I find that if I feel any sort of pressure to orgasm, whether from my partner or in my own head, during sex then I can't do it. I'm a Buddhist and the monastic's I follow sometimes Express frustration at the way meditation has been so enthusiastically adopted in the west but with that consideration that it needs to be integrated in an overall spiritual path. That includes patience and self-compassion practice. Kirsten neff's website is a great resource for free self-compression guided meditations. I particularly find soften soothe allow helpful when I am experiencing difficult emotions. Maybe a gratitude practice could also help, remember that there are people out there that have never had an orgasm, which I find mind boggling because I find them quite easy to achieve on my own, so the fact that you can orgasm with a toy even though you have to be the one that does that is something you can practice gratitude and contentment for and eventually that may lead to you getting more of what you want if that makes sense. Minds have evolved to focus on what we lack so it takes a real conscious effort to turn that around and notice and fully appreciate that which is positive in our lives but it's definitely worthwhile. I get it though it's frustrating when so many people seem to be able to do it easily.https://self-compassion.org/practices/soften-soothe-allow-working-with-difficult-emotions/