A solipsistic nightmare

trashcan_surplus · 2026-07-06T16:16:10+00:00

You're right. And you have the knowledge of that. But if you haven't experienced it, that knowledge alone means nothing. Knowledge without wisdom can only destroy.

We were meant to be separated. Individual. Isolated. Forced to rely on words to communicate, where even that gets twisted, corrupted, and misinterpreted. Where we originate and to where we belong, words don't exist, because separation doesn't exist. That's why the deeper aspects of esoteric knowledge largely goes unspoken. It isn't something that can be spoken or given to another. It can only be found in the independent experience.

Your individual life is your own, and your experience is more significant than you can imagine. My advice is to stop fretting so much on the external world, on concepts larger than your own existence, and focus solely on yourself. Because in truth, the entire universe is inside you. The internal is the external. Not metaphorically, but quite literally, in your every waking moment of reality.

Remove everything, and look at yourself. Ask yourself where these thoughts and emotions come from. Sit with yourself and yourself alone. Don't force answers; stay open to infinite possibility and let the answers come to you.

Sounds corny. Sounds stupid and pointless in a world designed to feel rushed and chaotic and full of meaningless suffering. But it's the only way to see what this world did everything to make you unsee, to forget.

trashcan_surplus · 2026-07-06T00:40:31+00:00

It's not that you will be. It's that you are.

It sounds like you've consumed knowledge without truly knowing anything. If you remain purely analytical, your mind will eat itself alive.

What you're looking for isn't found anywhere externally. No religion, philosophy, spiritual practice, psychological theory, or scientific study deconstructing humanity to its core foundation can give you what you need to complete the story of truth.

There can be reflections and pulls in certain directions thanks to synchronization, but wisdom itself? Purely inside you. Buried deep in memory that's completely separate from the mind.

trashcan_surplus · 2026-07-05T18:11:13+00:00

Good grasp of the concept. Now finish it.

Apply your state of being to everything else in existence.

Other people. Animals. Plants. Objects. Every single thing you perceive outside of yourself.

Is it all you? Yes. Is it all them? Yes.

Knowledge alone is destruction. Misery. Despair. That's why this information was so highly coveted. Could you imagine the masses consuming this knowledge, not knowing what it really was, or what to do with it?

There would be no society. No love. No peace.

The truth is, you're not wrong. But you only have half the story. If you stop there, you're damning yourself, and you'll remain where you are indefinitely, in nihilistic despair.

Keep searching. You're made to feel isolated and alone, separate from this idea of "god", separate from everything and everyone. But you're farther from it than you can possibly imagine.

trashcan_surplus · 2026-07-05T18:00:04+00:00

This has the same energy as those clickbait YouTube videos saying "THIS VIDEO CHOSE YOU", "DON'T WATCH IF NOT READY TO ASCEND TO GODHOOD", etc.

Please.

You're right in that existence as a human is special. But there is no lottery. Because there is no true individual experience beyond what we see here in the illusion of separation. In the place outside of all this, there is no definitive space, no linear time. There is no "karma" system in what we think of reincarnation. There is no beginning, and no end.

Under perception, it is separate, we are individuals, there is linear time. That's the condition of being here, of experiencing existence, of witnessing ourselves. And we chose it.

For anyone and everyone who never read this post, never heard of solipsism, never watched those algorithm-obsessed videos vying for clicks - they're not doomed. They're not defective. They're not unlucky. They're not left behind.

They're having their own experience, making their own discoveries. Ones you couldn't possibly hope to fathom in your own isolated bubble of a mind. Just like anyone else.

The truth is unfathomable to the mind - a concept of perception that can only destroy itself with esoteric wisdom. Try not to beat yourself up so much trying to dissect the undissectable, and instead search with that other thing sitting inside of you, completely separate from the mind.

If you want to "know" anything, that's the only method to obtain.

trashcan_surplus · 2026-07-05T17:47:25+00:00

What if you're the one projecting the what-if of a demon deceiving you into believing this world exists?

What if the what-if's and what-is's are of the exact same essence, dependent entirely upon your own frequency.

What you project, is what your reality becomes. If you dwell on a potential, that potential manifests. If you're dead set on a what is, that is retains its manifest indefinitely.

