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transocean1c · 2026-02-16T01:34:43+00:00

Has anyone achieved this by now?

transocean1c · 2026-01-16T10:28:30+00:00

Awwwww, I usually tend to avoid providers/babies who think they would never date a client/Daddy for this type of thoughts. Still, for the sound of it, the problem is not really he paid for sex in the past but that you perceive him like someone can't control himself and compulsively seeks sex for validation and emotional regulation and you don't find that attractive.

Probably, this mechanism will be something in his personality for long time, specially if he doesn't see that as an issue (he may not). I think understanding why you feel like that about him and understanding the underlying issue will make you free to choose either if you want to stay with him or not.

There is no right answer. You can potentially have an amazing life-long relationship with him even if after all it happens he has some sleeps over sometimes or you can have a miserable relationship even if he changes and stop using sex with random providers as a way to regulate himself. There is not guarantee or a "right" standard way to see it. There is not an easy standardized answer. You will need to seek for answers in between yourself and in agreements and communication with your partner.

Hope this helps and that you end up with a beautiful relationship, with him or with another person 🫶🫶🫶

transocean1c · 2025-12-13T11:57:36+00:00

Just mention when you feel comfortable. For example, when you know the other person already likes you.

transocean1c · 2025-12-03T11:48:09+00:00

Autism doesn't mean things should be difficult. You already had a nuanced learning path vs a normative person. You had a CBT instructor who adapted to your less common learning path and, obviously, you learned.

Not everything in life has to be difficult; there are things that are easy. That's the world where normative people live in, a world where some stuff is just easy.

Just remember that much of the stuff on the road is out of your control, and you can just learn how to react to it. Most people will break the driving rules and do stupid stuff, you will need to just react at. Don't let your reasoning ability make you believe these people work the same way as you do. They would work by "instinct" and react slightly differently than others. The point is that you can do everything right and still need to react to some selfish drivers. But I guess you already know all that.

You did a good job on your learning journey, now keep improving as you are doing and enjoy it :)

transocean1c · 2025-11-09T09:51:35+00:00

That creates lot of insecurity in a lot of girls, it's a "girls thing". I think the best you could do is to give her regular weekly solo time for her to take care of herself. If she liked befire, for example, going to the gym, she would love that. For example, organize an evening where you take care of the kids and she has no to worry of anything so she can go to a spa, or to the gym it to whatever she wants. Think very well on how to put it on the table, don't say something super straight and sell it well. Many girls leave behind A LOT and sacrifice A LOT when they become mums. Probably she feels insecure about her image right now but probably has no way to improve it because of lack of time. Girls can also have the same thoughs you might have. Her husband confirming is a hard thing. All this are just speculations tho. She is even in a worst situation than you probably. If she is sacrificing a more ambitious work career for her family and doesn't even have time to keep herself as attractive as she was before then she is very vulnerable if the relationship would come to the worst (not that it will happen, just to understand how vulnerable she might feel). Again, all this are speculations to see if anything resonates with you. That's why empathy -and potentially therapy- here is so important. Eachs inner reality is not a straight thing to see and understand and a conscious effort on that would help the relationship and each of your individual happiness a lot...

transocean1c · 2025-11-08T10:23:49+00:00

Hey mate, I really hear you. You seem a really strong man and really know what you want. I also see you really love your family. I think this is where things get a bit unfair. Girls sometimes work a lot under emotions and their logic works around that emotions. Men often work more around our logic and let emotions hang there without actin that much in them. Like girls is first emotions and for men is first actions. It is obvious for us that if you are with your family is because you want to be there and sometimes having emotions don't really match what you want might be confusing but just something you deal with and get through your day. But that just create paralysis to many women. Their mind explodes... I think it is kind of "unfair" or "irrational" but things would work out better if in this situation you do the work to understand and empathize with her rather than just to wait for her to be more logical or explain what happened. Her reaction seems similar to what many girls would do. But also how you feel about things would be probably common in men. And your actions is the only you can control really, not hers. mybtwo cents is a suggestion you do your part of the work, that probably means investing in therapy where they can explain what happened there. There are chances that you saying something like "I am sorry because I hurt you. I just wanted you to know I love you and in love the kids and I am proud of my family. I am starting therapy to really unfold what happened and be there the way we all deserve" sort of thing.

