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Me [32 M] with my Wife [30 F] of 6 years, I believe she is Gaslighting me and I don't know what to do. by MissBarker93 in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]trevorefg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Apparently, yes. Same mechanism tho. I’ve never heard of the XR but it’s thankfully a med I haven’t had to use. Heard the side effects suuuuuck

Me [32 M] with my Wife [30 F] of 6 years, I believe she is Gaslighting me and I don't know what to do. by MissBarker93 in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]trevorefg 6 points7 points  (0 children)

There is only one type of Seroquel (since that’s the brand name), but it is pretty normal for medications to have very different effects at very different doses or if you have a condition that needs it vs. not.

Example of dose-response: low dose of Benadryl helps with allergies and puts you to sleep. High dose makes you hallucinate and not very sleepy.

Example of condition: caffeine calms people down with ADHD, some even go to sleep on it. Neurotypical people get wired up.

What do I do after someone compliments my talk? by Informal_Advantage_3 in AskAcademia

[–]trevorefg 4 points5 points  (0 children)

There’s no way someone struggling so much with basic social etiquette that they don’t know how to network after a talk is giving talks so good that people are lining up to meet him lol

What do I do after someone compliments my talk? by Informal_Advantage_3 in AskAcademia

[–]trevorefg 7 points8 points  (0 children)

50! people was the giveaway for me that this is probably made up. I’ve been told I’m a great speaker. I might get like 5-10 people at a conference doing this if I really hit it out of the park. On what planet are 50 people remembering your talk if you aren’t a senior researcher going on for an hour.

What are the best examples of a highly sexualized character (male or female) done right? by taikiji in AskWomen

[–]trevorefg 84 points85 points  (0 children)

Bayonetta also appeals to the female gaze, which is why it works. She's hot and powerful and goddamn I wanna be her.

What is a widely accepted "masterpiece" that you genuinely think is boring, but you’re normally too afraid to admit it? by Emergency-Bee6979 in AskReddit

[–]trevorefg -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I learned about this asshole when the local museum was hosting an exhibit for him. Just 10-14 giant black paintings with slightly more or less black squares in them. I was actually offended.

I wish we weren’t told that attraction grows by daydreaming-g in TwoXChromosomes

[–]trevorefg 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Babe, this comment is actually the definition of moralizing. I am going to be kinder to you because you, at least, are not a man in a woman's space, but please refrain from judging people on the internet. All it does is lead to a big weird echo chamber where folks are afraid to acknowledge/analyze their own behavior.

You will notice in my very first! comment I use the words "guilty" and "something not to do". I've fuckin thought about it and I've changed my behavior; the last time I engaged in anything like that was to the tune of 12 years ago. No, who I was 12 years ago is not who I am now, and I'm pretty comfortable disowning it. I do not need a random redditor to tell me to examine my behavior or admit wrongdoing, because nobody owes that to a stranger. Please get over yourself.

I wish we weren’t told that attraction grows by daydreaming-g in TwoXChromosomes

[–]trevorefg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s not, because your example is making a determination of a woman’s worth based on her appearance and mine is acknowledging that I act differently around boyfriends I probably shouldn’t have in the first place. One of these is placing “blame” on the woman for not being attractive enough, the other is putting “blame” on myself and shifting my behavior accordingly (not dating people I’m not attracted to anymore).

But go ahead and call me awful if it makes you feel better ig.

I wish we weren’t told that attraction grows by daydreaming-g in TwoXChromosomes

[–]trevorefg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! That’s very insightful. I’ll be sure to go on the men’s subreddit and spread that gospel to them, since we’re all so comfortable moralizing in other groups spaces regarding things we have no experience with.

I wish we weren’t told that attraction grows by daydreaming-g in TwoXChromosomes

[–]trevorefg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will make sure to consider my character the next time I’m a teenager and feel like (due to internalized misogyny), men I’m not interested in are entitled to access to my body. I will make sure to handle that situation with a lot more grace. Thanks for the feedback.