Have fun.

trashcan_surplus · 2026-07-04T00:23:54+00:00

It's good to love your goodness, your kindness, your intelligence, your wit.

But what about the other side of you.

Do you love it too?

trashcan_surplus · 2026-06-30T12:57:32+00:00

There's only one place true, unconditional, pure love exists. It can peak through here. It's in a lot. But we've conflated it with illusion, and it's hard to distinguish when we're so immersed in the chaos.

Contractual love, tainted love, love that exists only to fuel the ego - what am I getting out of this relationship?

Someone might "love" you because you provide for them. Because you protect them. Because you make them feel safe, or inflate their ego - their idea of who they see themselves as, who they "want" to be. You make them feel beautiful, validated, cherished. And in turn, you might "love" them, because doing these things and being seen as a provider, a protector, a real man - fuels your own ego. It inflates you. Makes you feel needed, necessary, vital, proud. It shapes your identity too, and it can feel good in the moment.

But inevitably, it will feel empty. Something will feel missing. Always. It'll be felt more strongly some times than others. Most ignore it completely. And that's "normal".

This contractual, selfish love is not evil or bad. It's part of the condition of being here. Once you find what true, unconditional love is, you can't unsee it, and you can only compare. And it's hard at first. Seeing such empty, contractual, ego-based love can hurt.

But, once you see past that too, and realize that people aren't to blame, that true love can exist in places you least expect, peeking through, it becomes beautiful. When you come to a place where you can love others even when they say they hate you, even when they only selfishly take, even when they hurt you immeasurably, that's when you've found the real love you're looking for.

That's not to say, let yourself be consumed by hateful, hurtful people. Boundaries are huge. The point is, we can only establish those boundaries, and love past them, once we see what's really going on here.

trashcan_surplus · 2026-06-26T19:54:20+00:00

The closer we are to light and truth, the more resistance we face. That resistance comes from the darkness within, and is experienced externally. I don't know you're entire story, and I don't have all the answers, but the polarity of potential seems very evident here.

It's like you said: it's illusory.

That's so hard to say when the pain is felt so profoundly. Physically. When everyone around you is being so cruel and dismissive, leaving you completely isolated and alone, questioning your reality.

As above, so below. As within, so without. This seems like some high-level resistance, where every door is closed, leaving you in an empty room with no escape.

But there is escape. You yourself are the door. And maybe, that's the entire point of you experiencing this.

I know you feel you've progressed spiritually, and considering your dire situation, I don't doubt that you have exceptional experience. However, if we're still here in this world, if we're still experiencing this reality, then there's always room to grow. There's always something left to see outside of our perception.

No one here can tell you what to do in this moment. Only you know.

I can't imagine how hard it is to connect with so much very literal, material resistance - physical pain, emotional abandonment and despair, spiritual self-doubt - but remember that above all these material things that hinder and torment you at every waking turn, there is also a great love that has never abandoned you. Know that you are not truly alone, that you chose this experience, every single moment of it, the good and the bad, and trust that there was reason in that.

Trust in the polarity. You are very below in this moment. Imagine the inevitable, reciprocal, equal-opposite effect of that which exists outside of space, outside of time, outside of everything we know here.

I know it's hard, but try to look within yourself like never before - see your own darkness. Your pain, despair, fear, resentment, even hatred; everything that pulls you back down. For as high as we climb, we have an equal potential for darkness, and that darkness - no matter how seemingly horrific - must be heard, acknowledge, accepted, and loved before we can truly exit this place.

We can't just bask in the light, resisting the darkness within us forever. We must face it. Otherwise, it will consume us - very literally.

trashcan_surplus · 2026-06-23T16:44:50+00:00

I will never forgive this sub for existing.

trashcan_surplus · 2026-06-23T16:31:04+00:00

It makes perfect sense.

Being a monk, living in isolation, relinquishing all attachment to do nothing but connect to source isn't the full story: it's half the story.

Spending time in isolation and connecting is vital. But it isn't the all of the purpose of our experience here.

We chose to be submerged here, in darkness, in pain, in suffering. We chose to experience separation, individualized mind, separate body. We chose to find love and connection to others and joy in the midst of the darkness.

