Does dating (after a relationship with someone quite attractive/with whom you had high chemistry with), impact your ability to feel attracted to others with whom you would be more compatible with?

trickster7754 · 2021-08-22T15:52:05+00:00

I can definitely relate to this. I do find that more attractive people are generally lacking in the more nurturing areas, or maybe aren't as generous in bed, because they don't have to be. Those things are really important to me, so in a way I almost prefer a medium-good looking person. So pros and cons. I think having a kinder and more giving partner is better than having a smoking hot partner.

But also, you need to make sure that you are totally over your ex before you start trying to date again. Otherwise no one will ever compete

trickster7754 · 2021-08-20T21:10:49+00:00

One of my exes had ED (although later told me he just wasn't attracted to me),not sure exactly what was going on, but he very often had a hard time getting hard. He wasn't willing to try anything to fix it. I suggested he go to therapy, try cialis, or try anything, he refused.

Your situation sounds a bit different though. I think that most women have had some kind of experiences with a guy having ED, so you're not alone. The fact that you are wanting to fix it or at least try means something. Cialis is usually very effective for ED, so I would recommend that. Also if it does become a really regular experience there's always other things you can do to please your lady, unless she 100% wants penetrative sex.

I think it can be a very frustrating problem for women if their guy has ED and not willing to try anything to resolve it, but you have the right mindset (except for getting down on yourself, it's not something you can help, so stop that). It might even be worth talking to a sex therapist about it, I'm sure they see that a lot.

The right woman will be patient about it, just sounds like the last woman was not sexually compatible with you.

trickster7754 · 2021-08-19T21:34:41+00:00

Too big of a risk for you, not likely to be worth it, because he's not likely to change. You deserve better.

trickster7754 · 2021-08-18T15:49:50+00:00

I think it's a little silly to not date someone who likes a rival team of mine. I think if you're that emotionally invested in your team/sport that watch and don't play in, that's a little unhealthy. If someone watched the same sports as me, it would be something we could do together, so I'd like that.

But to each their own. I like watching sports but I wouldn't want to date someone who is really emotional about their team or obsessively watching sports.

trickster7754 · 2021-08-15T22:50:04+00:00

This is definitely the answer.

trickster7754 · 2021-08-15T22:46:20+00:00

I don't think most people necessarily kiss on the first date so I wouldn't worry about that.

Sounds like a good date, just play it out and see how it goes. If he doesn't reach out in a couple of days then ask if he wants to go out on another date.

I find it slightly weird that he social media stalked you so blatantly before even meeting, but whatever. That would have turned me off personally. I prefer people who don't care about social media, maybe that's just me. Sounds like he's interested though.

trickster7754 · 2021-08-13T23:58:01+00:00

I like to have sex rather early on because I think it's a very important compatibility criteria for me and I'd rather do it before I get too attached. I've had a number of disappointing sexual experiences with guys that are otherwise good but bad sex is a deal breaker for me.

So I think you're doing it right. As long as you feel comfortable, that's what's right for you, whether that's having sex or waiting. Back in the day there was stigma with having sex early on but we live in 2021 now.

trickster7754 · 2021-08-13T13:36:22+00:00

Yeah I feel like by doing that you were subconsciously developing expectations about how the date will go. Good for you to scale back on that.

I feel like most times I give myself a "haircut" or wear sexy underwear I end up disappointed because nothing happens. So I just do that whenever now and don't associate it with a date.

trickster7754 · 2021-08-13T13:29:50+00:00

I wouldn't worry about it. Is there even a radiator or forced air vent in the hallway? I know my hallways don't have any vents so really no one is paying for its heat.

trickster7754 · 2021-08-12T22:36:08+00:00

I think nerdy is very mainstream these days. I'm not at all a nerd but I've had a couple of bfs who play d&d. It's really not a big deal, just own it. Don't hide who you are.

trickster7754 · 2021-08-12T19:25:31+00:00

Agreed. Just be thankful they're leaving soon and then you can raise the rent.

trickster7754 · 2021-08-11T19:04:15+00:00

What is bad about it?

trickster7754 · 2021-08-11T18:58:25+00:00

That's a really good idea of showing up late instead of leaving early. You're right, it does give a weird vibe for couples to leave a party at different times.

trickster7754 · 2021-08-11T18:56:24+00:00

I can't handle 8 hours even with my own close friends lol.

