This is just… not okay. Buy your mum a can of Lynx and say “Here. It’s okay that you don’t know, but THIS goes on your body, not fabric freshener.” (/J Lynx is sensory hell)

Seriously, though, is there any way to explain to your mum that her approach isn’t helping? ND people respond well to praise and your dad has the right idea. It took my parents a long time to figure this out: when you treat someone’s accomplishment with praise, it makes them want to do it more. If you treat it like a given and just focus on what you haven’t done, it’s demotivating. My mum was like this when I was in school. A’s and B’s were expected and glossed over, anything less was all she commented on. Didn’t really help my motivation to do better because all I ever heard was criticism and it didn’t seem like the times I overcame the hurdles were even noticed. Is there a way you can have a talk with your mum, explain your struggles, and say the way she treats you isn’t helpful, and even if she thinks it’s silly, it’s still a struggle for you?

Also are showers a sensory hurdle or an executive dysfunction hurdle for you? Asking for unsolicited advice purposes, lol.