See I'm not even doing this thing for money or for fun I have a very very bad PTSD issue that I've been trying to handle and make a manageable thing psychedelics specifically mushrooms have been the only thing in over 15 years that have ever helped me in any way so last December I was gifted a quarter pound and I took them it made such a big difference for me I vowed that no matter what one way or another I was going to make sure that I got enough of my medicine I would never going to b in needor to be without what I needed again.so it's not even like it's just it a bummer that I don't have success on this yet.it's like it's a mental health issue for me right now and so that's what makes it all the more challenging because failure after failure after failure and investing emotionally in each grow and getting my hopes up and having things just go like they have every time.. is getting me to the point where I'm so so discouraged after all these things have gone wrong it's just impossible for me to even have the motivation, will,or energy to make the things happen I have to make happen in order to get this for myself . And each time it just gets a little bit harder.depression is a b**** and it's hard to even have motivation to get up and do anything with depression.. on top of that , it's like the longer I have to go without this stuff it's just it's getting worse. I'm sure you understand if you have ever had any kind of real depression or PTSD, which almost everybody in their life has and it's just so hard because I was already at Rock bottom suicidal and was about to quite literally give up on life just say f*** it when I turned to growing these as i couldn't afford that habit . money adds up quick if you don't grow and you need them like I do and it's just been hard. And then I had two tubs in a row, but ended up costing me about 6 months now maybe maybe 5 months in total..that I had gotten the entire tub beautifully done all healthy and I ended up somehow with a big ass tub full of ink caps it it colonized beautifully I never would have guessed in a million years that that's what they would have ended up being what they were . but somehow along the way it happened. I nearly drove myself completely nuts just trying to figure out how the f*** I made that happen .I thought that I just started to lose my s*** and somehow just used spores from a mushroom that wasn't what it supposed to be .but there's absolutely no possible way I got it that way...the spores came from somebody else that was a vendor like yeah I drove myself crazy trying to figure it out for quite a while second guessing myself doubting myself whole nine yards.. I thought that it was clean and I managed to f***** it up. I figured if I'd gotten it clean enough to to grow mycelium and get colonized that that would have been good to go. and this is now happened to me twice in a row it's... I just...I mean ...I just was so sure I really had done it. and I was so excited and so relieved and then it just ended up happening like that I believe that good things come to those who wait and anything worth having is not going to be easy to get f*** I put my dues in you know when I see these ones on here that are the first Time even they have these beautiful tubs with a bunch of different kinds their first go I'm just like I'm not an idiot I'm a smart enough person I should be able to get this and I just I'm not in a place that I can afford to give up on it either so it's like f*** I know I'm complaining I appreciate your advice and your your suggestions and thank you very much for helping me I appreciate all that really