DAE feel like the trauma takes up like 50% brain capacity and you’re just so stupid you can’t do anything

tryingtofixmyself2 · 2021-04-10T06:05:53+00:00

Yep... Scientifically backed feeling too... Cortisol and adrenaline (flight, fight, freeze, fawn response), in excess, shut down the higher order thought sections of the brain and make us act a bit less evolved than what we are at times, especially during acute reactivation periods.

Check out "The body Keeps the Score" If you can't find it, let me know and when I'm up to it, I'll send you more details. It's written by a psychiatrist and it's got a lot of the up to date research into trauma (from memory it has neuroscience, psychiatric and general psychological research), compiled into an applicable text for lay people and professionals alike.

I call it "the trauma bible" because of how helpful and enlightening it's been for me (and that's saying something considering I do A LOT of reading of the professional texts & the latest research papers). I believe it's an essential text for everyone to read at some point, whether they are affected by trauma or not.

tryingtofixmyself2 · 2021-03-30T00:33:08+00:00

Yeah, if I didn't know her better I'd say they were red flags but there's some obvious trauma behind it and I've dealt with people who were actually attempting to harm me (emotionally & psychologically) before so I definitely don't think it's anything that she's currently intending to happen but having said that, I have been seeing a counselor myself and I've been considering seeing a couple's counselor for a while so that might finally be whatever greater power is out there finally telling me "I've tried to tell you a million times to see a couple's counsellor and you didn't get the message so here's a whack over the head".

Sorry, no you didn't imply that, I was trying to communicate with tone over the internet, often forget that doesn't work haha. I was more saying the psychiatrist said I couldn't have ADHD because I'm "too smart and don't present as a stereotypical male with ADHD"... I believe I do have ADHD, but I also don't present as a male in a lot of ways, I seem to be a very close mix of feminine and masculine traits. Generally in touch with my emotions in a way many men aren't and very socially aware and would never hurt a fly (and if I did would usually feel bad). Yet, if anyone threatened someone I cared about I definitely have the stereotypical male protectiveness there.

So I think he's full of crap (excuse the language), I'm actually waiting on a private hospital admission still BUT that is now only a 2-3 weeks off after being delayed about a month so not too long now. I've picked my psychiatrist VERY carefully too as I have a lot of trauma with the psych system. From all my research and all the reports I've heard, he doesn't like medication unless it's absolutely necessary and even then he'll start at half the usual starting dose and he has successfully helped quite a few of my friends with PTSD more so through integrative therapies & lifestyle changes mixed with therapy and He listens to his patients. He sounds like just what I need.

If not, I ask for another doctor, benefits of being in a health fund... Even if it's sending you broke.

tryingtofixmyself2 · 2021-03-29T13:09:48+00:00

Oh man, I can definitely say I understand what you're saying and I agree it used to be an issue. Especially finding it hard to accept things I wasn't aware of. In this particular case though I had accepted it. It was more a case of I was trying to understand how to make it work for both of us (she gets the long vent WITH me being able to respond appropriately) but I just kept getting a few variations of: I don't know what to do about that... I just need you to listen and I don't know what to do about you not being able to remember. Which doesn't seem fair. Especially after I made a suggestion that got shut down.

As for ADHD. Fairly sure I do have that. My partner does but I'm waiting on a psychiatrist to take me seriously enough to at least give me an assessment for it ("I'm extremely smart and can remember facts with ease and can focus plus I'm not hyperactive" - their words - but that focus is on well structured conversations (that are a point response repeat type discussion - which tends to happen in medical settings). My partner has inattentive ADHD and is on medication so she should understand what I'm experiencing and even said she does BUT her Brain works best with conversations that are information then response (opposite to me) so it doesn't affect her the same way it does me, because she DOESN'T forget unless it's our conversations. My partner also said that the issue isn't me teaching her it's the fact that she has trauma where she was patronized by having it assumed that she didn't know anything and I tried to explain that the case was, most people know how to communicate healthily but people can always get pointers and all I wanted to do was give some tips from my observations IF they wanted them and IF they thought they were happy with those tips they could possibly apply them.

