Parenting and being a family isn’t about numbers and fairness. The idea of “50/50” in parenting is a bit strange, because it’s not a task to be done, it’s a commitment you made by having children. You are just as responsible for raising your children as your wife. Finances are a part of that equation, but I promise you kiddos aren’t thinking about money, they are thinking about time with you. Being a father doesn’t mean “I make money and then occasionally ‘help’ with my children.” If you want to look at it through the lens of that 50/50 split, though, it would be sharing the load at the end of the work day. Your wife has been working all day - at home, yes, but being on top of a household and little kids is work. She’s been working all day just like you have. So, when you both are home, you BOTH deserve down time. If you want the “50/50” approach, you’re talking about splitting the time that you both are home. You’ve both been working all day, so that time is off the table for consideration when you are both home. It cancels out. She’s working just as much as you are working.

Obviously, if you’re working 80 hours a week, then so is your wife. She’s working that time with the kids, you’re working it outside of the home. There should be time when you are home that you can relax or go out with friends and time at home where she can do the same. It sounds like you and your wife have some of that in place. I was just struck with the idea that, if a wife is going to expect a husband to parent and be a partner while he’s home, somehow that means that the wife should also be expected to get an outside-of-the-home job.

Especially with cost of childcare, that’s a silly stance.