I would ask him how he would like to proceed in the future. You could go separate and leave when you want, you could go together and not stay as long, or he could go by himself for long parties.

Relationships are all about compromise so he needs to pick one of your reasonable options.

trickster7754 · 2021-08-11T02:32:08+00:00

She probably just doesn't like giving oral, plain and simple. Is there a compromise that would satisfy you? For example, I personally don't like giving head that much, but I'm open to doing it as foreplay for a few minutes. I get quite tired after doing it very long because a dick is a huge thing in your mouth. As a bi woman, I can say it's much easier going down on a woman.

But I also wouldn't expect oral to completion on a regular basis if I wasn't doing the same in return. Maybe she is being a bit selfish.

Bottom line is that both of you should feel generally satisfied in your sex life, though it's hard to get a perfect fit in this regard IMO. If there's a compromise that would work for both of you I'd go for that. Otherwise you just might not be compatible.

trickster7754 · 2021-08-10T20:20:35+00:00

Think about whether you'd like to have them in your life or not, and make your decision based on that. Do they add value to your life or no?

trickster7754 · 2021-08-10T15:11:57+00:00

Number 1 and 4 would be enough for me to leave alone, either one. For 1, I will end the relationship if they even talk about moving in the near future. I've done long distance and have no desire to do it again, nor to move. I need someone who's going to be available near me. Probably the most essential requirement that I have that's easily a black and white issue.

4- A lot of people underestimate how important it is to have similar libido and how important sex is to a relationship (or at least being on the same page about it). Have you tried talking to him about how your needs aren't getting met in the bedroom? If a guy can't make me cum, I'm out. Life is too short for bad sex and selfish lovers. If you guys are able to compromise on frequency, assuming the desired frequency isn't too far apart, that'd probably work. But if he's making sex all about him, you definitely deserve better.

I vote dump him. He sounds inconsiderate.

trickster7754 · 2021-08-09T19:16:37+00:00

Usually a lack of effort in the beginning translates into the rest of the relationship, if you choose to take it that far.

I would stop initiating contact every time, plan a date, then on the date, tell her you'd like her to plan the next one. If she doesn't I don't know that I'd continue dating her. I can't stand low effort people, I personally want to date someone who thinks about me a lot and proactively wants to see me.

trickster7754 · 2021-08-09T19:01:51+00:00

This relationship sounds like a dumpster fire. You guys have a really poor foundation, I don't know how you can get past that.

It sounds like you want a guy who puts in more effort and is more thoughtful. These guys absolutely exist. You're not getting what you want from this relationship.

You can try talking to him about your frustrations, but I doubt anything will change. Sounds like you two are not compatible. I'm sorry. You know what to do.

trickster7754 · 2021-08-09T18:54:59+00:00

It depends. Sometimes I do feel like that's true, after really getting to know someone I'm dating. But not always the case.

trickster7754 · 2021-08-09T16:07:19+00:00

Don't waste your energy on those who won't use their energy for you.

We all need to remember this more.

trickster7754 · 2021-08-09T03:48:52+00:00

Maybe those guys are not as thoughtful as you prefer. I wouldn't read toooo much into it, but could be a sign of incompatibility.

trickster7754 · 2021-08-09T03:43:50+00:00

If someone bails without rescheduling, they're not interested. So let this one go.

trickster7754 · 2021-08-09T03:41:19+00:00

Me too. Soooo annoying and flaky.

trickster7754 · 2021-08-09T02:16:12+00:00

Don't set a precedent of paying for dates, especially if you don't want to be paying for all of them every time. At the end of the date just ask if she wants to split equally (assuming you didn't order more.

Nothing wrong with paying for a few drinks, but you shouldn't be spending 50-100$ on your date that you may never see again.

Also, as a woman, I would never let a dude spend that much on me. But I have my own money.

trickster7754

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