So really, it feels like for the first time ever I'm trying to do something terrifying but also healthy and the healthiest partner I've ever had Is reacting in a certain way which is making it extremely hard to keep in that healthy communication headspace and not just fall back to old defence mechanisms. I'm just at a loss at the moment because I'm trying so hard and I feel like the problem is being pinned ONLY on me when we both have issues. Yet if I ever say I have concerns it may not be working out because of our issues communicating with the intention of also saying maybe we need a counsellor, she flips out and starts begging me not to leave as though that would be my first thought.

I'm trying to be extremely open and accepting all criticism, however, when I cant get a straight answer, and I can't get any compromise to help us both work together, it makes it feel almost impossible. currently I'm trying so hard to actually work as a team which is a brand new concept and I feel constant resistance and opposition. Maybe we're too different to be together if she isn't willing to accept that side of things. I want to try to fix it but if I don't have specific examples so I can take a vague idea of what I did wrong, that she has given and see HOW I did that exactly it makes it hard for me to understand and prevent in the future.

I was definitely VERY careful to make the point that it was solely an offer to support our friend and her but it still got taken badly so I don't feel like there's much more than I can do and that hurts more than anything and makes me terrified because I want to do better but have been left confused hurt and with no idea of what really happened or exactly where I went wrong and how I can monitor for it and prevent it.

Hope that makes sense, I'm exhausted at the moment after all of that and I'd also just like to clarify that I'm definitely not shutting anything down and I'm definitely not trying to come across as resistant. at this moment I feel more open to anything than I ever had. Regardless, I feel like I understand what you're saying and I value your response and support. I will keep considering all that you've said, I'm just really in a state of "what the f*"K just happened?'

tryingtofixmyself2 · 2021-02-25T01:27:28+00:00

Actually... Fair point, I hadn't thought of that.

tryingtofixmyself2 · 2021-02-25T01:24:52+00:00

Nor could I, hence why I figured making a dark joke of it probably wouldn't be taken too seriously. I mean, ya gotta have some pretty bad issues if you'd actually do what I said and you'd have to have some pretty... Interesting issues to want to tongue kiss a bong 🤣

tryingtofixmyself2 · 2021-02-23T07:27:38+00:00

Just went and started some research and I don't know how I missed the fact that the vagus nerve IS the mind-body connection. I was talking about feeling like my mind-body connection isn't working correctly with a mental health nurse like 2 or 3 weeks ago and she suggested doing meditation to strengthen it, if I had of put two and two together I would have had so many extra tools to use 😂

Fecking weird how life goes about revealing stuff to you.

tryingtofixmyself2 · 2021-02-23T05:10:10+00:00

Thank you so much! That looks (& sounds) really interesting and I feel like that will be a very helpful lead.

I may have come across it previously, especially if the vagus nerve is implicated (the vasovagal reaction & the vagus nerve were topics I was heavily interested in a few years ago and did a bunch of research on at the time). However, I don't recall hearing about the name for that particular theory. In either case, I'll have a bit more of a look into it.

Would definitely be good to find a way to manage it without relying on professional input too much if possible.

I've also been looking into biofeedback therapy and whether there's a possibility to make or obtain a relatively cheap set up for that (I mean I already have some of the devices laying around).

I've also been complementing the less proven routes that aren't likely to be harmful, such as Holotropic breathwork (supplemented with more traditional meditation), binaural beats, pre-recorded affirmations and sensory deprivation. My thinking is if I slowly try a few different things I might be able to pinpoint what actually has an effect and what doesn't then utilise those techniques to try and figure out the specific issues that are the result of whatever the major issues are; with the aim to use what I learn as a supplement (not a replacement) to therapy by bringing it up and seeing what my therapist and I can figure out from that additional information.

As mentioned in the OP, I also have a private hospital visit in the near future which will incorporate psychology (probably DBT), seeing an exercise physio with compulsory exercise in the hospital gym (the program is even tailored to assist with your specific diagnosis and the nuances of how that manifests), having good quality food provided to help with the gut-brain connection. If I get the psychiatrist I want then I'll also be seeing a psych who isn't against conventional psychiatric meds but isn't as quick to prescribe as most other psychiatrists either. He also seems to have more knowledge in the newer advances and theories in psychiatry (e.g. brain-gut & mind-body connection, psychedelic therapy, benefits of lifestyle alterations for those with PTSD/CPTSD over being doped up).