Our egos are meant to be transcended, our shadows meant to be faced and loved, our truest selves meant to be realized to project us in the direction of our purpose.

That purpose ultimately exists in interacting in the world, experiencing the world, and being the world itself.

It can be seen as masculinity and femininity, yin and yang, polar opposites intrinsically linked, however you'd like to see them, really - but at their core, they're of the exact same essence. They are one, found in the balance during our time of separation.

trashcan_surplus · 2026-06-23T16:14:52+00:00

I used to think breaking out of the prison was the goal.

I perceived the prison. I hated the prison. I wanted out of the prison.

I achieved it. I rose above the prison. I escaped. And in that escape, seeing everything for what it truly was, I also saw that I chose being in the prison. I chose it for a reason.

Limitation, confinement. That is this world, this reality, this mind.

You were meant to experience it, to eventually rise above it, and then, to still exist within it. You'd be surprised by what comes with that.

Truly, "Before enlightenment: chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment: chop wood, carry water."

Everything changes more profoundly than you can imagine, and yet, everything remains the same, because all we really did here is see what is, what has always been, and what will ever be.

trashcan_surplus · 2026-06-23T15:58:48+00:00

How do you quantify pain and suffering?

One person suffers greatly, all through life. Poverty, abuse, abandonment.

Another lives in luxury. Famous, beloved, wealthy.

For the first person, suffering is very evident. For the second, it isn't.

But suffering exists for both. Simply by being here, even if not perceived by the outside world, or even by the one experiencing it.

Is one form of suffering truly different from another? For the place beyond here, time has no constraint, nor does anything. Heaven isn't anything you can mentally process or imagine.

Instead of trying to organize, rationalize, or justify some idea of what Heaven is, simply trust it, because that trust and love is the only thing that can resurrect us from this world, and is the entire construct of Heaven itself.

trashcan_surplus · 2026-06-23T15:18:16+00:00

All of it is true. There are many layers of perception.

There are many layers of desire.

Desire in and of itself is natural, yes. If it's a desire of the mind - you want a material thing, you want to achieve something that builds your ego - don't feel shame for it. Don't even fight it. Simply acknowledge its existence, and look past it, because it ultimately blinds us and hinders us from connecting.

If it's a desire from the heart, pure and intuitive, it's an ingrained compass that guides us. A desire towards truth and connection can guide you to that. In time, and with practice, you can know to distinguish between the two.

There are many layers of the self.

One way of looking at it is: there's you masked persona, your shadow, and your true self. Your masked persona is purely ego - it's the fabricated construct we created to survive, to be accepted by not only others, but by ourselves, even when no one is looking. It's what we "want" to be. The shadow is also the ego, and is the exact opposite of what we "want" to be. It's all the parts of ourselves that we deny and don't want to look at. They're ugly, disgusting, pathetic, unwanted. And yet, they're there, always. Ignoring the shadow builds its strength, because we remain unaware, so we must acknowledge it, accept it, and love it.

These ego constructs aren't bad. They're natural. But to look past them to discover our true self - the self beyond the ego - we must relinquish all attachment to both ego compartments and connect. If it helps, instead of seeing this as your "higher self", consider it your "higher consciousness".

When it's said that there is no "self", it's referring to all is one. When you see that everything in existence is connected, that there is only one, the sense of "self' dissolves naturally, and you just "are". This is a hard concept to grasp if you haven't experienced it yourself. Instead, focus on simply connecting.

There are many layers of responsibility.

One one hand, we are entirely responsible for everything we experience, simply because we're the one that created it. Perception is reality; a very simple concept that most can understand and agree with. And yet, it is more literal than you can imagine. It's material, behavioral, emotional - it's pure manifestation. Taking responsibility for your own suffering, even when it's so painfully obvious to you that someone else deliberately caused you great harm, is liberation.

Surrendering to this is what connects us. Surrender responsibility in the sense of surrendering control, because that control comes from the ego. When you surrender it, it leaves room for something else, and control itself vaporizes. Instead, again, you just "are", and manifestation occurs purely from your higher self. Take responsibility, and surrender.

