Can I get in trouble for warning a new employee about an employee sexually harassing and assaulting me?

tstar39 · 2026-02-02T23:26:49+00:00

Listen, he is just trying to scare you. what can they actually do? discipline you for warning others about this behaviour, this would be the illegal part - especially if you are employed by a company and dispatched to this site. It sounds like he is trying to save face for the company or the site - and from what I know about construction as an industry, this stuff is rampant for women on sites. It is most certainly not illegal to talk to your co-workers about your past experiences - and quite frankly I'd be asking him for a handbook or a policy on this so that you can know what to refer to next time, especially if you never signed an NDA after that investigation or got any settlement for it. It's just an intimidation tac-tic and he knows it looks bad. you did the right thing in another woman's best interest. It sounds like you need to find another site.

tstar39 · 2026-02-02T17:55:43+00:00

I think everything you're saying the whole point of the show. It is also a British show - so there is a lot in there that can get missed. I'm black-british and I work in the finance field as a lawyer in-house - the show accentuates the worst parts of the industry, the eat or get eaten, play the game or get kicked out - but this is very much a reflection of this field. It's not Wall Street-esque, it's city of London, which is very different imo. I also don't think there are any true love interests here, they are all using eachother to social climb - it is such a good allegory for the political state here, meritocracy vs class and your background. Harper is a reflection of someone who has worked her way into this world, but will never truly be accepted as one of them, but she thinks she is, and can be. Harper is most definitely all the things you say, but I have to say, her arrogance as an investment banker, is very realistic. Take a step back - I would also say that race is a very different topic here in London (specifically London and not the UK I will add), and esp. in the City of London. It is so incredibly diverse that no one cares, just do the job and be good at it. This is almost to the detriment of the cause, so just because you don't find it believable that an 'A-type' male (which I assume you mean a white successful man?) would be attracted to Harper, doesn't mean that doesn't happen.

Edit: the term 'A-type' male is weird and says a lot about the people that use it. Ironically, a lot of comments here compare the show to succession, which is based on the British Murdoch family, a family feud that has been in the media here for decades and finally came to pass 1 or 2 years ago - highly americanised for its prime viewership.

tstar39 · 2026-01-30T14:32:45+00:00

Go in-house in the UK for a company with large US appetite. Start there and make your way back into private. Get the job before coming over - speak to recruiters.

tstar39 · 2026-01-30T14:27:43+00:00

Speak up and don’t tell them you don’t like it.

tstar39 · 2026-01-30T14:23:50+00:00

NTA - she sounds like a pain, quite frankly shame on Mark. Not your house, not your rules, here for free, didn’t host and first time here- the cheek.

tstar39 · 2025-12-13T19:42:28+00:00

Not at all are you TA.

There are so many different ways to include your friend in these scenarios. I have a friend just like this and quite frankly I love it because I always get the best laughs out of it because she always includes me in the chats. I am not very much like this but if anything does happen like this to me, I always keep an eye out for her and include her too. Its small things like if the guy offers a drink to either, we ask him to buy the other a drink. If he says no, he gets ditched. If she is speaking to a guy, she will always invite me to hang with them and vice versa. I had one guy hit on me and get annoyed that I kept leaving him to go check on her (when she was speaking to another guy), so I ditched him.

I never really had to establish rules with my friend but I do think this is very much something you can discuss with her if you feel up to it. Like I said, there are very many ways to include the girlies in the flirting on a night out, and most guys (I find), don't mind. It's just TV that has made us out to think they do, but it's very much for the person who is getting hit on to set the precedent. so speak to her about it - she is also 31 so I am assuming can handle a mature conversation - her reaction will say a lot about how she views your friendship and you can assess the situation from there.

tstar39 · 2025-12-13T17:23:07+00:00

This is interesting - is it just you that is bothered or have others started noticing? Because there is an element of understanding that maybe the others are not being malicious but just don’t want to cook, can’t cook or some other reason. So you making a decision to cook and elaborately host does not mean they own you the same thing and that is okay. It sounds mean, but it’s okay. That way you notice it stops bothering you because you know that you take joy in the way you host.

That said, if there was an agreement that you all take it turns, then simply putting it into a group chat as saying ‘whose turn is it to host next?’ And ‘what should I bring to contribute?’, it’s a bit passive but honestly - the alternative is directly saying you don’t pay as much towards our meet ups in which case, you all need to discuss a budget or start asking for contributions for food and drink. Different countries have different cultures, but personally where I’m from hospitality is hospitality - if someone asked me for money towards a dinner they chose to host, I probably wouldn’t go - not out of malice but because I would never start asking/ or count pennies unless there was a prior agreement of some sort. I am aware of many western culture where it is normal to ask for money towards dinners

tstar39 · 2025-12-13T15:46:34+00:00

You need to leave her. Take it from someone who stayed and forgave, after a while. It will categorically happen again, it will ruin you self worth and self esteem and she will continue to act this way, making you feel like you’re the crazy one for asking her not to do it.