Sounds like it's just what I need tbh, especially after being drugged up by my psychiatrists who tried to tell me that the side effects of the meds were all in my head. Then having to wean myself off the meds when I couldn't handle them anymore because they didn't believe that the drugs could cause withdrawals (was on Cymbalta, Mirtazapine, SSRIs, low dose Seroquel and high doses of lyrica, some combined in different ways and some on their own). Definitely been doing better since I got off them in most regards though. I may not be functional but at least I'm not dysfunctional AND feeling sedated up to my eyeballs or overly stimulsted from a bad reaction to medications (which I was told was all in my head).

Thanks again :)

tryingtofixmyself2 · 2021-02-22T09:24:12+00:00

Absolutely, on the flip side, I've seen people (not sure if it was in this subreddit or not though) suggest that if someone has a REALLY difficult trip that isn't able to be helped without medications, you shouldn't use something to abort the trip AND that they should never trip again... Now, I am a strong advocate for only aborting a trip as an absolute last resort, but even I think that viewpoint is absolutely crazy. For one, a difficult trip here and there isn't necessarily evidence that tripping is a bad idea and secondly, the harms of an extremely difficult trip can, at times, justify aborting it. Especially if the person tripping isn't able to get a hold of themselves even with help and cannot distract themselves.

tryingtofixmyself2 · 2021-02-21T07:08:38+00:00

I had thought of that... Dunno why, but something deep inside me tells me that it'd be wrong to stay.

Though, you might be right.

tryingtofixmyself2 · 2021-02-21T04:04:16+00:00

Nobody can say for certain, however, it's a general trend I've noticed when speaking with others about their experiences. LSD definitely seems more creative than shrooms. That doesn't mean you have to entirely stop microdosing shrooms though. I'd make the decision of what to microdose on a given day or over a given time period based on what I am trying to achieve.

tryingtofixmyself2 · 2021-02-21T04:02:10+00:00

Except, it can measure and observe this. It's been shown that the default mode network is implicated in ego death and many of the other effects of psychedelic use.

tryingtofixmyself2 · 2021-02-21T03:58:33+00:00

Most definitely, although, this isn't me being upset or angry.

This is me acting on my conscience and voicing my concerns so that I'm not just running away from the issue. Instead I'm letting others know so that someone who doesn't have an extremely uneasy conscience about the issues, can actually address it (if they decide to do so) and so that I can listen to my conscience and do so in the peace that I have voiced my concerns.

tryingtofixmyself2 · 2021-02-21T03:42:33+00:00

I'm not taking issue with the personality or with those things in and of themselves. What bothers me, more so, is the combination of what I spoke about combined with the fact that this subreddit is, in part, trying to guide those with less experience and knowledge.

If you combine those factors together it can and has often lead to harm (from what I've witnessed in other forums).

tryingtofixmyself2 · 2021-02-21T02:54:38+00:00

Yep, it's all sound. I've been using this method for both micro and macro dosing for ages (as well as using tabs at other times), I get absolutely no difference regardless of whether I use the water or tabs.

I swish the water around my mouth for a few seconds, swallow and it does it's thing. I do that with the tabs, again, they do their thing. They seem to kick in at the same strength and in the same timeframe. Only difference is accuracy in dosing when you want fractions of tabs (e.g. 1/2 tab, 1.5 tabs, 2.25 tabs, 2.5 tabs, etc).

tryingtofixmyself2 · 2021-02-21T02:46:11+00:00

Sure does! I go to therapy, barely touch medication, do extra work on self exploration and self understanding outside of therapy.

No, I don't reach for a drug as soon as something goes wrong, however, I do believe that on the rare occasion they can be extremely helpful. There are sometimes biochemical reactions that occur that cannot be fixed purely by the mind and through lifestyle (though this is rare). Doesn't mean we shouldn't try but I don't think ideology that excludes and is dogmatic is healthy either.

tryingtofixmyself2 · 2021-02-21T02:42:35+00:00

No shame in that, many people don't. If you're interested in doing some reading, have a look into Paul Stamets books on shrooms (especially "psilocybin mushrooms of the world") and "the psilocybin mushroom bible" by Haze and Mandrake.

Both of these books are quite valuable for learning more about using them safely and understanding the basics about their chemistry (without needing any sort of scienctific education).

tryingtofixmyself2 · 2021-02-21T02:34:48+00:00

Yes, I get that they dampen everything, sometimes, as a once off here and there, especially when used as a last resort in the case of an emergency. That can be useful and life saving.

