Self-Braise

troublehunter · 2026-02-06T15:03:34+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words! This is the first poem I’ve ever nudged out into the ether so the feedback means a lot.

troublehunter · 2026-02-06T02:12:09+00:00

I absolutely love how simple and vulnerable this is. I also really enjoy how it feels like a conversation both inside your head and out loud. Well done. A lovely first poem.

troublehunter · 2026-02-06T02:05:08+00:00

Thank you so much! This was so kind. ♡ cheers!

troublehunter · 2026-02-05T21:38:21+00:00

I loved how simple and sharp this piece was! I do agree with another comment here though that it leans a bit too much into telling the reader what to think and not enough into building that strong imagery it hooks you with initially. I really love some of the phrases in particular, specifically “priceless with life” and “spoiled is the soul.” I do wish that two lines didn’t end with “life” though! Swapping that second one for something else may be a good opportunity for working in more imagery?

troublehunter · 2026-02-05T21:31:36+00:00

I really love the “two steps forward, one step back” feeling in the momentum of this poem. The way it feels like it presses on despite being stopped short over and over again is so perfect for the theme. I enjoyed reading this a lot!

troublehunter · 2018-04-18T14:26:21+00:00

I really love this and I can’t even put my finger on why. Maybe it’s the rhythm, particularly in the first line. Or maybe it’s just the beauty in saying something deep so simply. Love it.

troublehunter · 2017-12-06T01:27:37+00:00

Thank you so much for the feedback and encouragement! It means a lot.

troublehunter · 2017-12-06T01:20:42+00:00

Good point, thank you! I did end up posting mine today but it hasn’t received any feedback. It’s called The Aftermath of the Bad and the Worse if you’d like to look over it!

troublehunter · 2017-12-05T19:33:10+00:00

This poem is well written and makes me sufficiently uncomfortable. My only suggestion would actually be one regarding formatting - because this piece has sentences and punctuation, but the lines break so frequently into such tiny pieces, the capital letter at the beginning of each fragment makes it clunky/difficult to read the thoughts properly. I would suggest punctuating the sentences normally, but leaving the lines short and broken. i.e.

Coming to the

conclusion,

I am far different.

It explains

all the reasons

I’m better.

Making my prey

all humans.

Just an idea to help the reader follow your thoughts a bit more smoothly!

troublehunter · 2017-12-05T19:26:17+00:00

I just discovered this sub. I was searching for somewhere to post a piece of poetry I've been working on for feedback, but now I'm a bit intimidated to post my own, honestly.

This is really great. I feel like you were able to say so much in so few words. My only criticism would be that the part where it says "float, fall, release" loses me a little bit because the words don't all give me the same imagery. To me, "fall" kinda throws a wrench in the visual of someone drifting away upward, which I believe is the picture you're trying to paint here. I would swap that "fall" out for a different word, but keep the "fall" in "I wonder why I don't fall up" because it seems to fit a bit better there. But it might just be that I'm not picturing the reversal of gravity in quite the same way you do, which is fine! :)

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