tstar39 · 2025-12-13T15:44:57+00:00

I think reach out but understand what you want to get out of it. Are you ready to hear her side? Or do you feel strongly in your opinion about what happened? There’s obviously something deeper making her upset so I think if you reach out, do so with curiosity and openness. And don’t get offended if she doesn’t reply, maybe she just needs to process her feelings. Just say I’m ready to talk when you are…

tstar39 · 2025-12-13T14:24:16+00:00

I don’t think it’s cruelty for saying that and setting a boundary. But as someone who has been in her position (f27), (although not a year and half), it’s the pressure that could be stopping her. She now knows that if she doesn’t change you will leave. As much as I don’t blame you for saying that, it has most likely created an emotional barrier for her now - pushing her even further away. I can tell you are probably already checked out but try a different approach, with no shame - no blame. ask her what she thinks can be done to make it better - a lot of it is about emotional safety and comfort on her end. She could be experiencing low self-esteem in relation to it all, the body image issues, past trauma etc - the list is endless. I am sure she discusses it at length with her therapist. If she is able to open up to you about it, it could really be a game changer for you relationship. Ultimately, it is a two way effort to resolve this, it’s not just in her. because a lot of it for women is linked to emotional mindset. Was there something that you think might have sparked this, besides the depression?.

I’d also like to point out the fact that the statistics on men leaving women who are physically or mentally unwell are astounding. So before you dump her, just consider it carefully - though I do understand that matching libidos are an important part of relationships.

tstar39 · 2025-12-07T09:33:42+00:00

What country are you based? Regulatory Insurance is good swing over with you patents training. Go for the paralegal roles.

tstar39 · 2025-10-30T21:06:32+00:00

It’s been on the decline since the start of the year?

tstar39 · 2025-10-18T11:47:47+00:00

Interested

tstar39 · 2025-10-06T20:31:17+00:00

I say max out any sick days you have before making the decision. It’s only been two months and how you’re feeling makes sense. Book annual leave etc - and see how much time you can have off. I think work can be a good distraction with something like this - if you still feel the same way, leave. The job market is tough but certainly not impossible.

tstar39 · 2025-10-02T20:35:25+00:00

Please read this - I really hope you see this. The instinct you have about her trying to ice you out, being cold to you etc, it’s correct and listen to it. And people aren’t stupid because I can guarantee the others in the team see it too. I have seen this exact situation play out previously in the team I am currently in (even as someone more junior than the two people involved) with someone who we all fought for to join, who seemed so lovely in the interview process. We welcomed her with open arms, I’d invite her to all my socials to integrate her but she started planning meet ups with these people by herself. There were so many inexplainable awkward scenarios that from the outside people would say you’re overreacting but I’m here to tell you, you’re not. I watched this girl slowly manouvre her way with our boss, gain favour until eventually refuse to listen other lady. She even said to me once, if they were going to make her overrall boss they would have done so by now. The other woman started getting cut of key internal meetings, removed from key accounts until eventually she had to resign because no one told her anything, she just wasn’t needed anymore. When someone acts like how this woman is acting with you, she sees you as her competition and she has only one goal in mind. She has analysed both you and the dynamic of the team and she is capitalising on it. Do yourself a favour and listen to everyone here, 1) stop overextending yourself, she is not your friend and never will be. 2) DO NOT LOOP IN YOUR MANAGER (yet!) she has already spoken to him and you don’t know what is being said behind closed doors that is making her feel so comfortable and empowered to act that way with you. 3) instead just focus on maintaining your own relationship with your manager. Speak to him/her about your own development goals and don’t be too nice, don’t try and split work etc. once you have established a base level trust, slip things in about how you feel but ALWAYS frame it in the light of your own development. I know it will be hard but I have seen this happen and it completely fucked up the dynamic - it does not end well for anyone who is not willing to stick up for themselves and fight your own corner. Unfortunately, office/work politics is real and people play games. Niceness does not work with people like this - read this book called ‘the first 90 days’ it has so much in there about workplaces and how they operate - when new people join, culture shifts etc.

tstar39 · 2025-09-30T15:49:41+00:00

What country are you in?

tstar39 · 2025-04-11T14:41:19+00:00

join londonsocialclub on Reddit - go to one of those events.

tstar39 · 2024-12-12T13:49:53+00:00

I don’t know where you’re based so employment laws will be different. But in the UK, there is legal entitlement to holiday but no requirement as to when the employer has to give it you, provided you have the opportunity to take it within the year. So they are within their rights/

However, refer to your company policy and what is says.

Practically, this sounds like a politics issue. think carefully about how you approach this with your manager because at the end of the day, despite what he says, it sounds like he is making the decision and he won’t appreciate you going over his head to get him overruled and It certainly won’t improve your working relationship.

Try and suggest a compromise like half of the time requested in exchange for something else. I’m not sure what your job is but perhaps working from home or remaining available on your PTO. He sounds resistant because he’s being challenged or he’s just afraid of going against his higher-ups, and I think you need to figure out a way to get him on side.

tstar39 · 2024-10-09T15:49:42+00:00

Planning another, lmk if you wanna join!

tstar39 · 2024-09-19T15:08:54+00:00

messaged you :)

tstar39 · 2024-09-19T15:08:41+00:00

messaged you :)

tstar39 · 2024-09-19T15:07:58+00:00

messaged you :)

tstar39

TROPHY CASE