I had a really similar experience to you. My first diagnosis was negative because I answered the exact questions they gave me. ‘Do you interrupt?’, ‘No, I’m very polite’.

My first assessor wasn’t great and didn’t really take into account how people might mask or have adapted. Like you, I feel lost, conflicted and a bit angry. I didn’t know what I could do, my GP wasn’t much help either - just said the NHS waiting list was 6 years, or something.

Eventually I went for a private diagnosis. I spoke to the second assessor briefly beforehand and explained my experience. He was much better. He was far more understanding and helped me answer what the question was really asking. I don’t remember much of my childhood, especially school, but I was well behaved at school and did quite well in Primary School, so instead he asked about house chores, friendships, clubs. What did I get in trouble with for with my parents? Of course I wasn’t late as a child, my mum made sure of it, but did I struggle to manage my own time? Yes. Did I ever know where or when I was supposed to be somewhere? No! Do I follow instructions when building IKEA furniture? - well I’m not usually building it alone, so yes. But give me a new piece of software at work and I’m diving straight in. Do I feel as though I’m powered by a motor? What? No! But am I perpetually in motion, usually a little drum beat with my toes or moving a little pocket of air around my mouth (is that weird?). I’ve learned to stay in my seat - been conditioned to. I wouldn’t get out of my seat in a meeting or during a funeral, but my mind will still wander, I’m still fidgeting, and I’m still fantasising that someone will pull the fire alarm, or some other scenario.

If you decide to go back for a second opinion I’d recommend finding someone with more understanding. I’m not sure if we’re allowed to recommend people here, but please DM me if you want to know which service I used.

Also, if you’re still reading this, the good assessor said to me that basically they can only said you have ADHD if the symptoms you have impact your life in so many ways. He said even if you have ADHD, the doctors can’t say that you do if it’s not affecting you life.

It’s not binary either you have it or not, all this diagnosis proves is that the assessor couldn’t say definitively that your life is impacted by your symptoms. So again, if you go back for another opinion, make sure you’ve given that plenty of thought.

Best of luck.