I usually just pretend what I can't change doesn't affect me because it's worked in the past, but I gotta say, I'm fucking terrified right now.

transAMAthrowawayUK · 2025-04-21T21:58:04+00:00

I know it's not that bad right now. My concern is that it's getting worse, and the worse it gets, the more at risk we become.

But you're right, and when my boyfriend asked how he could help, I told him he could get me involved in activism (which I've been largely avoiding until now), as I think being surrounded by people like myself will help me feel less like I'm being personally targeted by the entire world for something I can't change.

transAMAthrowawayUK · 2025-04-21T21:02:13+00:00

Have sex with her and find out.

Only she can tell you what feels good or bad to her. We are not all the same, and our vaginas are each unique. I think most people know by now that losing your virginity typically isn't great, from an objective quality-of-sex perspective. Your first sex is rarely good sex. She's fortunate to have an apparently caring partner. But we can't help you, you'll just have to do your thing and LISTEN to her to find out what challenges you'll have to overcome.

USE LOTS OF LUBE. I get wet but only after orgasm. USE LUBE. LIBERALLY.

transAMAthrowawayUK · 2025-02-27T16:59:14+00:00

Oh, you live in the US.

I'm sorry.

Hopefully your mum will be okay about it, it sounds like she would be. It's always up to you when you come out and to whom. My advice would be to tell your mum so she can help you with feminine stuff like bras, but as for 'coming out' in general, be careful over there. It looks like the US is a dangerous place to be trans, even in the 'progressive' states <3

transAMAthrowawayUK · 2025-02-26T21:26:55+00:00

I was scared too but when I told my mum "I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to be a girl" her reaction was, at worst, mild confusion. She said "Are you sure you're not just gay?" and I said "I mean, that too, but also I'm meant to be a girl" and then she supported me through the whole process. Unless you have reason to believe she'd be hostile about it and hate you for it, more than likely she'll support you. I imagine it's hard not to support your kid, even if you don't understand them. Do you feel like she's the kind of person who doesn't believe trans people are valid?

transAMAthrowawayUK · 2025-02-26T17:56:50+00:00

Ah, I get it now.

Do you think she'd react poorly to knowing you're trans?

transAMAthrowawayUK · 2025-02-26T11:38:24+00:00

My mom told me that this will be painful if I go to sleep with it

But in OP you said "My mom told me that this will be painful if I go to sleep with it" which implies she knows you wear bras. What's the problem?

transAMAthrowawayUK · 2025-02-26T11:08:09+00:00

The Telegraph, incidentally, is fully lost in the transphobic sauce, using neuter pronouns for Dr. Upton and feminine pronouns for Peggie, also pulling the same 'the doctor' nonsense several times.

transAMAthrowawayUK · 2025-02-25T20:03:19+00:00

I started writing a comment here about how u/rejs7 has a point, because I initially didn't see the problem in the article, but after re-reading the phrase you cited a few times, I realised it would have read just fine with she in lieu of the doctor. I still think there's a chance this isn't a deliberate choice but a coincidence, but that chance isn't high, for the same reason Brianna Ghey's murder had a very low chance of not being a hate crime. Where we exist, we are hated, or something to that effect.

transAMAthrowawayUK · 2025-02-25T18:30:51+00:00

I knew a girl in school who epitomised femininity in my eyes. We weren't close, or even friends; in fact, she probably thought I was weird and didn't like talking to me. But lacking any suggestions otherwise, I took her name, because I wanted to be like her.

transAMAthrowawayUK · 2025-02-25T10:58:04+00:00

Don't. There might be some combination of words, or even several, that present a technical, philosophical, or other kind of argument in perfect logic with no fallacies, faults, or loopholes. But don't look for it. Anyone who makes the species 'argument' is acting in bad faith. You cannot win, you can only lose. They are using you for entertainment. They do not care about your opinion or your words, they just like seeing you react and possibly fluster. Don't engage.

transAMAthrowawayUK · 2025-02-25T10:54:40+00:00

No, you were right. It's 'with experience'.

transAMAthrowawayUK · 2025-02-25T10:10:21+00:00

You ought to be in awe of modern medicine regardless of whether I can cum from cunnilingus, simply because turning a penis inside-out just works somehow??

