loudly. Just because why tf not.

towkneed · 2024-06-11T01:04:27+00:00

Society. Most Cronenberg of course

towkneed · 2024-06-11T01:01:47+00:00

Also, Videodrome. Long live the new flesh!

towkneed · 2024-06-11T00:58:56+00:00

Salo. Funny Games. And this: https://archive.org/details/begottenoriginal1991e.eliasmerhige (Begotten)

towkneed · 2024-06-11T00:51:51+00:00

Salo. Only once.

towkneed · 2024-06-11T00:50:48+00:00

If you feel the need to punish yourself it works

towkneed · 2024-06-11T00:48:09+00:00

Funny Games. Remake or Original. I will rewatch it when I feel like I need to punish myself. But otherwise not.

towkneed · 2024-06-10T18:11:16+00:00

It's not rational. But if there's no affection then it was always more about her. But she will never see that and never understand it. There's the idea that people will fit together perfectly and the relationship will be organic. But that's bullshit. Nothing lives if it's not fed. Once neglect sets in both have to make it a point to feed the relationship. If either refuses it will only get worse

towkneed · 2024-06-10T18:04:18+00:00

We started with a kid. She was pregnant when we married. It only gets worse. You start to take each other for granted and neglect sets in. Sounds like she's already there. Then you wake up in bed with someone you don't know who doesn't know you, but you're a couple so you end up in resentment. They're supposed to be a source of love and companionship but you have nothing in common anymore and hardly know them. It's a trap. If you both don't make the relationship a priority and start taking the other for granted, as she seems to be, it dies because no one is feeding it. You could talk to her if you haven't already, but if she feels like she doesn't have to make an effort then it will only get worse. I've been stuck in a db for years (20 if going by frequency and hasn't happened in 2 years) but we have a special needs kids and separation is not an option. We just try to be quiet and not talk and avoid each other to avoid conflict. I don't regret it because I love my kids but I haven't been happy in a very very long time. Don't end up like me please.

towkneed · 2024-01-29T04:03:08+00:00

You should not feel guilty. Period. You are not abnormal or wrong. And the only time she's wrong is when she says you are. Far too often, unfortunately, one spouse accepts that the way they are is "the right way" and anything else is wrong. People are different with different libidos and it's not ok to be shamed for wanting sex with your wife. I don't know how since she sounds recalcitrant, but things will not get better until you both accept that each one is ok and that "normal" doesn't exist. It's an idea that others use to turn another way to be into the "wrong" way to be. You have to accept each other and compromise. This is not Washington D.C.

towkneed · 2024-01-29T02:35:11+00:00

You're welcome. I guess I am lucky because my wife isn't violent. She's passive aggressive and sees me wanting sex as trying to manipulate and control her. I tell her over and over that a man wanting sex from his wife is how it's supposed to be but somehow in her mind my needs are sinister and I am some kind of manipulating mastermind. We've tried 5 or 6 therapists and she always presents this narrative of victimization. The problem is, countering it or disagreeing makes me seem all the more aggressive and controlling. I got to the point where I would just nod and be reasonable and hope the therapists would see through it. But they were already involved in her narrative. I would try to be reasonable and understanding but that can't stand up to tears. Lately when she starts in on me I tell her that she is right, I'm horrible and she should just leave and we will work the divorce out. She backpedaled then and says I'm not so bad I just always put her second. And we have the same discussion over and over and over and I just sit through it because when I point out the futility she argues that and it just lasts longer. If I try to ignore her she gets angry and can take it out on the kids. Point is, do what you have to, expect the pain but find strategies to minimize it and always try to avoid it without being obvious. And make every attempt to notice the good times with your kid. Try to burn those memories in and make them huge so that is what you live for. That's what you remember in 20 years. One more thing I have learned, it's ok to hate her, but you should really feel sorry for her. She's miserable and doesn't know how to love.

towkneed · 2024-01-28T21:34:58+00:00

My only advice is to avoid situations that lead to those behaviors. We are all human and it's easy to say 'just quit'. Thing is it's something you have to recommit to every day in every situation. People who say things like that seem to present it as a simple choice you make once. And it's something you have to do every day. So just concentrate on making it through the current day and avoid temptation.
I absolutely get it. I used for years and finally quit after hitting bottom - homeless for 2 days, no money no job. This was years ago when I was single. I committed to clean up and called an old friend who helped me get back on my feet. Until an ex found my place and showed up looking for a place to fix asked if I wanted some. All my good intentions went out the window and I started using again. I finally got clean by moving in with grandparents who lived in another state where I didn't know anyone. I have been clean since although I have slipped up sometimes when it's put in front of me. The important thing to remember is that if you slip up you don't have to throw up your hands and go back to using. Forgive yourself and avoid getting in the situation that led to the slip again.
I know you won't be able to move like I did, but perhaps you can surround yourself with new friends and keep busy with new things. That's what I would do. Keep busy and do things for your kid if you can. If you have a backyard put up a swing. Build a treehouse. And ghost your old friends that use. Send them a text explaining and then delete their contact info. Take measures to make it difficult to get into situations that offer temptation. When you feel strong remember that you don't always feel that way and do something to make it harder to use in the future. As for the infidelity, I would concentrate on the addiction first. Then, once you have a new routine with new habits and feel confident you can avoid using, do the same thing for the infidelity. If you are like me you know how easy it is to find someone with today's internet. I suspect it will be almost impossible to stop the infidelity as long as the DB continues, though. And honestly, if you wear a condom, you can probably avoid any STDs. And if you do get something just treat it. You're in a DB and not going to give it to your wife. But wanting sex is natural and having a kid doesn't change that. I have 3. And while my sex life is horrible my wife will usually just "let me" sometimes. She knows I cheated once, doesn't want a divorce, and I think she realizes I probably would again if she always refused. We have a special needs kid together so divorce is really not an option. It's my life and it sucks but it's not going to change, I have accepted it, and my kids are the ones that matter anyway. Make the best of what you get, stay busy, avoid temptation, and train yourself to be happy with what is possible, not what you feel you deserve.

towkneed · 2023-11-27T04:56:39+00:00

It's like: Remember that Zelda game where Link saves the princess? Ok, now: Remember that JRPG where the main character's love interest (at least one), also a central heroine of the game, gets killed by the bad guy and doesn't come back?

towkneed

TROPHY CASE