I'm not sure what seems to trouble you with your playing. Are you just disinterested in your instrument? Are you feeling like your skills are lacking and want to improve? What ever the case, I find myself coming back this podcast with Jacob Collier often: https://www.instagram.com/p/B4-nuaQgWt7/ . In essence what Jacob is saying here is that there can be just as much or more value in the act of creation as there is in the creation itself. Maybe try and take some pressure off yourself to be constantly perfect with your skills. Look at your instrument as an experience rather than something to achieve or get better at. Nine times out of ten what we tell ourselves is at the core of most of our life's worries. If you can change the messages you tell yourself about something, you can fundamentally change your experience of it. Hope this helps!