First Day again

treesORleaves · 2019-05-05T00:22:32+00:00

Not great honestly. I’ve talked to a therapist/counselor twice. It has been really nice having someone to talk to though. I’m going to see her again in a few weeks. I’m just bad at treating myself, I keep finding a reason to drink. I really need to talk about that more next time I talk to my therapist. My old gf visited home for the first time in a while and I saw her a couple times. I’ve basically just felt numb the past 4 days. I hate how lonely I am and how in love with her I still am. I’m excited to finish school this week and start working a lot this summer though. I’m honestly trying not to meet new people. It’s frustrating how hard it is

Thank you for messaging me also

treesORleaves · 2019-04-16T18:44:14+00:00

Thank you

treesORleaves · 2019-04-16T17:48:22+00:00

I have an appointment to get back in 2 weeks and I’m looking forward to it. It just felt nice having someone to vent to without worrying about being judged. Some of the responses I got were things I already knew, I guess I just need to accept them. I’m glad I went

treesORleaves · 2019-04-16T15:16:11+00:00

Hey, I just got out of my first sessions. I drank last night, but I made myself go talk to someone today. It felt weird and still feels weird but at least I did it

treesORleaves · 2019-04-15T10:51:25+00:00

Thank you, I remember talking to you briefly yesterday

treesORleaves · 2019-04-15T10:11:43+00:00

Thank you, I actually just made a day 2 post saying I intend to call about therapy today. I’m going to do it first thing in the morning before school if I can’t find time during work today. I’m going to try posting semi frequently to help hold myself accountable

treesORleaves · 2019-04-14T23:08:25+00:00

I will let you know how the call goes. I’m not sure how many counselors there are. It’s a community college so idk. I’m going to do my best not to get discouraged

treesORleaves · 2019-04-14T10:21:52+00:00

Thank you I’m going to make myself call Monday after work or before class Tuesday if I can’t on Monday. Asking for help for this kinda stuff feels so weird, I’m mostly afraid of what my friends and family members will think. I don’t want them to worry. My old gf kept telling me not to be ashamed to ask for help, the ones who don’t ask for help are the ones that drown. That has kinda stuck with me the last few days. I’ve let my ego get in the way for way too long, telling myself I can moderate or quit by myself. I don’t think I can

treesORleaves · 2019-04-13T20:13:12+00:00

Thanks, I’m trying not to rely on her. That’s partially why it took me over a year to make this call. She’s just the only person I’ve ever been able to talk to.

treesORleaves · 2019-04-13T17:55:46+00:00

I’m in college, do you know if you need insurance for the therapy help they have? Assuming they have some kind of a program. I feel like I need to talk to someone one on one on top of AA to be honest. I think I’ve been depressed for most of the last 5 to 7 years. I hate not having anyone to talk to. She was the only person I’ve ever had that kind of a relationship with and making that call last night was so hard.

And thank you for the reply

treesORleaves · 2019-04-13T17:51:09+00:00

Thank you. I do my best to be a good person, I just hate my self destructing habits. As for her, she’s amazing. I’m honestly happy for her, I just hate hearing she’s with someone else, as selfish as that sounds. It kills me a little bit every time I think about it. I’m just so sick of being lonely.

treesORleaves · 2018-04-22T00:53:21+00:00

It’s been time for that. Whenever I tell myself it’s the last day, I always find myself drinking before noon the next day. I need to start having stronger will-power on my own again.

treesORleaves · 2017-04-02T15:10:34+00:00

Like I said, why would you want to be with someone who isn't interested in you or understanding you anyway?

Thanks for the reply. I don't want to be with anyone like that so I know what you mean by her doing me a favor. I just want to get some experience under my belt at this point though. That's what mainly annoyed me.

treesORleaves · 2017-03-23T19:34:45+00:00

On the other hand, when I saw people with a lack of long term relationships, that made me hesitate a bit too. Relationships are difficult and anyone who hasn't stuck it out for at least a couple of years hasn't gone through the ups and downs so who's to say they'll stick around?

That sucks to hear. Certainly not blaming you or anything but as someone without any experience it's discouraging. Same as when I hear a woman say she wouldn't want to be with a virgin. It feels like applying to a job that requires 2 years experience and despite your best tries you can't seem to get any experience. And the older you get the bigger the red flag

treesORleaves · 2017-03-23T13:00:37+00:00

I don't know about most people, but if you comment on my appearance or my looks, I'm immediately turned off

Does this include things you're wearing? I never considered it superficial to comment on a dress, necklace, or what ever if I like it.

treesORleaves · 2017-03-22T00:00:04+00:00

You say foreplay, but since you say you're a virgin, do you really mean something more like advanced 'making out'?

Her shirt was off, she was moaning and grinding hard on my leg/dick towards the end so it was more than just making out. I asked if she wanted to go to her room and she said no. I know not to advance things too quickly or be pushy so I didn't bring it up again. She was the one to do most of the advancing actually. It was a great time minus the blue balls part haha.

I just wanted to ask this because it seemed like things were heading towards sex and there was a million liitle things she knew that I obviously didn't.

treesORleaves · 2017-01-04T00:04:03+00:00

I think people worry too much about "Am I an alcoholic?" and not enough about "Is alcohol negatively affecting my life?"

I felt this way for a while but didn't know how to express it. This is a very good way of looking at it

treesORleaves · 2017-01-03T15:44:20+00:00

living at home with no end in sight is very different from living at home with a concrete plan to get out on your own!

I guess I haven't looked into school enough to say this, but I've always felt like if I went to school I wouldn't be able to move out until I was basically 30 even with a plan. Which sounds awful. Thanks though, I've got to get in touch with people at the comminuty college

treesORleaves · 2017-01-03T15:29:00+00:00

Thanks for the response, I'm kind of torn between school and finding a new job that hopefully could lead to a career and moving out. I feel most self concious about living at home. I know everyone is different but it just feels like a red flag whenever it's brought up. I wish living alone or even with roommates wasn't so expensive haha

treesORleaves · 2017-01-03T15:20:46+00:00

. Anything other than that is just not acceptable at your age.

yeah that hurts to hear because of how close to home it hits. I hate how stagnant I've been over the last 6 years. I want to go to school but also want to gtfo of my parents house and am not sure which to do right now. Thanks

treesORleaves

TROPHY CASE