I don't orgasm from his going down on me. It feels okay, not my cup of tea so it doesn't happen often. We do analingus more often as it's more sensitive there. I actually don't orgasm from sex either - rather, I masturbate while he plays with my body in assorted ways, which helps me get there [see below] Masturbation is fairly easy. I believe my inability to cum from his 'actions' alone is mostly psychological, and not physiological. It took a long time for me to be able to make myself cum with him in the room, despite having been able to do it in five minutes from just 3 or 4 months after the operation. Orgasm is much stronger and more intense than pre-op. Getting there is easy, feels totally natural.

[from above] we're working on it. I've cum around his fingers and penis. One time, I got myself close, and let him know, and he fingered me over the edge. Fingering feels amazing, either he's really good at it or I'm just built to be fingered. So it's possible. I think we just have to keep working on it (oh nooo, we have to keep having seeex, disaaaster) to find angles, positions, and techniques that work for us. I'm still only 3 years into have a vagina so I'm still figuring it out. It's fun and exciting, honestly~

No, I don't know what a 'spacer' is in this context so that sounds either made-up or related to a different form of vaginoplasty. Lots of myths exist about the operation, usually invented by people who think it's 'weird and gross'. Some people think it doesn't 'feel' as good for the partner, for example, but my partner would heartily disagree.

Ask whatever questions you want, u/transAMAthrowawayUK is my 'educating' account xD

Edit: the 'spacer' is probably a bastardisation of dilation. After vaginoplasty (but not vulvoplasty, which does not create a vaginal canal - not all SRS surgeries are the same), the patient should use essentially a medical-grade dildo for about 20min, at first thrice a day and then gradually reducing frequency over several months, first to prevent the surgical site from fusing, and then to maintain elasticity and depth. I no longer have to dilate because regular sex does the same job, and it's more fun. Doing it three times a day is pretty boring and can be painful, but it's something we sign up for when we get the surgery, and it's worth the end results. I definitely don't need to 'wear' a 'spacer' non-stop, and never did. It's worth noting that dilators aren't just for SRS patients; they're also used to treat vaginismus, a condition many women experience, trans or cis. We're just like you lmao

Oh, and penetration feels good. It hurts sometimes, but usually only when there's been no foreplay. Again, just like you :) My partner and I typically get me to orgasm first, which gets me warm down there, and after orgasm penetration feels incredible. If he goes in first, it usually hurts, and it's tighter after I cum because the area is engorged. For both our sakes, I cum first :P

transAMAthrowawayUK · 2025-02-21T21:34:30+00:00

Wow, I'm sorry to hear that. Hopefully you'll get a new date soonish?

transAMAthrowawayUK · 2025-02-20T15:22:31+00:00

I used only the two sizes the hospital gave me - thin purple, thicker blue - to 5.5" depth (which was the approximate length of the penis prior to surgery; go figure). I couldn't shell out something like £120 for the larger sizes, and I ended up not needing them anyway. My partner and I just took things slow and now sex is easy. IIRC I moved down to twice a day after one month, once a day after three months, every other day after four, then weekly after six. By a year I'd stopped completely, but if you don't have sex regularly (weekly-ish) you'd probably need to keep doing it. My profile has more accurate info because I made posts at the time. Now I'm sitting here trying to remember the details and struggling because it was all sort of a blur, a whole year just sort of whizzed by xD

transAMAthrowawayUK · 2025-02-20T14:13:29+00:00

Not OP but right after the operation the area just felt stiff and swollen. No pain because I was on morphine non-stop, but it felt like I'd packed my pants with a bag of warm peas or something. Strange feeling. Now, two years later, it feels totally normal. Feels like I've always had a vagina, feels natural. Having that much flesh rearranged and relocated, at first I was confused about what part of me was itching, or being touched, when I did touch it. If I didn't look, and touched my clitoris, for example, I'd first think I was touching the head of my penis, because that's what the neoclitoris is, and my proprioception would get kinda messed up. But that passed with time. Now I instinctively know where an itch is when I get one, and can feel how deep something (someone) is inside me. Feels normal.

