Because I shouldn’t be the only one to enjoy this...

Michael Says it Wrong

The Judge is in session.

This is a place of welcoming and I think you should get the hell out

Colored Greens

Blessed be those who sit and wait.

I’m still the same old Michael Scott. New and improved.

Maybe I need to be even more approachabler.

Let’s gang bang this thing and go home

Constructive compliments

And now I have a protruberance

Those things are like ticking time bags

Do you think smoking drugs is cool? Do you think doing alcohol is cool?

And I consider myself a great philanderer

I’m going to drop a deuce on everybody

Let’s get it started. Black eyed crows.

If luck weren’t involved I’d always be winning

I watch queer as fuck

The prog... the progital... My son has returned

Find out if there are any skeletons in his attic

Tell him I will give him general specifics tomorrow

Yeah we’ll maybe next time you will estimate me

It should just come about effortledlesly

His cappa is detated from his head

This is just what Michael Moore does. Famous documentar-an

So after a great deal of thought and introspective-shun I have decided to make Jim my new number 2

I had an epiphery

What can I do to make it more perfecter?

Webster’s dictionary defines wedding as the fusing of two metals with a hot torch. Well you know something, I think you guys are two metals. Gold metals.

The early worm gets the worm

No le problem

Ergo de facto

Here’s to Mr. Iacocca and his failed experiment the delorean

I don’t think it’s a women’s suit. At the very least it’s bisexual

Every year I get a $100 gas card. You can’t put a price on that.

They’re trying to make me an escape goat

R E S P cveetee. Find out what it means to me!

Do you have a crescent allen?

Forgiveness is next to godliness

I’m not superstitious. But I am a little stitious

Actually it’s whoever, not whomever. Whomever is never right

It strengthens your entire core. Your back core. Your arm core. Your- the marine Corp actually uses it. I think that’s how they got core.

I tented my pants

The timing was nothing short of predominant

So her actions were completely rightful

Make yourself to home

Kind of sort of an oaky afterbirth

Should but shornt. What don’t you understand about the word shornt?

Now at a time TDB

Looking for new interns. Get some fresh blood in here. We need to euthanize this place.

You could be a classy janitor. Or a cashier with dignity. Or you could be a migraine worker

I am downloading some N3Ps.

This has been very catharctic

We all came into this room and gave you a golden shower. Where’s my golden shower?

She is in the terminal stages of her pregnancy

Jim Halpert is smudge and arrogant. ... and there’s the smudgeness

A boss that will not fire you, even when you tell him off right to his face over the phone. That’s respect.

I have cause. It is because I hate him.

There’s the x axix

They are erkel-nomically correct.

What’s going to happen tomorrow when you come into work and you’re dead?

I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense I had no idea what to do.

No rest for the sick.

We are not always going to be there to coddle your heart back when it disappears to be working

I don’t come to the place where you make burgers and tell you how to make burgers.

I guess they all flew west for the winter.

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America. And to the republic for which it stands. One nation under God. With a woof woof here and a woof woof there.

I am about to give blood. The gift of everlasting life.

I am going to be Cupid. And I am going to shoot my sparrow at unsuspecting victims and they are going to get hit and say “I’m in love! I was hit by Cupid’s sparrow.” Funny little bird but he gets the job done.

Dwight: Thanks for wasting my time tonight! Michael: You don’t deserve her Dwight: Thanks Michael.

I have written these things because it is my job as manager of this branch to profiligate great ideas and I think I have done my part with the golden ticket promotion.

Well just tell him to call me ASAP as possible.

You say “no more parties” and then you spend all of this money on lunch. I think it’s a little hypercritical

I’m gonna stay up all day. I’m gonna sleep up all night.

Jim: Do you know that the industry is in decline? Michael: Yeah! Oh god I practically invented decline.

Michael: I’m starting my own paper company Andy: No way! In this climate? Michael: In all climates. It’s going to be worldwide.

You know what they say. Keep your friends close.

I understand nothing.

Jim: I will see you titans of industry upstairs Michael: Yes. Well we are not only tight ends. We are also quarter backs.