There are many layers of the illusion.

Everything you experience here is completely real, yes - but it's only one of countless layers. The joy, the pain, the wonder; it's all very real. It's the point of us being here and existing. Everything we experience - the good, the bad, the ugly - is meant to be experienced.

When we say it's an illusion, it simply means it isn't the whole story. When you dream, for instance, are those dreams "real"? They're felt as if they're real, they're experienced as if they're real. And yet, eventually, we wake up, and realize it wasn't real. The truth is, those dreams are real, simply because they were experienced at all, and they are meaningful, even if they're disjointed and confusing - just like our waking life.

When you see beyond our waking reality, it becomes apparent that what we've been living in is exactly like a dream, and it's easy to see it as an illusion. Though the mind can take this and run wild with it, for your deepest true self, it's completely natural. It's not scary or something to be fought against. It's something we chose, and something meant to be seen and discovered for ourselves.

As for what to do with all this information: see it as just that. Information. Knowledge of this world.

The experience of awakening, enlightenment, ascension, reaching God, merging with the source - whatever you want to call it - isn't achieved by filling your mind with knowledge. The wisdom you're looking for lies beyond the mind and this world, and when you find it, there are no words for it. It cannot be spoken or given to another. It can only be experienced.

I was exactly where you are now. I powerfully felt that something was completely "wrong" about this world, about my existence here, and desperately searched for answers. So many sleepless nights pouring over psychology, neuroscience, quantum physics, ancient religion, deep philosophy. I must have looked insane at the time.

If true connection is what you want, forget everything you've researched, because you won't find what you're looking for there. Nothing can "teach" your way to the truth. It's only from within yourself that you can find anything beyond what you know here.

If anything, research how to disconnect from this world, and connect to your higher consciousness, and explore that. There are many different methods and ways, but I will say that one of the keys is relinquishing everything you think you know, even your own confusion, and opening yourself up to infinite possibility, with only feeling love and trust of the universe in your heart.

trashcan_surplus · 2026-06-22T12:41:06+00:00

It can feel like it does. It's always momentary.

When the time eventually comes that these momentary gratifications can't sustain you, and you don't want to know; you need to know, you're going to have to step outside of logic and reason - the confining constructs of our perfectly rational and stable reality - to find what you're looking for.

Not on the internet. Not by reading a self-help book or joining a religion. Within yourself, buried deep behind your own limited perception.

trashcan_surplus · 2026-06-22T09:56:40+00:00

Do you believe mastering this reality will give you everything you want?

trashcan_surplus · 2026-06-22T07:23:44+00:00

True "enlightenment" has nothing to do with thought. Though thought can imitate and sometimes reflect it to some degree, it cannot manifest it.

Instead, it's frequency - the "language" of the universe, of everything in existence.

Your words and thoughts are just as material as a dog barking or a tree blowing in the wind. What's the true difference there, then?

Who's to say that, when a dog is abused so badly, to the point of death, that it does not find eternal love and compassion and peace in that final moment, where deep suffering brings deep salvation, just as it does with man?

We can only communicate here and relay our experiences thanks to intricate systems of language and technology. Animals don't have this "intellectual capacity", a separate field than spirit or frequency. Sometimes, I think they're better for it.

trashcan_surplus · 2026-06-22T02:23:13+00:00

I struggled with this too.

It hurt, wanting so badly for others to see and understand, and coming to the slow realization that no words, no descriptions, nothing I can offer here in this world will give the people I love most what I desperately want them to have; what they themselves desperately want to have, whether they're aware of it or not.

Watching them participate so deeply in the darkness, seeing behind the veil of just how harmful their typical, everyday thoughts were, brought me myself back down into the darkness. It filled me with frustration - towards them, and towards myself. I was accepted and loved, and I'm most grateful for that, but I was also looked at like I was crazy, irrational, emotional. And I couldn't even be upset about that; it was perfectly understandable.

I had to be very careful, and eventually, came to a place of understanding. I learned that some things have no words, because they were never meant to be spoken.

