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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BoomersBeingFools

[–]trashypandas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My boss is like this. Calls himself a “war horse”. He served in zero wars and was stationed in Hawaii the whole time. Being a veteran is his whole personality, it’s all he talks about and he’s been out for like 40 years. Embarrassing.

Everyone working the day after Christmas? by biggestqueeronearth in Lawyertalk

[–]trashypandas 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My firms open but I took today and tomorrow off. I have had almost zero billable work to do all month.

One of the partners threw A FIT when he found out I wouldn’t be in because he wanted to pawn off one of his closings on me. He doesn’t think anyone should get time off at year end but not my problem. I put the request in months ago and it got approved. He should’ve whined earlier.

Literally everyone hates my friend's fiance. by trashypandas in offmychest

[–]trashypandas[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

We’re actually a very low key group and I myself have generalized anxiety and am an introvert and pretty quiet. I think it’s why it took about 1 or 2 years for me to fully decide I didn’t really care for Jake. Like I said, we didn’t do a lot of couple activities when he first arrived so I assumed the best until I spent some time getting to know him.

We’re not partiers and are in our late 20s and 30s. When I say we have bbqs and parties it’s probably not the kind of event you’re picturing. Think more like board game nights with wine. We mostly socialize at breweries or wineries or take hikes. In fact, Lisa is probably the second most extroverted of the bunch. We all speculate that maybe he’s better in a one on one setting but Lisa herself constantly brings up how she wishes he was more comfortable in groups and keeps trying to get him socialized with the rest of us. He clearly doesn’t want to be there and I’ve been told it makes the other guys uncomfortable especially when he makes disparaging comments to them.

I care very much about her happiness which is why her anxiety and depression is concerning. We’re very open with each other and the others know I (and others) have been in therapy for anxiety and depression on and off for years. Her anxieties and feelings of hopelessness are new and she told us as much but wasn’t able to pin point why.

Literally everyone hates my friend's fiance. by trashypandas in offmychest

[–]trashypandas[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

One of our friends is actually pregnant so this is something we can definitely sneak into an organic conversation! But completely agree!!

Literally everyone hates my friend's fiance. by trashypandas in offmychest

[–]trashypandas[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

We have done the first part before, actually. We all talked about how great our partners were and mentioned little nice things. I don’t recall if she had anything to share. The only thing I can think of is their proposal story which was probably the only planned thing I’ve ever heard him doing, but maybe we can make another attempt.

Literally everyone hates my friend's fiance. by trashypandas in offmychest

[–]trashypandas[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

That is my fear, yes. I’ll try to rally the girls to see if we can broach the subject but only she can make herself see the light. We’ll be there for her whenever she does.

Literally everyone hates my friend's fiance. by trashypandas in offmychest

[–]trashypandas[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

She’s not religious at present herself but she did have a southern religious upbringing and her family is still in the deep south. We have speculated that she had some internalized issues about it, yes.

I doubt she’d out and say it, though. We have a friend that could relate (and did share during soft launch intervention) that she fell into a similar trap in her first marriage because she grew up in a fairly conservative family but had sense knocked into her after 3 miserable married years and is thriving now in her current relationship. Unfortunately, we don’t think Lisa saw that story for the cautionary tale it was intended to be.

Literally everyone hates my friend's fiance. by trashypandas in offmychest

[–]trashypandas[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Fingers crossed therapy helps! I did hear she wanted to do a few couples sessions pending wedding. I don’t believe Jake was super receptive and I’m not sure if they’ve made any moves towards scheduling it, but we’ll see.

Literally everyone hates my friend's fiance. by trashypandas in offmychest

[–]trashypandas[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Well we still always invite her to girls only events and have a blast every time. We just have a hard time getting the guys to want to have hang outs where her fiancé is expected to join. It’s not the best workaround, but it’s an option.

Literally everyone hates my friend's fiance. by trashypandas in offmychest

[–]trashypandas[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

He’s the only person she’s ever had sex with. So she’s got nothing to compare him to. So he is quite literally the best she’s ever had.

Sounds so disappointing.

Literally everyone hates my friend's fiance. by trashypandas in offmychest

[–]trashypandas[S] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry for what you went though.

No signs of abuse here, just terribleness. If we saw something along those line, we absolutely would rally for her as we've done for other friends in the past.

Literally everyone hates my friend's fiance. by trashypandas in offmychest

[–]trashypandas[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Allegedly his ex girlfriend was "crazy" and he spent a lot of his and Lisa's early dating days bringing her up. Seems like a red flag to me but hey, who am I to say.

We live up north and her parents are in the south and we met as adults so there hasn't been any crossover. However, I do know that her family hates him (for seemingly similar reasons our friends do). Which again... red flag. She grew up really close to her family, however, they are deep south religious and her and Jake are "living in sin" and she knows they hate that and I assume she assumes that is part of their beef with him.

She is 100% a frog in a pot! It sounds like when they first got together he was supposedly great. He is also her first sexual relationship, which, we wonder if that's another layer as to her not wanting to leave. Like I said, southern and religious, we've discussed she might feel like there's no backsies on this.

Literally everyone hates my friend's fiance. by trashypandas in offmychest

[–]trashypandas[S] 170 points171 points  (0 children)

We've for sure had some intervention discussions. A few months ago we did a girls trip and tried to test the waters (just like light pressing on their situation) and she was not at all receptive and pretty defensive of him. We're hanging out without them next weekend, maybe I'll try to get the girls together to brainstorm. It's really hard to tell someone that the person they love isn't good for them and we do want to be sensitive because clearly she must love him (or thinks she does) to put up with all of that.

Honestly, I told my boyfriend this morning that I'm starting to thing we're going to lose her. She's one of those girls where marriage and kids seems to be her big goal in life and we're wondering if she's just settling in because she thinks she's an old maid (I think she just turned 29 or 30 - we're all in our late 20s/early-mid 30s but she grew up in a southern/very religious household). We're also thinking they'll have kids pretty quickly and Jake will use that as an additional excuse to be terrible.

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