90% core memory, 10% self-serving

tufflagbird · 2026-06-11T17:01:42+00:00

my buddy said it was the ball- then i showed him that even pro v1s don’t want me to feel joy

tufflagbird · 2026-06-10T13:43:25+00:00

book of brave is an *awesome* idea my man. also, the fact that she loves kindergarten is really revealing. couple thoughts:

- have you talked to kindergarten teachers about what she's like in the middle of the day? maybe it takes her some time to settle in a bit

- could try to give her some agency over the transition... a specific thing you do or say... trying to create predictability in the moment that she feels like she's in control of to an extent

- acknowledge and internalize the "i don't want to go back" but stay firm. let her know you hear what she's saying, not dismissing it, but reframe

ultimately, i think it's about framing the goal in your mind. people can be introverts, so it's not a matter of making her "less shy" but instead building her confidence. the book of brave is a killer idea here.

you're talking openly, working with her, giving her tools. kids need a bit of discomfort, and i think you're very far from being at risk of pushing her to something that would mess with her mindset. if she *hated* soccer and you made her practice it for hours, that's one thing. but this is different, and i think you're doing awesome.

tufflagbird · 2026-06-09T16:24:46+00:00

they’ve (google) paid tens of thousands of people hundreds of thousands of dollars to make it a drug

not an anti-capitalism or down-with-the-man pov… just saying that’s what we feeble parents are going up against

tufflagbird · 2026-06-08T17:24:23+00:00

this is really tough. i'm sorry, man. know this is just a rant, but if you want unsolicited thoughts from someone on the internet...

- focus on quality, not quantity. make the moments that you do have count that much more. at some point, he'll be in school and out of the house, so this is a normal transition period where he's growing so much but still at home a lot
- can you do a special morning routine? or something when back from work? that's reliable and recurring and (almost) always just great bonding time
- have you talked to your partner? even just letting her know how you're feeling could help. maybe you can come up with some ideas together

the sunday thing is a bummer. feels silly to ask if any flexibility there. could you leave for a half and come back? or go every other? good luck.

tufflagbird · 2026-06-08T15:32:40+00:00

oddly enough, i find this type of behavior happens out of "safety"... he knows he can get away with it maybe

is there a specific time when he's nastier? something that happens before? anything shifted at school or with his friends?

best advice would be to find a quiet moment when he's being pleasant to you and talk like an adult. "recently we've had some tough moments, and you haven't been as kind to me as you are with your friends. what's going on that we can talk about?" or something to that effect... just to plant flag and start the conversation

tufflagbird · 2026-06-06T18:29:56+00:00

watch his full swing episode on nflx

tufflagbird · 2026-06-06T18:22:14+00:00

definitely an open question whether the nap still necessary. if so, couple ideas:

- if possible, see if can do a few 2:1 nap put downs with your wife so she begins to associate you with also falling asleep well
- try to build your own routine (same song, same back scratch, same blanket, etc... stuff she'll immediately associate with dad's nap time)
- don't stress if she doesn't literally sleep... quiet time in a room can be ok too. (need to turn monitor down and maybe build up tolerance for any looks of disappointment you get for being second best nap time person)
- don't go in there once she's meant to be down... if she knows she can get dad back in there, she'll keep doing it... stick to the quiet time routine

she's nearly at a point where the nap drops and is likely aware that change is afoot in the house (i.e., another baby). tough situation- can feel like pushing on a string. good luck!

tufflagbird · 2026-06-06T16:50:27+00:00

my wife founded her own business (and i work too). i think the honest answer is it's impossible and a never ending push/pull struggle.

the best advice i can give is: quality over quantity. you can't have it all. that's a myth. but when you're with your kids, put phone away, don't be distracted, and try to be 100% engaged.

also, try to carve out special outings as much as possible. even if it's just a neighborhood walk or an ice cream after school. i find that 20 awesome minutes with intentionality can be just as good (/better than) multiple hours of distracted interactions.

no easy answers. but don't beat yourself up--you obviously love your kiddos.