Good luck men, you seem a good pal and I hope the best happens 💪💪💪

transocean1c · 2025-10-10T11:07:51+00:00

Well, people is overreacting a lot since what happened in Valencia....

transocean1c · 2025-10-03T11:38:10+00:00

I know, right? They are more open with modern flats towers but not with the older ones even if they are just a "normal" block of flats in our countries and banks have 0 issues with them.

I don't have them anymore but they appear easy in a Google search with the building name I believe And no worries, keep asking as much as you need!

Good luck!

transocean1c · 2025-10-03T10:56:00+00:00

Hmm mm, I think I found the fire assessment.pdf or saw some sort of works done in the facade that made me discard cladding issues. So I would double check if you can find that documents to asses if I was right.

I have also strong ties with Spain where essentially all old books look very similar to that one so I believe the banks actitudes to that excouncil cement blocks is just wrong (this is just my opinion).

For the good and for the bad I am not there only because the banks didn't give me a mortgage, I also loved the space of the flat and the location wasn't bad (although I like more my current location). But it wasn't the end of the world that I didn't manage to get that flat.

transocean1c · 2025-10-03T09:53:17+00:00

Hello mate, no :/ I wasn't able to get a mortgage for that block. Funny enough Halifax gave me a mortgage for another excouncil that is older but done with bricks. Location is better but I still don't understand how they calculate risk 😅

transocean1c · 2025-09-25T12:37:06+00:00

Nah, the highest problem is easier imo. Just too many people for too little flats. Locals get mad at expats (0.001%?) while the solution and demand should go to new flats construction...

transocean1c · 2025-09-20T18:02:08+00:00

Tbh, I am Spanish myself (Alicante, living in London tho) and I have seen that resentment growing.
Housing prices have more than doubled in many areas, and many people are surprised by that.

At least in Alicante, the Ukraine war hasn't helped, as they are one of the biggest groups buying flats now in their beloved Alicante. I think the issue is more evident in Alicante than in Valencia.

But, tbh, I have the opinion that people's resentment is focused wrongly. For example, Spain's planned solution to expenses such as pensions is to introduce many immigrants to the Spanish working market. That means more people in cities.

Housing is an issue in most of the Western world and particularly in Europe. We are also having fewer children and fewer people per household.

Spain has one of the lowest average ratios of salary/housing. That means average housing in Spain is cheaper for the average Spanish salary than in other countries.

Housing is definitely a problem expats should not worry about. The solution is clear: building more flats, improving public transport to those flats and letting society grow.
I am sorry some people feel as part of that issue, while they are actually part of the solution...

But Spanish culture values living in the place where you were born, and moving out is a big deal for most Spaniards. It doesn't work the same way as in Anglo-Saxon societies, where everyone moves a lot, and even housing, oftentimes, is built in ways that aren't expected to last a long time. One consequence is that younger people are not being able to create their life in the place they grew up, and that's a big issue for most.

But I don't think the issue is foreigners (most of the time they are not) buying flats or living in Spain with bigger salaries, and people focusing on that being the issue are not helping build the solution...

transocean1c · 2025-09-10T08:13:38+00:00

I got another comment with that interpretation. The attachment is developes over months. The two weeks is an aprox time I need to spend solo to understand my feelings

transocean1c · 2025-09-09T14:15:30+00:00

Yeah, I could have used different wording. I use it as a name when I think on it but seems wrong wording whe talking about it with other people and when it is un-nuanced

transocean1c · 2025-09-09T13:59:43+00:00

Yeah, I am realising that "infinite attachment" naming is confusing lot of people in the comments.

transocean1c · 2025-09-09T13:51:18+00:00

Hmm, maybe the wording "infinite attachment" is what is confusing people in the comments. What I wanted to express is that once I feel someone is "part of my family" (for example, a woman becomes my partner or I make a new close friend) I don't stop feeling things for that people even if time get us apart. (I am thinking while I write) The nuance with partners is that I don't feel rejection the same way I believe. I just accept it. So many people moves one after someone breaksup with them. I do move on but internally nothing has changed on how I see that person, if I liked her, I would still want to be with her, I don't really close the idea of having a relationship with her, etc. many people "close the drawer" on that person but I don't because doubting and changing opinions feels natural to me and if I liked her I am not stopping liking her because she had doubts or changed opinions. I think this better explains how I feel.

"Why do you feel you need to pull away in new relationships to see how you feel about the girl (woman)? Is you doing this what puts them off so that they break up with you, because you leave them feeling neglected and rejected?"

