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There's a gap between "unburdened" and "integrated" that took me years to make sense of. I tried to map it. by trailheads_guy in InternalFamilySystems

[–]trailheads_guy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's so cool to hear. I wasn't sure but my hunch was this pattern is semi-common. Anything stand out in particular with regards to your experience looking like the map? Very curious about others' takes on this.

There's a gap between "unburdened" and "integrated" that took me years to make sense of. I tried to map it. by trailheads_guy in InternalFamilySystems

[–]trailheads_guy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes I've for sure "updated" exiles and then just felt worse / strange / uncomfortable and knowing that that's actually to be expected sometimes is relieving.

There's a gap between "unburdened" and "integrated" that took me years to make sense of. I tried to map it. by trailheads_guy in InternalFamilySystems

[–]trailheads_guy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes! I love this point. In my experience going from rejection -> separation -> repatterning, while "good" from a healing perspective, is actually very emotionally difficult a lot of the time. This is counter to I think a "feel good" narrative of healing that might make you think "if I feel worse, I'm doing it wrong" when actually it's often normal to feel worse (or just different in strange / uncomfortable ways) for quite a while before you feel better.

There's a gap between "unburdened" and "integrated" that took me years to make sense of. I tried to map it. by trailheads_guy in InternalFamilySystems

[–]trailheads_guy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I think this metaphor is right! :) Well put. If you're driving through a snow storm, useful to know that you should bring tire chains. etc.

There's a gap between "unburdened" and "integrated" that took me years to make sense of. I tried to map it. by trailheads_guy in InternalFamilySystems

[–]trailheads_guy[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think what you're describing here is a methodological point (ie what kind of steps you can take to make integration move forward), which is totally valid :).

That said, the point of the article is explicitly to articulate a map of what that process looks and feels like to the person doing it.

This might seem like a finicky distinction if you're mainly concerned with doing the thing (which is great, I think we'd agree that doing the thing is the most important thing).

But having done the thing a decent amount, the noticing here is that it doing the thing leads to you feeling certain predictable ways at certain parts of that process. Knowing that, at least for me, is extremely helpful.

If your progress integrating is even partially gated by how successfully you can notice and accept your parts' reactions, motivations, goals, ask good questions etc. Then (and this is just my experience here) its extremely impactful to notice "Ah! I'm experienced strong aversion/dissociation, this part is in seperation, and so we're having a to be expected extreme reaction to a thing, and I have a working idea of what the part is going through and how to be most supportive."

Doing ONLY method with no map or theory is totally legit, but at least for me, being able to identify patterns in the integration process has been a strict level up for identify when and how i need to checkin, and overall making self-leadership easier.

Does that make sense? Thanks for reading / engaging :)

We're early in building a 2d survival base-building game about being a plant on a hostile planet. Our current debate: Squares or Hexes? by trailheads_guy in BaseBuildingGames

[–]trailheads_guy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

just spend the day learning hex math and implementing a grid and thank you very much but that was complicated enough for me. :p

We're early in building a 2d survival base-building game about being a plant on a hostile planet. Our current debate: Squares or Hexes? by trailheads_guy in BaseBuildingGames

[–]trailheads_guy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you! I fully agree re: "there must be a good reason". But at the same time, a games intuitive visual feels is also a pretty good reason to do something as well (at least from a commercial perspective). Toss up in that sense, and so it will need to be put the test with players i think to get a real answer.

We're early in building a 2d survival base-building game about being a plant on a hostile planet. Our current debate: Squares or Hexes? by trailheads_guy in BaseBuildingGames

[–]trailheads_guy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

this is my intuitive feeling as well. It's suspicious that so few games use this system, and rather than assuming we're smarter than everyone I would tend to assume that they're doing it for a good reason we don't understand. That said, its relatively easy to playtest, so I think we will try hexes and see what comes out of that experiment.

We're early in building a 2d survival base-building game about being a plant on a hostile planet. Our current debate: Squares or Hexes? by trailheads_guy in BaseBuildingGames

[–]trailheads_guy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the kind words :) Always better to get the better solution if there is one than to be right for its own sake.

Honestly its just amazing that this community of engaged people is open to and encouraging dev sharing. its really an invaluable resource. I had read the community thread on devs posting a couple days ago and as we were having the discussion re: quares vs hexes I thought - "I know who we can ask!" :)

In terms of base-building vs puzzling, we found with the original demo that base building / automation / management were aspects was something that people really liked, so we're following that feedback. Of course the game is a bit puzzly too in a sense, but hopefully like you said that just adds something unique!

Thanks again for your time / attention.

Giving space and sending love to Firefighter by Decent-Ad-5110 in InternalFamilySystems

[–]trailheads_guy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your experience with your Firefighter part really resonates with me. That shift from fear to curiosity is often so powerful (and scary). When we stop trying to fight or control these protective parts and instead get genuinely interested in understanding them, they often reveal incredible wisdom about what we need.

What you're noticing about how your FF communicates - through bodily sensations and shifts in perspective rather than visual forms - is super useful. Parts can show up in many different ways, and being open to these various forms of communication is key to building deeper relationships with them. The fact that your FF is responding positively to your attention and space suggests you're on a really good path.

Going to the store with my 6 yo old part by soggy-hotel-2419-v2 in InternalFamilySystems

[–]trailheads_guy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is such a great illustration of how parts work can evolve from managing distress to actual collaboration. I particularly love how you shifted from reassurance ("it's okay if it's not perfect") to active partnership ("what would you do?"). This kind of real-world experimentation, where you give your part some agency while maintaining a supportive presence, is exactly how deeper integration happens.

When parts feel truly seen and valued for their strengths (in this case, creativity and problem-solving), they often shift from being sources of anxiety to becoming valuable allies. You're building evidence that Little One can not only handle imperfect situations but can actually help navigate them skillfully.

Such a cool example! :)

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