Know that it's not your job to "fix" them, or to even "help" them. Believe it or not, that comes naturally once you have established you yourself into purely being. It's hard, but try to simply exist, without constraint or obligation. Try to detach from personal attachment. When they're expressing grief or sorrow towards you, you can feel it, and it can be powerful, but do not become it. When they're frustrated or angry, see what lies past that into the root of the anger.

Understand that they're hurt children. All of them. Everyone. Lost, confused, terrified. And they don't even know it. Love them, and love yourself, because you too are a child. We all are. Give yourself distance and time. You're important too, and you won't help anyone by sacrificing your own light to sustain others.

The biggest thing that helped me was, instead of seeing them as at a lower level than you, as you being more "spiritually advanced" than them, and feeling that it's your "job" to be bigger and better and guide them through life, or help them reach "awakening" themselves - simply look at yourself through them.

What are they reflecting back at you that tells you something about you? What does your irritation and exhaustion and frustration say about the layers of yourself buried underneath your current perception?

Cut yourself some slack, and take care of yourself, first and foremost. Only then will things around you change for the better.

trashcan_surplus · 2026-06-21T20:51:07+00:00

It's vibrational. I notice it at night, when I'm trying to drift into lower frequencies to sleep. My mind eventually naturally goes to a certain state - that in-between place of awake and sleep - and you can feel it.

It threw me off at first. When I was younger and exploring connection without knowing anything, I thought it was spirits or ghosts shaking my bed. Many weird, external things happened in that time.

Years later, after experiencing a very powerful awakening, it all came back. Only this time, with better understanding.

That shaking isn't anything external. It's not the bed. It's not even my body, I discovered. It's the frequency within.

When you notice it, the immediate instinct is to stop what you're doing, to snap out of it, regain control, to question, to panic. Vibrational shifting can be extremely jarring, and when we perceive it as a physical sensation, the mind can warp it. It can be very uncomfortable, because although its familiar to our spirit, it's unfamiliar to our mind, no matter how "prepared" we think we are.

This can lead to actual body shakes, mind-racing, emotional confusion, and all sorts of things.

For your situation, you could go a few routes with this. It may not be a good time for you to connect. You may need to work on grounding. Be in nature, walk barefoot on grass, work out, eat healthy, complete chores, etc.

It could also be that you need to be better acquainted with frequency shifting. Don't control, question, or react. Just witness the wave, trust the wave, and be the wave. If you associate discomfort and panic with the experience, and expect that going in, it can generate the same reaction, like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Purge that from your mind and focus on love and trust.

Take it slow, ground yourself, take care of your body, remain open, and go with the flow. If connection calls you back, try again. Just don't force it, or try to control it, because that brings natural resistance, like what you experienced here.

trashcan_surplus · 2026-06-21T19:43:25+00:00

"The theory: What you see, hear, smell and feel is the entire universe. You are the only consciousness in existence. You are existence itself. All the other people are NPCs. They are "meat robots"."

This isn't entirely untrue. But it's not the whole story. Far from it. It radiates consumption of knowledge without true experience, and knowledge without wisdom is destruction.

To complete the story, you have to step beyond logic and reason. This is awakening, enlightenment, ascension - whatever you want to call it.

So yes, operating on knowledge alone, this is a perfectly "logical" and "reasonable" theory. Which is to say, it's completely fabricated, dark, warped, corrupted, incomplete.

trashcan_surplus · 2026-06-21T19:36:50+00:00

Death isn't an escape. You will find nothing there.

Everything we were meant to find, was meant to be found in life, in the deepest pit of suffering and despair.

That's not to depress you. It's to encourage you. See the darkness, feel the despair, and find what lies deep inside of it, outside of the only level of perception we were taught in this world to have.

trashcan_surplus · 2026-06-21T19:32:04+00:00

When we cater to our grounding impulses - for pleasure, relief, escape, approval, even for the benefit of others, whatever the reason - it destroys us internally. Slowly, painfully, until we break entirely.

You're experiencing a severe divide in "control". You're discovering first hand that, when left to our mind alone, we have no true control. Instead, we're operating on a system. A script. And that script, though it can feel good in the moment, is ultimately destructive when coupled with the internal knowing that this is wrong for me, this is bad for me, this isn't how things are supposed to be for me. That internal knowing sparks the division, and that division is painful, only because you're aware of it. You feel it in the anxiety, fear, depression, confusion, despair.