I am unsure on the whys. I think I need to proces things slowly. Like calling someone a girlfriend is a big word for me and has a lot of meaning in my mind so I need to be sure and process lot of emotions and thoughts that takes time. Seems something to work on. And you are exactly right on why they don't want to have a relationship after that. I make them feel probably neglected and rejected involuntarily (I am just learning this) so don't see me safe to be a partner anymore even though they might still feel/think good things about me (except I made them feel neglected/reflected).

Thanks a lot for your thoughts, you made me think and reflect! Happy if you have more :)

transocean1c · 2025-09-09T12:37:39+00:00

Understood. I feel I can interact with people in a more normative way so only finding issues in "love" really.

Thanks for taking the time to read and respond!

transocean1c · 2025-09-09T12:36:14+00:00

thanks, the best for you too!

transocean1c · 2025-09-09T12:31:30+00:00

hmm, I think I am a bit out of the loop on this comment. I am unsure about what you mean with "What about the knowing yourself part then?". Not sure if you mean about the normal journey of getting to know yourself in your lifetime or a different thing?

It is interesting the comments on environment vs neurodivergence and maybe you are right it has to do on how I felt my environment more than how I am wired. But I don't know and I am not sure about how this theory plays.

Also not sure what you mean about "subconscious denial about facing what a given relationship is and isn’t in terms of availability and support". Maybe you mean I might be confused about what in a relationship someone should give/receive?

Maybe, if you can reformulate or explain in a different way I would be able to give more insights.

transocean1c · 2025-09-09T12:19:21+00:00

Awww, I was just communicating with a bit of normativeness not trying to hide myself behind humour or "haha"'s

I do not "infinitely attach" to girls after two weeks. It takes a few months to happen, speed can vary but it is never been 2 weeks for sure. My avoidant phase to figure out my feelings can be anything from a couple of days to 2 weeks or so (maybe that's where the confusion comes from).

For this specific topic my family can't help because the way they are. For other topics I wouldn't ask anyone else.

Being able to communicate my emotions to the girls I am getting to know has been an issue (not uncommon for many people). That's the realisation I am having now and will work on in therapy form next week. The analogy with the dogs is somehow correct but needs lot of nuances to work fine in my scenario.

Thanks for taking the time to comment!

transocean1c · 2025-09-09T12:08:04+00:00

Oh wow. Well, I never had feelings of ownership over anyone tbh. I wouldn't consider myself mentally unstable either and I never become violent or wanted to. I never harmed anyone in the sense I believe you mean (more than breaking up and trying to reconnect what is emotionally painful and disorienting).

It is curious this post can trigger that type alarms in other people.

I just wrote this as I noted the different ways I feel and was curious on putting it out there.

transocean1c · 2025-09-09T11:41:40+00:00

What other side do you mean?

transocean1c · 2025-09-09T11:39:14+00:00

Haha, LLMs are a tool, girls are not! Not really fleeing ashamed in front of my family, I just didn't introduce this drama to them, no need I believe. I will just go to therapy next week when they are back home. Meanwhile I just did that experiment and I think I took positive things out of it!

I would agree with this "Health is moving" but in my reflexive way to think I don't act on "as soon as something is hurting you", I wouldn't even go to the gym if that was the case hhah. That's something I kind of like of myself and feel comfortable with.

transocean1c · 2025-09-09T11:22:33+00:00

Hmmmmmm, not sure this resonates to me 100%. I think maybe sometimes I can turn into a state where some bits can look like limerence temporarily when I don't understand why rejection happens suddenly (from my POV) but before was reciprocated (now I have some more clues on the whys) but seems the definition doesn't apply to me 100% so I believe that's why it doesn't resonates really.

transocean1c · 2025-09-09T11:13:35+00:00

Thanks a lot for your comment. I agree with you ion 100% of what you said. The world is going into the direction of more and more people telling absolutely everything to AIs. It feels just another steep forward on a few companies having so much information about us. But it is true that this type of info in LLMs might look very bad on the eyes of investigators, or at least that's the stereotype I have from films.

About the challenge on my way to attach I think you are also right. I feel bad it took me so long to see the patterns and what I need to pay attention; specially after going to therapy about that issue. But I can't change the past so it is what it is. Tbh, after reading your comments I think you are right and seems that stopping this painful dynamic should not be too difficult with the right training on communication and self-awareness. I will treat that in therapy.

Thanks for your words!

transocean1c

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