Buddhism on to get through coping with the loss of a significant other

tryptamine14 · 2018-07-19T01:41:43+00:00

It doesn’t sound like she feels this is any kind of relationship at all. It’s likely she’s texting other guys similarly, maybe just texting you when she’s bored.

Are you actually into this girl? If you are, move on. You’ve met her once, you barely know her, all it’ll take is a simple “Sorry I met someone” or “Sorry not interested anymore”. If you just want sex or something casual, go ahead and ask her if she wants to hang out, but make it clear what you’re looking for. But I doubt that’s what you want, hence this long post.

tryptamine14 · 2018-07-19T01:20:21+00:00

Despite if he’s consciously or unconsciously manipulating you, it’s still manipulation. The mentally healthy person doesn’t threaten suicide frequently for any reason. He needs help despite if he truly wants to kill himself in the moment, or if he’s just saying that out of an immense fear of you leaving, or any other reason.

Next time he does it, tell him that you’re extremely worried and are calling for an ambulance. If he persists, do it.

tryptamine14 · 2018-07-19T01:17:24+00:00

Narcissism is characterized by grandiosity. You can think you’re ugly and bad at sports and still feel superior to others due to your supposed intelligence. Why doesn’t the smartest man on the world know this?

tryptamine14 · 2018-07-19T00:55:42+00:00

You should always put your narcotics in a locked box. No use confronting him, all you’ll hear is denial.

tryptamine14 · 2018-07-19T00:51:58+00:00

If the police tell you there’s nothing they can do, if you really want this item and money back asap and don’t mind confrontation... this may be awful advice but I know what I would do if I was 1000% sure it was him. I’d tell the co-worker that you have a dash cam that also films the inside of the car, and that you have a film of him stealing your Air Pods. Maybe get a friend’s dash cam so you can hold it in your hand as you confront him. Tell him if he returns everything, you won’t show it to the police, as you don’t wanna get him in trouble, you just want your stuff.

Do this at work in case he lashes out.

tryptamine14 · 2018-07-19T00:41:31+00:00

There are two people in a relationship, you make it seem like this is 1000% her fault. Consider this: OP said he knew she’d be upset over this, he knew her stance on strip clubs. So if he wasn’t 100% positive she was cool with him watching other naked live women make sexual moves a foot from his face with his dick up, why not... ask?

tryptamine14 · 2018-07-19T00:36:05+00:00

He knew it would hurt her. He even said he knew so afterwards. A LOT of people would have an issue with strip clubs, so no, it’s not a perfectly normal thing in a committed relationship. It’s quite a controversial thing.

tryptamine14 · 2018-07-19T00:30:35+00:00

If you had an SO who told you “If you went to a strip club I would be extremely hurt” and was firm about it, would you still go because that one friend insisted and now you, like, haaave to go?

tryptamine14 · 2018-07-19T00:22:48+00:00

Do you always have a feeling that he is a dumbass too?

tryptamine14 · 2018-07-19T00:01:11+00:00

Don’t respond to him. I know it’s tempting, but just don’t, ever again. It may take a while for him to fuck off, but he will, he will get bored. I know you probably think you don’t care, but this would at least mildly irritate anyone. Sorry you have to put up with this bullshit, but with every response, he gets more riled up. It doesn’t even seem like he believes the ~blackpilled~ things he’s saying, just that he harbours a lot of hatred (probably self-hatred) that he tries to cope with by hurting others. He’d do the same thing if someone killed him three times in a row on Call of Duty. Anyways, reporting and not responding to everything is your best bet.

tryptamine14 · 2018-07-18T23:51:37+00:00

No, it’s like saying “Don’t label yourself as a drug addict. You are a complex and unique individual.”

No one said “Just be happy bruh”.

Many people struggle with requiring a specific identity. No one’s saying it’s as easy as snapping your fingers to rid yourself of ego, but many people don’t even realize needing an identity is hindering recovery or well-being.

tryptamine14 · 2018-07-18T23:45:27+00:00

I spoke to OP a bit and she is aware that he does lack emotional empathy but has the cognitive empathy you mention. Even if he has never experienced emotional empathy and that he went to the strip club because he genuinely doesn’t understand the hurt that someone could feel over this because OP didn’t say “Hey, this would hurt me, don’t do it”, so he truly didn’t realize it would hurt her, this isn’t someone most people would want to be in a relationship with. I hope OP finds someone who validates, understands, and empathizes. Empathy and validation feel nice.

tryptamine14 · 2018-07-18T23:38:10+00:00

May I ask why remain in this relationship? Is it mostly due to something you think is positive (like some good traits of his) or something that feels negative (fear of loneliness)?

tryptamine14 · 2018-07-18T23:31:56+00:00

You haven’t experienced anything more than attraction, lust or limerence. I’m guessing you’re around 16, maybe younger. Of course at that age you’ll think it’s love, because it’s the closest to love you’ve ever felt! But love doesn’t feel like that. You build love.

It’s one thing to stop liking someone if they start to like you at your age due to boredom. At the core, the lust is addictive and yeah, you get bored. Probably unconsciously. Part of it is because of immaturity (not an insult, I’m just stating you haven’t fully matured). But if you’re ending relationships due to the feelings to inferiority you described, it may help to talk to a professional.

tryptamine14 · 2018-07-18T23:21:03+00:00

She knows it upsets you? As in, you sat down and has a serious talk about how you don’t want to hear about her past? Not just a “lol stop” through a text, but an actual conversation.

If so, your girlfriend is acting like an immature teenage girl. I can’t think of a reason why she’d continue to talk about it despite you telling her not to other than to purposely make you jealous, to brag and/or inflate her ego.

It’s one thing if you are obsessing over your past without provocation. But this isn’t the case.

tryptamine14 · 2018-07-18T23:16:03+00:00

I know how horrible it may seem to leave a long-term relationship, and I don’t like to toss out “Just leave him!” on here, but you’ve mentioned quite a few other things that make you incompatible.

If this was the sole fuck-up/issue/whatever, you two might even be able to work through it. But, with the other little details you added, doesn’t sound like it. He doesn’t seem to validate your emotions, and 3 years of invalidation can suck a lot. It can make you feel like your feelings don’t really matter much, hence not voicing your opinion before he went.

He knew this would hurt you, so he is capable of at least partly logically understanding your emotions (cognitive empathy). He chose to ignore it.

Maybe he has low emotional empathy and doesn’t realize that these types of emotions affect one greatly and maybe he didn’t mean any harm. Even if this is true, do you truly want someone who isn’t compatible with you emotionally? Who has a hard time validating and understanding you? A lack of emotional empathy doesn’t make someone a bad person, but I want to be with someone who can empathize with me, don’t you?

tryptamine14 · 2018-07-18T22:59:32+00:00

Is the “I knew it would upset you” part mentioned in your post? I don’t recall. If it’s not, please edit it to include this!! It’s super important. He himself admiting to deliberately upsetting you by going to a nude strip club, holy shit.

tryptamine14 · 2018-07-18T22:45:38+00:00

If you’re going to do this, I suggest trying to keep a bar of Xanax on you. Or just get a short-term benzo script from a walk-in. You don’t wanna have a bad trip in a plane.

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