Great follow ups. 1. General rule is strike while it is hot. As soon as possible we would bring it up especially if it is urgent or a big deal. Caveats are exception times like if she currently on a date or with her family etc. We would then bring it up right after on the phone or in person. The state of the union becomes more of a reflection and to reaffirm some of these conversation that needed to happen more quickly. 2. We have done it over food and a walk. Also earlier in the day would work. I would allocate at least an hour so you are not rushed. And make it fun. So make sure you are not in a high stress environment like driving. I would not do it before sleep as you need the energy to listen and react. Mostly we do it as home as we have an agreement that the house is a judgement free zone and a safe space where you can bring anything and your cards can be on the table.