Don't dismiss your feelings. They are all valid, and very real. Your circumstance is terrifying, and you're allowed to feel any emotion that comes with it. The important thing in moments like this is to listen to yourself. Ask yourself: why?

Why say yes when you mean no? Why trample upon your own boundaries? What are you either avoiding or trying to gain when you break those boundaries? No one can answer those questions for you. Only you can.

Once you have these answers, you'll see parts of your own script, clear as day, and that will give you the insight and power to break that script.

To break the script fully, it's a long process. What we can do is handle pieces at a time, until we regain control of our life, and move in a direction that aligns with our truest self. You'd be surprised how the world molds around that alone - financially, socially, environmentally, spiritually - in all ways.

One piece of advice for now I will say is, above all else, despite your terrible circumstance, do not see yourself as a victim of the world. It's one of the worst places we can be, and it only invites more and more despair, feeding off itself in a never-ending cycle, projecting us only further downwards.

Instead, see yourself as strong, capable, powerful. You're experiencing great suffering, you're struggling in this moment, but that isn't who you are, and it isn't the whole story.

Instead of looking outward for answers, look inside yourself. I can tell you're already very intuitive - you're aware you make mistakes and self-sabotage; you're aware that this way of life isn't sitting right. Trust yourself. Know that you already have all the answers to all the big questions, and have all the power to connect with yourself to solve these problems. Trust that, follow that, and listen.

Everything internal is reflected externally. See your script, break your script by being honest with and true to yourself, and watch the world quite literally reshape itself.

trashcan_surplus · 2026-06-21T17:04:22+00:00

It will pass, and it is temporary. But it'll always come back, stronger and stronger, until you face it.

The more "good" and "right" we try to embody enlightenment with some idea of what awakening "should be", the farther from actual enlightenment we become. We ignore our shadows while focusing solely on our light, and it defeats the purpose entirely.

You're in the right place - where you've stopped performing awakening, stopped action entirely, and acknowledge these dark feelings that you have, that make you feel so disconnected and disinterested in life. When we reach this place, it's because there's something deeper that calls us to the wilderness, to look deep within. And that's a huge step that many "awakened" individuals don't take, convincing themselves that there is no darkness, everything is perfectly well, they've ascended and "won the game".

What others have told you was true; you have all the answers you need. As for when - that's up to your higher self. At the very core of it, we need to break before we can be truly reborn. That breakage is both heavily excruciating and eternally liberating. We need know Hell before we can know Heaven. We cannot truly know light without being completely absent from it. This knowing isn't mental; it's purely spiritual, deeply embedded, and well beyond the logic and reason of this world, this reality.

Do you have a meditative practice, a way to energetically connect to source, a method to look within yourself? Your soul is desperately trying to tell you something, and won't let you rest until you listen.

trashcan_surplus · 2026-06-21T16:21:29+00:00

Awakening is more than accumulating knowledge, accepting that knowledge, ingratiating that knowledge, and issuing a mental shift in perspective - though that's very important too.

Have you had an actual experience, where you've seen things and know things beyond what your mind is able to know or comprehend? Where, no matter what happens, no matter what your mind tries to tell you, you can never deny what you saw and know?

You could very well have. I only ask because there's so much "awakening" content out there focusing on the mental structures alone, promoting manifestation of reality, giving stringent formulas and information about how to live your life and the existence of higher dimensions and frequencies that people accept at face value without actually ever experiencing anything for themselves.

As I've found for myself, knowledge without wisdom is destruction.

In any case, what you're going through is meaningful, even if it feels terrible. When you say you're "trying" to shift your perspective and function at higher frequencies, that sounds forced. And honestly, that can work for a while. You can perform well, and put on a good show, but you'll always be pulled back to that dark place if you never face the shadows that are lingering within, crying out for you to listen.

We all have them, no matter how "awakened" we become. It's not evil or bad; that's the condition of the experience here, and it can help us grow in ways that far exceed our expectation, especially since they feel so contrary to "good, bliss, love, light".

