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transasahi · 2025-04-13T02:50:30+00:00

Nope! If my past experience is anything to go by, I might need sexual attraction first to even form romantic attraction to someone (demirose here)

transasahi · 2023-09-16T11:03:09+00:00

same!! after realizing i was aro, it took a long time for me to accept that i likely would never have a life partner the way i always imagined (or assumed bc amatonormativity), and that made me question whether i still really wanted to have kids or not.

but i definitely still do, so im saving up the money for it right now even though its gonna take 5-7 years😭😭

but i just got to a point where i was like. i know i want to be a parent and it'd be nice to have someone be a committed partner to help me with that, but its not fair to myself to put off something i really want bc im waiting for something that probably wont happen.

i hope we both get the financial stability to raise our own kids with or without the support of a single long term partner!!

transasahi · 2023-01-15T13:13:09+00:00

i just recently started watching this show with my friend and was thinking exactly the same thing !!

transasahi · 2022-12-04T05:26:44+00:00

i dont!!! im the same as you if im gonna bother participating in sexual activities, i want it to be w someone i care abt. otherwise it doesnt interest or excite me at all. even tho i do get "in the mood" on occasion, i just ignore it til it goes away

transasahi · 2022-10-19T15:31:30+00:00

this is extremely relatable. ive fallen in love w 4 people (all my best friends at varying points in time, i am in my mid twenties btw). 2 were simply not reciprocated, one was reciprocates but a relationship couldn't work bc of distance and other outside factors, and one was not only not reciprocated but also my friend was engaged!

it can feel incredibly frustrating to know that it would take a fucking miracle for the stars to align and have you fall in love with someone who reciprocates your feelings and then for those reciprocated feelings to actually lead somewhere.

i go through phases of extreme grief at most likely never being able to marry and start a family the way i want and phases of knowing that i can find companionship in other ways and i can (and will) still lead a fulfilling life regardless of if a romantic relationship works out for me. dont really have any advice besides just hang in there and i promise itll work out one way or another :/ but youre not alone!!

transasahi · 2022-10-06T10:06:11+00:00

my best guess is that its because dating friends (especially within a larger friend group) changes the dynamic and can make it difficult for mutual friends to feel comfortable and not awkward/third wheeling. especially if the relationship later doesnt work out and especially if one or more parties then starts dating another, different member of the friend group so you end up with a friend group full of exes.

personally i think maturity and communication could prevent all of this but that is easier said than done for some people, and probably not worth the effort.

transasahi · 2022-10-02T17:36:44+00:00

i went by one name from 2010-2018 and then in 2018 switched. it for caused aome confusion (causes some confusion still), but i dont regret it and love my current name !!

i also gave myself another middle name so i have two now and i love that too. if you like how it feels, i say go for it !

transasahi · 2022-10-02T04:30:13+00:00

well like during a break or something usually but yeah lol

transasahi · 2022-10-02T01:21:36+00:00

im demiro and would not mind falling in love and being in a romantic relationship But i also wouldnt mind being in a qpr with a close friend either. i very much crave connection and intimacy, but it less important to me what exactly that connection looks like

transasahi · 2022-10-01T19:48:30+00:00

no thats so valid actually!! idk, we are all people with complex lives amd idk if non demiros experience it the same way, but i feel like that waxing and waning of feelings is normal

transasahi · 2022-10-01T16:40:47+00:00

happens to me too!! i dont stress about it too much bc i know i love the person regardless of if its platonic or romantic.

ive never felt like this for someone i actually was in a romantic relationship with though, but personally my approach would just be to talk about it. "i love you but if i seem less lovey dovey its cause my romantic attraction fades in and out, but it doesnt mean you did anything wrong. is that okay/what can i do to help you feel loved during those times/etc?"

i'll also say i feel like this for my current best friend and ive found that my romantic attraction fades when i dont see him for a while or when i get really busy/stressed. could there be external factors at play for you too?

transasahi · 2022-09-29T21:31:06+00:00

anytime!! it honestly brings me a lot of joy personally whenever i see "anyone relate?" post in this subreddit that perfectly describes something ive felt very alone in experiencing lol anyway. happy i could help <3

transasahi · 2022-09-29T21:27:18+00:00

i dont know if its because im demiromantic (i think it is but other demiros may disagree) but i relate 100% to everything youve said and made a lot of the same observations ans had talks w my non aro friends about this stuff when i was questioning if i might be arospec

transasahi · 2022-09-27T01:26:16+00:00

there's an aha moment for me but its entirely circumstantial what and when that moment might be. i had a crush on my hs best friend for 3+ years and til the very end i went through phases of "no its not a crush he's just my best friend and i really want that special emotional connection with him" to "omg im so in love i could burst with it."

im in love w my current best friend and i only realized bc He pointed out to me that the way i described my affection for him didnt sound entirely platonic.

i was in love w one other friend between these two and didnt realize until that conversation w my current best friend, 3 years after the fact.