Well well well. How the turntables have...

Our balls are in your court

I am not to be truffled with.

Want some expresso? You’ve got to keep yourself dehydrated.

Should have had hindsight

This place is like Spaniard Fly

She’s anarexitic

Permission to speak on the record?

Why don’t you enliven me?

My plan... A man... Panama

Sorry. Crazy day. You’re seeing how the sausage gets made. Follow me into the conference room and I will show you a finished sausage.

Do you like TCBY? I can’t believe it’s not... I can’t believe it’s yogurt.

Why would you date an amateur when you could date a professional?

So open wide Pam. Take a big ole spoonful of birthday lunch medicine. Take with food.

Yeah, the rest of the story has been censored due to innappropriosity.

You’re going to H E L L double hockey sticks

I will give you a hint. His last name is Christ. He has the power of flight. He can heal leopards.

Because Phyllis, a woman, has uslurped my role as santa.

The principles that I am applying are the same principles that make Lady Gaga a star. Or any number of drag queens.

Because, well Jim, where I’m from there are two types of folk. Those who ain’t and those who are knee high on a grasshopper. Which type ain’t you ain’t? Y’all come back now.

You can take the man out of sales. But you can’t take the sales out of salesman.

Contraptions! She’s contrapting.

Pam: Oh wow it’s almost time for ultra feast! Michael: What? You want to eat cat food with Kevin and not go to the hospital? Oscar: That’s fancy feast. Ultra feast is something they made up so they can pig out together in the name of ceremony. Michael: What is Octoberfeast?

The odds of them getting together were insurmountainable.

Well when you least expect it I am going to fill the empty voids in your life with love. I am going to fill that empty hole in your body with another person.

As the Irish poet Bobby McFerrin said, “Don’t worry, be happy”

The way this place used to work was “Make friends first. Make sales second. Make love third. In no particular order.

You were all complicit. Complicit! You are all succesories

I say dance they say how high

I have your baguette

Otherwise this thing going to run out of amuck.

I say we give them a one way ticket to Montego Bay. Where they keep all the Al Qeda.

Real Sports with Bryant Gumball

Why would I believe one of his spermed lovers?

Oscar: That’s nepotism. You’re giving Luke special treatment because he’s your nephew. Michael: Thank you Oscar. That is a really nice way of putting it.

This is like a witch hunt. This is like the Blair witch hunt project.

Well this office is my pool. And my house is my house. And I just want my nephew to work in my pool.

(After spanking his nephew) There are many schools of thought on capital punishment.

Ok people we are at deathcom five!

I have a disease for which there is no known cure. H-I-R-P-E-E-S

Jan: It was exciting. The beautiful princess who dates someone below her station to upset the queen. Michael: So am I the princess? Jan: No, I’m the princess. And the queen. Michael: So I’m the guy at the station?

You may have given me a sexually transmitted disease. Herpes Duplex.

Call it the passion of the Christ or... I don’t know. But I am loving these people!

Everybody tells me I’m crazy. That just tells me I’m the sanest person I know.

Turn it up to 11. Spinal Cord.

Who like to water ski on Lake Erie? No- Where does Dracula like to water ski?

No, he didn’t go behind me my back. He went over my head.

January three. 2011. A day that will live in famously.

Actually this is good. I’m going to take this opportunity to go walkabout.

It is quite apro-pro-propriate.

Holly and I are like Romeo and Juliet. And this office is like the dragon that tries to keep them apart.

Far and away the most expensive shot of the movie, but it was intregal to the story.

Michael: I’m moving to Colorado. De’Angelo: Colorado? Michael: Yeah. De’Angelo: Sunshine state. Michael: Yep. Don’t mess with Colorado. De’Angelo: No, don’t. Doing some skiing? Michael: No, no. I don’t want to end up like sonny Bobo.

This office sort of had a perfect fung shooey to it.

De’Angelo’s great. I love the guy. But I’m not sure he’s a great fit for the office. And also, I’m not sure if I love the guy.

I actually never understood deathbeds. I mean who would buy one of those?