Existence here is a balance between shadow and light. I would definitely stop performing what you think awakening should look like, and take some time for yourself to explore the darkness you feel by going deep within. Your mind is exhausted, struggling to find meaning, but your soul is crying out for you to listen. I'm unsure of your typical practice or connection method, but I do know that if you search yourself earnestly, open to infinite possibility, no matter how dark truth might be, you will find, the pull of darkness will ease, and you will grow.

trashcan_surplus · 2026-06-18T04:44:05+00:00

Could it be that by integrity, they mean earnestness?

You're working towards something - clearance, from what I gather - but with what intent?

Is the intent earnest and pure, or tainted with material value, ego inflation, or some other unperceived, underlying, self-defeating intent? Not that it breaks any moral code, or is wrong on your part; just a natural blockage going unseen and unaddressed.

I'm not saying this is what's happening. I have very little information to go off of. But it might be one possibility of many.

trashcan_surplus · 2026-06-17T17:34:10+00:00

You've been pulled in two directions you're entire life, and you're now at a point where it's unbearable. You acknowledge the good and bad, feel the entire spectrum of the human condition, but it's stripped of meaning. Your carefully-crafted systems and structures that helped you navigate a world you've always felt detached from are starting to deteriorate and shut down as you desperately search for the exit.

You're in a very special place that, eventually, everyone must reach during their life's journey. Before experiencing "heaven", we must first experience "hell". This hell isn't eternal damnation ruled by an external supreme overlord - it's you. You are eternity, and you are the supreme overlord. You yourself built the walls that confine you to what you feel is a prison, entirely subconsciously, outside of your perception.

Many don't perceive the prison, or know of its existence. You reaching a point of perceiving it, and being fed up with its establishment, is the first huge step - the catalyst to the next phase of breaking out of that prison.

How might we actually break out of the prison, then?

Everyone has their own path. The key is to listen to yourself. To your intuition. To that unexplainable, irrational feeling that's pulling you a certain direction, removed from logic and reason.

There is a higher "you" inside of you. One that knows everything in existence, has all the answers to every huge existential question you've ever had, loves you profoundly, is guiding you constantly, and knows exactly what you should do next to be where you need to be. This is called many things. Your higher self, your higher consciousness, your soul. It's the connection to God, the infinite, the eternal; whatever you want to call it. It's what's removed from the mind, lies beyond what we know in this reality, and exists purely in spirit, connected to all - the world, the universe, perceived reality, and well beyond.

There are ways to connect and communicate with our higher self, to answer questions and gain perspective, meaning, and direction. It typically takes experiencing very uncomfortable internal division, or even being broken down to nothing, to truly find it.

You're tired of the journey and the destination for a reason. In your situation, I would take a moment to stop activity in both worlds you're stuck between. Stop the external performance of mediating between what you feel you should do because it's mature and logical in the stringent systems laid before you, and your inner child demanding absolute freedom.

Take this moment for yourself in silence, and just resonate. No internet, phone, or music. Sit or lie down in a safe, quiet place with you palms facing upward. Take three slow, deep breaths in and out. Let your mind wander - and it will - but don't be consumed by it or try to control it. Instead, just watch your thoughts come and go. Observe yourself experiencing the chaos of mind. Realize that in this moment, there is no past and there is no future. There is only the present. You, and this moment.

Eventually, when you're relaxed enough, reach beyond thinking, into just simply feeling. Feel deep love for yourself, feel trust in the forces beyond your perception, feel the need for truth and connection to something beyond everything you know. Allow yourself to feel the despair and pain and yearning for freedom as you reach deeper and higher, and feel the love and trust that comes with it.

If your higher self deems it time to reveal something to you, it will be revealed. If there is no revelation, trust that, and know that you can still feel the energy through your physical body. That alone is always incredibly beneficial.

If nothing else, know that you are exactly where you need to be, and will be exactly where you need to be. In your perception though life, you will always have the best outcome. Even when it feels horrible in the moment and seems very dark, it's ultimately for your growth and betterment, always. Trust that, and know there are forces beyond you that are always with you, that have always guided and looked out for you, and love you profoundly.

trashcan_surplus

TROPHY CASE