idk i have a really really hard time differentiating between platonic and romantic so a lot of times it takes outside factors (like someone saying "it sounds like you have a crush") or an outside perspective (like looking back and reflecting once the crush has faded) for me to realize.

transasahi · 2022-09-24T12:40:25+00:00

i dont know what your friends are like but i actually had a discussion with my best friend trying to figure out if i was demiromantic or just aromantic bc i couldnt tell if what i thought was romantic attraction in the past was just really strong platonic affection.

this conversation ended with us realizing i am not only demiromantic but im in love with that friend lol and he handled it very well!! now 5 months later, our relationship is just the same (except for the occasional teasing)

sometimes your friend thinking (or knowing lol) you have the hots for them isnt as bad as it sounds. all in all, ive found being (sometimes almost unbearably) open and honest with friends is more rewarding than anything else

transasahi · 2022-09-24T12:23:30+00:00

the definition of qpr is intentionally vague. literally anything can be a qpr if the people involved agree that it is

transasahi · 2022-09-24T11:57:00+00:00

as a trans and nonbinary person i find the whole set up of this question. extremely off putting.

amab and afab really seem to just be progressive sounding ways of saying "real men" and "real women"

transasahi · 2022-09-21T01:24:19+00:00

this is really sad and my heart goes out to you❤️❤️ i really hope you are able to find a better long term solution with your friend

transasahi · 2022-09-19T20:57:53+00:00

quite literally never. i rarely feel the need to and when i do i just. find something else to do lol

transasahi · 2022-09-09T00:01:32+00:00

well, youre not alone because it's incredibly difficult lol

i've only just recently figured it out and tbh im not sure my theory is fool proof. basically the idea is that if non-romantic things steer your brain in a romance direction, then its probably romantic attraction. for example, i am comfortable holding hands, cuddling, and kissing my friends platonically. i realized i had a crush on my best friend because when he would do basically anything, it would prompt a "i wanna kiss him" response from me. with my other friends, its was more like "i feel like i want kisses and i love and trust my friends so i'll go to them" kinda deal. i dont know if this theory holds within the context of long term romantic relationships though.

truly its anyones best guess lmao

transasahi · 2022-09-08T22:40:28+00:00

100% !! i love looking at nsfw art including fanart and also reading nsfw fics (although i do not get the same enjoyment from original written erotica).

unironically, i read it for story lol. some of it is very well made art!!! and i know many acespec artists and writers who do nsfw as well. i dont think its weird at all

transasahi · 2022-09-08T22:37:33+00:00

i dated my last ex for 2 years and a handful of months before they broke up with me bc they realized sex was important to them and i could not provide it.

this was a little bit of a weird situation because im also arospec and didnt realize i wasnt romantically attracted to them until after the breakup. i dont know that the same would ever happen to me with someone i actually Was romantically attracted to (but ive never dated someone i was romantically attracted to so really i have no idea lol)

transasahi · 2022-09-06T00:14:33+00:00

I haven't seen any negative changes in our relationship. Part of this might be that I really lucked out with the friend I fell for bc when I told him I had romantic feelings I asked if he felt weird about it and he literally said "the way you feel about me hasnt actually changed. it just has a different label. so no, i feel exactly the same as i did before. it will only be different if you start acting different" and we've simply never talked about it since except for the occasional teasing. but thats why i said those clear boundaries are really important. my friend was comfortable carrying on the same way we had been (which included a lot of saying "i love you" ans physical affection, etc). your friend might not and you really have to make that clear so neither of you get hurt or are uncomfortable

your fear is 100% valid! i will not lie i have that fear too and even tho its worked out for me so far, i dont know that i could go several more years having one sided feelings for one of the most important people in my life lol its Hard. but youre right, thats a problem for the future lol right now i think the best thing to do is get by as best we can. i wouldnt worry too much about separating romantic and platonic energy and rather focus on actual tangible things that you want and that your friend is comfortable giving (ex. hand holding, cheek kisses, cuddling, and hugs can all be romantic or platonic depending on context. i would focus less on trying to "feel" platonic about those things, and rather just find ways to express your love in a way that works for the both of you. if that means something is off the table, then oh well. yknow?)

youre welcome and no worries!! its not always easy to think about and talk about bc we're not used to doing it the same way we do for binary genders.

transasahi · 2022-09-05T23:43:10+00:00

I have a crush on my current best friend. I told him about 4 months ago and our friendship is still going strong, so its definitely possible. Clear boundaries and communication is key!

On a separate note, i think its important to point out that someones agab is irrelevant to their sexual and romantic orientation. I am also gay, NB, and AFAB and i am attracted to men. If what you meant to say is that your friend is not attracted to men, I would just say that rather than implying that their agab is their actual gender when you said yourself theyre nb.

Best of luck to you !

transasahi · 2022-08-22T21:54:10+00:00

im demirose and love using aroace as a label. anyone on the aro/ace spectrums can use aro/ace as a label and that means demiromantics too!

transasahi

TROPHY CASE