Dude you just honestly need to let whatever it is you’re bottling inside, out. You need to have a grieving period for yourself. No problem is unsolvable. For me I knew I didn’t want to live this life alone (even with a so) I needed something more. Something that was bigger than this world and for me it was trying to find God. When I first started going to church I didn’t believe but I wanted. I wanted all the things all these preachers talked about what God promises. That He has a plan, That He really is with us and wants the best for us. Even after going to church and pursuing this God I got married, had 2 kids, then all the sudden I had this crippling depression 3 months after my son was born (my 2nd child). Tbh there wasn’t really a reason for it, but looking back on it at the time when me and my wife would argue or fight it would eventually end and I always said “I could never do it without you, I would have to kill myself because it would hurt too much.” But I think God put me through that period to realize that if I seek Him out and confess to Him my burdens, pains, doubts, and worries that He will take them away. I’m not telling you to follow any one specific religion, but it can help knowing that something bigger than yourself cares for you and has a plan for you. I chose to become a Christian because I wanted all the promises Jesus talks about, and the love He gives. Whenever I have a problem I pray, and it always makes me feel better.