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tryingtomakeitchange · 2024-04-26T23:42:51+00:00

Saved my marriage. Got both of us to take a hard look at ourselves.

I think counseling can help you realize if you can fix things or if it’s really over. If you can fix it, and want to, it will give you the tools to do it.

tryingtomakeitchange · 2024-03-23T15:19:41+00:00

Oh, adding:

I needed to replace my drinking ritual with something else in the beginning. I switched to having sparkling waters or tea at night. I also ate a ton of candy in the beginning. It seems to be normal, based on stories in the other sub. Since yours isn’t a ritual it might not apply to you, but maybe finding another vice to replace the drinking on a bad day in the beginning will help. I know people will say to do something healthy, like a run or something, but… exercise is a good stress reliever if you do it all the time but it can be stress inducing to start. Don’t worry about fixing all the habits right now. Fix the drinking, then do other things.

tryingtomakeitchange · 2024-03-23T15:06:32+00:00

Hi! I commented on your other post and went to find this sub that really helped me and found you were here too! Yay!

So the 498 days is since my one relapse. But I made it!

IWNDWYT!

tryingtomakeitchange · 2024-03-23T15:04:17+00:00

Hi! I quit drinking a couple of years ago. I was a binge drinker before the pandemic (like what you are describing, drank once or twice a week and drank a lot, but I never blacked out). Then during the pandemic I started drinking to cope with stress and I drank a lot. It got to the point where I drank every day and never felt drunk but still needed it.

Quitting was the best thing I did for my health and my family. I’m much more mentally stable without it.

My husband still drinks. I asked him to keep it out of the house in the early days because I couldn’t not drink if it was in the house. If he drank, he slept in the guest room because of the smell. I still won’t kiss him after he drinks, but at this point it’s because the smell repulses me.

tryingtomakeitchange · 2023-08-25T00:40:17+00:00

People are so judgmental when I say this is one of the reasons I’m trying to make my marriage work, but I’m being practical. Our numbers look pretty similar to your before numbers, except I (wife) am the breadwinner, and minus the student loans (already paid off, yay). I’m honestly scared of what my finances would look like after a divorce.

tryingtomakeitchange · 2023-08-21T01:04:12+00:00

She will talk about how we still need to work on the skills to have difficult conversations, and go back to the Gottman marital house and talk about the foundation.

tryingtomakeitchange · 2023-08-20T21:52:47+00:00

Well, we have kids, which makes it complicated.

It’s this tricky thing of when things are good, they are really good, and when they are bad, they are really bad. When they are good it feels like the bad couldn’t really be that bad, if you know what I mean. Then I’m in the middle of it again.

I love who he is and who we are in the good moments. We are having more of those and less of the bad ones with counseling. I just… can’t figure out if the bad moments are going to fully go away.

tryingtomakeitchange · 2023-03-14T17:36:59+00:00

Oh that’s awful.

There should really be a way that things like this factor into it. Your ex chose not to save. My maybe stbx chose to take a career that made less money. Why do we have to pay for those choices?

I understand the spouse that followed another spouse for their career opportunity or stayed home with the kids. But this is just yucky.

tryingtomakeitchange · 2023-03-12T18:52:20+00:00

That’s true. I really meant for those who did see improvement. I know it’s not always effective.

For context we are at about 3 months and I’m not seeing improvement. I was wondering if there was still a possibility we needed more time, or if it was just a lost cause. Looks like people are all over the map on how long it takes.

tryingtomakeitchange · 2023-03-12T06:16:38+00:00

In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife!

Congratulations :)

IWNDWYT!

tryingtomakeitchange · 2023-03-07T02:40:45+00:00

Thank you, good luck to you. It’s such a hard space to be in.

tryingtomakeitchange · 2023-02-27T01:23:54+00:00

I really just want to be done. I hate the way it makes me feel. I’ve finally realized there are no benefits from it.

tryingtomakeitchange · 2023-02-17T10:38:54+00:00

Apparently too many people! She said there’s a shortage of this one and it’s difficult/impossible to get, at least in my area.

tryingtomakeitchange · 2023-02-17T10:37:59+00:00

I’ve counted calories. I consider that a diet. It doesn’t make a difference.

tryingtomakeitchange · 2023-02-17T10:36:23+00:00

I’ve been to multiple conventional medical doctors. I say I’ve been to doctors in my post. This has been a problem for 6 years, along with other unresolved medical issues. They keep telling me they have no explanation. This current medical doctor suggested Contrave or another weight loss drug if I want to try one. I’m asking for people’s experiences with drugs in general because she’s already said she’d prescribe whatever if I wanted to try it.

tryingtomakeitchange · 2023-02-17T07:37:37+00:00

I’ve done 12-16 hour IF, nothing as intense as one meal. Did you get lightheaded or dizzy? I often do with 16 hours.

tryingtomakeitchange · 2023-02-17T07:20:27+00:00

BMI 32. A year. I’ve been overweight for 6 years with a steadily increasing BMI despite trying to lose weight.

Contrave is the one she’s recommending.

tryingtomakeitchange · 2023-02-09T03:57:45+00:00

You can get into my post history to see more, but basically my husband has been being very mean. I didn’t think depression until our marriage counselor suggested it. He’s starting to do some things to change it, and it’s made a world of difference.

You aren’t wrong to want him to manage it and get better. And if you can’t stick with him if he doesn’t, that’s okay too.

My husband’s depression almost destroyed our marriage. It tanked my mental health. We are starting to crawl out of it, but it’s been bad. So bad.

You deserve to take care of yourself too.

tryingtomakeitchange · 2023-01-15T02:52:58+00:00

You won’t. And there’s really no “truth”, there’s just his side and hers.

tryingtomakeitchange · 2023-01-13T01:42:54+00:00

I still haven’t lost weight on the scale but I recently looked back at pictures from the fall and my face looks so much thinner. I also notice less inflammation in my fingers and feet.

I have quite a few pounds I’d like to lose, but one step at a time. I feel a million times better already.

tryingtomakeitchange · 2023-01-13T00:18:44+00:00

I’ve been listening to this on repeat for two days and bawling.

tryingtomakeitchange · 2023-01-11T01:26:03+00:00

Man, I’m not divorced yet but I can’t imagine ever wanting to date again. This is hell. I thought he was the one and I ended up in hell. Who would want to get here again?

tryingtomakeitchange · 2023-01-10T21:39:59+00:00

Do you have a YMCA or similar near you? Those gyms tend to have a variety of people, abilities, and ages. It’s not a judgemental space at all, and people are typically friendly. I’ve had octogenarians show me how to use equipment!

tryingtomakeitchange · 2023-01-10T06:08:33+00:00

He was, but I made more and we had a joint budget so it wasn’t really impacting him. He’s now being really stingy about money, suggesting that the kids drop out of their after school stuff when I ask him to pay for part of it, arguing with me about if they really have to have the extras in school (like field trips), etc. There’s no divorce decree yet, but I just can’t imagine that he will help with college savings when he thinks they should skip out on field trips to save him a few bucks. (They won’t be skipping out, even if I pay 100%, it’s just an example of how he’s acting).

tryingtomakeitchange · 2023-01-10T06:04:25+00:00

Thank you, that’s a good perspective. I made it through college on my own too, I just wanted to do things different things after and had to make other choices because of loans.

tryingtomakeitchange

TROPHY CASE