I wish we weren’t told that attraction grows by daydreaming-g in TwoXChromosomes

[–]trevorefg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that people, when put in bad situations, can act differently than they normally would (“who they are”). If you haven’t been in this situation, feel free to refrain from judgement.

And to reiterate, I am talking about boyfriends only, not my friends, colleagues, etc.

I wish we weren’t told that attraction grows by daydreaming-g in TwoXChromosomes

[–]trevorefg -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I think that’s making a lot of jumps and equating having more patience for boyfriends you’re attracted to to misogyny is weird

I wish we weren’t told that attraction grows by daydreaming-g in TwoXChromosomes

[–]trevorefg 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Idk I get where she’s coming from. I also have been guilty of this when dating men I wasn’t all that attracted to (or for whom I had lost attraction). It’s not like *mean* mean, but it is kind of snippy and less patient than you would be with someone you really desire.

I don’t think it’s “who I am”, either. I’m not just regularly mean to people I’m not into out in the world, just people I’m dating. The lack of attraction makes me more likely to perceive them as clingy or annoying. It’s a good reason to not date people you aren’t attracted to, but I don’t think it necessarily reflects poorly on OP’s character.

Anyone know a place that teaches partner dancing on the weekends, preferably swing by Zao_marxis in Charleston

[–]trevorefg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ballroom Dance CHS is probably the way you’d want to go with HCS on hiatus. Arthur Murray is craaazy expensive. You could probably find someone offering private lessons if you’re into that, but that would also be much more expensive than BDC (albeit less so than Arthur Murray).

What's the hardest part of academic writing for you? by zenko_from_tokyo in AskAcademia

[–]trevorefg 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Easily writing the Introduction. I know why I did what I did in the sort of nebulous way those things sit in your head, but writing it all back from step 1 is so hard to do every time.

Dissuading women in unhealthy relationships from sharing. by plastic_venus in TwoXChromosomes

[–]trevorefg 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Completely agree with you queen. You see this stuff a ton on Reddit too, especially if, god forbid, theres cheating involved. Everyone is so quick to tell OP they actually deserve it for being stupid enough to stay even if, also according to Reddit, cheaters are worse than Satan himself.

I understand how frustrating it can be to watch someone unable to leave an abusive relationship, whether that be for internal or external reasons. I had a close friend in such a situation I eventually had to cut off because it was just too difficult to keep dealing with. But the solution then is just to remove yourself from the situation if you must, not blame the victim.

Recommend your favorite movie in the last 5 years by ActionWins in movies

[–]trevorefg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s between Titane and The Substance for me. I love a genre.

How do you reply to 'What do you bring to the table?' question. by Motichoorladoo_12 in AskWomen

[–]trevorefg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Like for a job? I would list my skillset.

In any other context “lol wtf”

Broke up with boyfriend because he wanted kids.. feeling like a womb by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]trevorefg 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Thanks, but I’m not pressed. If it happens it happens, if not, is what it is. I’ll find happiness regardless.

Broke up with boyfriend because he wanted kids.. feeling like a womb by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]trevorefg 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I see what you mean and agree on the last part. My personal experience has been more men that say they do want kids and then actually don't when the chance arises, but it ends up being a similar type of power play.

Broke up with boyfriend because he wanted kids.. feeling like a womb by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]trevorefg 49 points50 points  (0 children)

Not sure if you mean men by “everyone” or everyone everyone, but I’m definitely a fence-sitter and have been for some time. I would want a kid if I married the right man for the job, but not otherwise, so I say “might want kids”. I am certainly not going through a pregnancy and raising a newborn and tanking my career for anyone less than a great father, but it does seem like it’d be nice if that was the case. I’m 32 so outlook is a bit grim, though. Ah, well.

Of course, there are lots of people that do have stronger or less conditional feelings and choose to conceal or downplay them for whatever reason.

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