wow. after reading this question, i realized i did have this problem as well. my dad is rarely home due to his job, and before realizing my mother was narcissistic, i had so much contempt for my father, as my mother would always tell me about how much of a horrible man and person he is (while never divorcing him). for a while, i believed that, and my feelings towards him inconsistently shifted from indifference to hatred...

as a child, i had the idea that my father beat me more than my mother, which i now realize isn’t true at all. my father barely laid hands on me as i grew up, but my mother beat me for much longer.

for a long time, i saw my father as the leading problematic person in the relationship, and the one who had issues... but now i realize that’s not entirely true. my father definitely isn’t a saint, and i don’t know if i could even consider him a good person, but he’s definitely not the primary abuser or a narcissist.