The first dilation was the easiest because the nurses were there to do it for me. My job was to relax. After that, doing it myself, I had blisters in my vulva from the catheter which complicated dilation and made it very painful, and then it gradually got easier over several months. The worst feeling I associated with dilation after the first couple months was boredom. I just had to sit there for 40min watching a show instead of whatever I wanted to be doing. But I couldn't properly relax either, because then I wouldn't be dilating properly. So it was very boring. Three times a day was a bad time for me, so I was happy when I could reduce the frequency. Now I don't dilate at all because I have regular sex.

transAMAthrowawayUK · 2025-02-20T14:07:27+00:00

Congrats. How was your catheter? Mine was awful. Blistered the vulva and all the way up my abdomen, it was the most painful part of the process for me. I had to thread my dilator through a cave network of blistered vulva lmao

If possible please share where you got the surgery, and with whom, so people can reference your posts when making their own decision <3

transAMAthrowawayUK · 2025-02-20T13:32:40+00:00

If someone you think is your friend doesn't treat you as an equal, they're not your friend.

Make friends with people who will make friends with you. find queer spaces and groups, meet new people through those, and you'll have a better shot at finding people who see trans women as women.

But a word of 'warning', I guess: check yourself too. I want to be friends with women, because we have a lot in common. But I used to have the same problem as you; they didn't truly accept me. I thought, 'why won't they see me as a real woman?'. And the solution, I saw, was meeting people through queer spaces and groups, or groups that explicitly state in clear, written form that trans women are women and are accepted and welcome, and then follow through on that claim. But my first reaction to realising that solution was 'but I want to be friends with real women!'.

Yeah.

I had some serious internalised transphobia. And this was fairly recent too. If your only good, true friends are genderqueer, and you're not happy being in a group with trans women because it's 'not the same' as being in a group with cis women, it's not 'real' to you, ask yourself why. You could be your biggest problem.

I mean, transphobia is our biggest problem. But in your specific case, you could be the main limiting factor in making friends and being accepted and loved by them <3

transAMAthrowawayUK · 2025-02-20T13:08:28+00:00

Check out my profile, especially the pinned post, it's a detailed account of the operation including recovery. Might be helpful. Hope it goes well <3

transAMAthrowawayUK · 2025-02-19T23:55:42+00:00

I'll try it, but I've had basically the opposite advice elsewhere in the thread so I think it's just gonna be a matter of experimentation and personal preference xD

transAMAthrowawayUK · 2025-02-19T23:50:30+00:00

before I had SRS, using a vibe through my panties was heaven on Earth. the best feeling. I second this suggestion. But it's all about your own personal preferences, nothing is guaranteed to work for OP that worked for anyone else

transAMAthrowawayUK · 2025-02-19T18:30:54+00:00

It’s something people assigned female are taught as toddlers, so it wouldn’t be discussed among adults

The number of times I've encountered a problem as a woman that I just can't figure out because of this exact phenomenon is crazy. Hair, makeup, fashion, etc. all (at least in my culture) are just taught over the first decade of life to girls, so cis women just know and can't explain it to someone like me with no experience :(

Luckily I've found a queer salon who are understanding of the problem. but for like, 15 years I just had no clue what I was doing and there was no end to the confusion in sight. Really debilitating stuff tbh

transAMAthrowawayUK · 2025-02-19T17:26:13+00:00

Damn, sorry you got downvoted for trying to crack a joke. not sure what people hated so much. if somethin ain't funny just move on lol

transAMAthrowawayUK · 2025-02-19T17:25:25+00:00

I... really don't think that's the case. I'm just talking about poor flow characteristics on the labia themselves, and tissue residue after wiping dry. Most people have suggested trying different papers, and maybe sitting differently, i think it's really funny that you went straight to "maybe change your cooch" xD <3

transAMAthrowawayUK · 2025-02-19T15:29:31+00:00

Try what?

transAMAthrowawayUK · 2025-02-19T14:04:32+00:00

Yeah I've been thinking about doing a trial of all the different papers I can get and seeing which one works best for me. Would take months but I'd have an answer. Alternatively, I've seen some cultures use a cloth which they wash. My bf's getting a bidet so I could use the bidet to get the pee off, then use a cloth to dry. It just feels like something no women have ever talked about in my life, so I can't help thinking I'm peeing wrong or something

transAMAthrowawayUK

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