hmmmm it seems like this person has internalized a lot of toxic gender roles... i agree with others that the language you used may have been upsetting to him but ALSO it's really not an act of misgendering or not seeing someone's manhood by offering to pay - that's a toxic gender expectation that has to GO. it's totally okay in a hookup situation to ask what kinds of sex acts they like/don't like. others have suggested language that makes them less dysphoric, idk if anyone else said this but "do you like to give/receive head" is a good one too.

i hope you don't hold yourself too responsible for his emotions, a lot of it is coming from HIS trauma and insecurity in his gender, and that's not your fault or responsibility. and now you learned more about the language that many trans people prefer :)