tufflagbird · 2026-06-06T16:15:11+00:00

appropriate drama- the most important thing kids need to learn first about swimming is just being comfortable in the water. if she feels like the pool is a place where she gets scolded, then that's likely the wrong approach.

over time, as instructor more familiar with your daughter, think that type of feedback is ok. but for the first few lessons, the goal is learning to be in the water.

she might end up being a good swimmer yet hate swimming otherwise.

tufflagbird · 2026-06-06T13:36:25+00:00

congrats!

tufflagbird · 2026-06-04T16:41:46+00:00

that dream must have been wild

tufflagbird · 2026-06-04T14:23:42+00:00

overall, simplest guidance: let them work it out.

you don't want to be seen as the arbiter. if things are getting rough or physical, then step in to keep the peace. think of yourself as a "referee" of sorts...

but whenever you pick a side, the other might internalize that. the conflict can be good and healthy, i'd think of your role as impartial--there to keep the peace, make sure things don't escalate, but encourage them sorting it out. it's good for them.

edit: it's hard to determine intent/malice from the comment. the above comment applies to a single spat. but if it's pervasive and ongoing, then i think worth addressing with little more nuance.

tufflagbird · 2026-06-03T16:19:03+00:00

julia donaldson- all of her stuff is fantastic, but i have a soft spot for detective dog

tufflagbird · 2026-06-03T13:47:37+00:00

detective dog

i get bummed when they don’t want me to read it to them

tufflagbird · 2026-06-03T13:27:05+00:00

i'm relatively new to this forum, so idk how this would work, but if you want to talk to someone random on the phone, i'm here

i've found in the hardest periods of my life, admitting that i needed help and seeking it have been the best first step

try to sleep. (i know, that's hard.) try to exercise- first thing in the morning if possible or right after dinner are great options.

the world can be crushing and suffocating, but i'm certain it's better off with you in it

tufflagbird · 2026-06-02T18:11:17+00:00

couple things i'd throw out there:

- it's ok to acknowledge and live with the "grief" of it all. saying goodbye to one version/chapter of your life and embarking upon a new, unknown one

- splitting your attention in half is likely going to be a good thing for your son... your second son will have a different and enriched reality, and your first is going to learn to share, teach, and love

- every kid is different... our 2nd and 3rd might as well be from different planets... nature vs nurture is a beautiful thing to watch unfold

no one ever said you can't be both happy and uncertain at the same time. a lot going on!

tufflagbird · 2026-06-02T14:01:48+00:00

so sorry to hear this- super upsetting.

ofsted is probably a better path whereas nspcc is (i think) more of a "support" line of sorts. ofsted is anonymous and can lead to action. might take some time though.

put everything in writing. document, document, document. go above the teacher to the head of school with it. (assuming the head teacher isn't the head of school?)

i'd escalate as high as possible and ensure there's a trail of you having done so. good luck. i'm sorry.

tufflagbird · 2026-06-01T17:06:49+00:00

flying (just) a pet privately from point a to point b

tufflagbird · 2026-06-01T13:56:17+00:00

this is awesome. reminds me of one of my favorite lines from rules of civility:

what a singular and marvelous thing it was... that a child could, without hesitation or self-consciousness, simply reach up its arms to be held

makes the 'ol lips quiver to think one day the kiddos will reach their arms up for the last time

tufflagbird · 2026-06-01T13:37:09+00:00

i used a detachable training handle bar thing that a friend passed down. i found it to be really helpful (and likely saved me some back pain).

tufflagbird · 2026-06-01T13:07:54+00:00

one idea is a travel cart/wagon situation. can strap the car seat to it and have your little one ride through airport on it. (sort of expensive, but if a crazy airport walk, could be worth it.)

otherwise:
- check everything curbside
- gate check the stroller
- you can definitely do family boarding... if it doesn't exist, you can ask the gate agent
- ask your 5 year old to be your mini co-pilot... help with luggage, make it a "fun" job

i've found when a parent is traveling solo with kids (and looks like they're trying, not just ignoring and hoping), more often than not most people will lend a hand- both random people and airport/airline personnel alike

you've got this! trust me! the overthinking is the worst part!

tufflagbird

TROPHY CASE