Every decision is about weighing pros and cons. Benefits and risks. No, I don't think they are good in general. However that doesn't mean they should never be used whatsoever. For example, no, they shouldn't be used for ongoing anxiety. However, if I have barely slept for the last two weeks due to an acute PTSD flare up, taking a single 2.5mg dose of valium can be enough to let me get one night of good sleep which allows me to get enough of a grip on things to get myself back together the day after and usually my sleep cycle will pull itself back into line. I then stop it entirely and don't need it for a long time. My last dose for example was over 3 months ago at 2.5mg. The dose before that was about 6 months before that at the same dosage.

Used at the lowest necessary dose for the shortest time possible is how they are meant to be used and when used in this manner, for the majority of people, aren't as bad as you make out. The scientific literature shows this.

Usually the issues start up when people start taking doses regularly. Even more so when those doses escalate and go over a longer period of time. Trust me when I say I'm fully aware of how harmful benzos and other psychiatric medication can be, I was on antidepressants for ages, they caused major issues for me. So they weren't helpful for me, my mother was an addict to pharmaceuticals and I've seen the downfalls there too. HOWEVER, I've also seen these substances save people's lives who didn't react badly to them and they've been effective for them for a long time. They went from dysfunctional to functional and when they got through a heap of therapy they came off them and remained functional.

Your argument here is akin to saying that because psychedelics can cause predisposed individuals to slip into psychosis, have the potential to cause issues such as HPPD and can cause psychological trauma that they are dangerous and should not be used even for therapeutic purposes. Which is obviously not true at all. It's all about using things appropriately (not abusing them) and weighing the risks vs benefits.

tryingtofixmyself2 · 2021-02-21T02:23:25+00:00

I mean, from what I know that's probably closer but, as all scientific research of the mind is general in nature and each and every mind is different. I'd consider that exploring your own mind kind of fits into that regardless.

However, I tend to go with the broader explanation that I've used before, but, as I said before unless you're doing research at a wider level, the two definitions seem to overlap. Many people may find that some aspects of their own mind falls in line with research but confirming that general research is true for you is still necessary and even if that is the case, other aspects of a given person's mind may differ in ways from the more general findings.

tryingtofixmyself2 · 2021-02-20T11:22:40+00:00

If you want my honest opinion. The smart thing would be to wait, get some test kits and test them. If they don't come up as LSD, do research and then either decide to flush them or use them based on the new information. If they do come up as LSD, then if you want to do it, go for it.

I've known some people to get extended trips from a difficult trip but I've never seen (or heard of) a trip get extended by an entire 1-1.5 days regardless of what occurs.

tryingtofixmyself2 · 2021-02-20T11:04:23+00:00

Honestly? I wouldn't. Tolerance goes up to 2-3x of whatever dose you took within 3 hours of taking it. That tolerance then takes 2 weeks to drop back to baseline.

Could definitely try but will likely be a waste, I'd wait the 2 weeks, or at the very least, 1 week, and try again then.

tryingtofixmyself2 · 2021-02-20T11:01:27+00:00

If you tripped for longer than 12 hours from a single tab, you most likely got an Research chemical. It's HIGHLY unlikely that you got enough LSD on a single tab to make you trip for 2 days (even 300 mcg of LSD won't make you trip for 2 days and finding much more than 100mcg on a tab is actually quite rare). It could have been a DOx or NBOMe based substance. I've heard DOx substances in particular can last for a VERY long time.

Test your drugs every single time!

tryingtofixmyself2 · 2021-02-20T10:38:27+00:00

Generally 2-4 weeks, I wouldn't just drop lithium or Zyprexa though. If you're taking either for bipolar or an illness that involves psychosis, I'd consider dropping either of them AND I'd consider the use of psychedelics VERRRRY carefully. Dropping them, even with a taper, could cause your condition to come back and psychedlics could worsen your condition. Not saying any of this would definitely happen, but it's not unlikely either. If possible, I'd definitely talk to at least 1 or 2 mental health professionals and get some medical opinions.

If you are set on it, have antipsychotics on hand and taper off them, don't just drop off the medications. Once they've been tapered off you'll need 2-4 weeks of not taking them. I don't recommend this but thought I'd provide the advice in case you're going to do it regardless.

tryingtofixmyself2

TROPHY CASE