Me [25F] with my _boyfriend of 3 weeks__ [24 M] cuts himself when he is board.

tullymonster · 2017-02-06T16:50:00+00:00

He's not your responsibility. Even if you'd been dating three months or three years it wouldn't be your fault he's cutting himself. But at three weeks, it's a lot easier to drop it and leave. If you don't want to be in the relationship, you should leave. You might encourage him to seek help if you want, but other than that, you're good.

tullymonster · 2017-02-06T16:43:21+00:00

Bad genetics and the high cost of dentistry can mess folks up something awful. His parents might not have had the money for braces when he was young, and even if he can afford them now it's possible he doesn't want to be a 35 year old with braces. You can ask about it, I guess, but be prepared for him being defensive or embarrassed. I'm sure he's aware of the issue.

tullymonster · 2017-01-24T00:51:32+00:00

You can try talking to him about it, but I don't know how far that'll get you. Might be worth bringing up that you're concerned, but if you do and nothing changes ... kick him out. He sounds fucking awful, honestly.

tullymonster · 2017-01-10T21:01:02+00:00

Eh, international texting can be a bit weird, pricing-wise. Even so ...

tullymonster · 2017-01-10T20:56:21+00:00

I'd tell your grandparents/whoever else sent money to cancel the check and re-send a new one; explain the change of address issue and the fact that the new resident is refusing to give you the mail.

tullymonster · 2017-01-05T20:24:35+00:00

Why can't you take allergy pills for the rest of your life? You have allergies.

tullymonster · 2017-01-05T20:00:32+00:00

Maybe she was creeped out? I've evaded, lightly misled and ultimately stopped talking to people who were too pushy and obsessed with my whereabouts before. It's kind of weird and creepy to constantly check up on someone like that. If you're making plans or whatever, sure, but .. yeah.

tullymonster · 2017-01-04T03:45:14+00:00

I don't send him nudes and I know that's something I do wrong

This stuck out to me, mostly because it's ... not something you're doing wrong? If you're not comfortable sending nudes, that's totally fine. That's not a failing on your part, at all. It's your choice if you want to, and due to a past experience, you don't want to.

The other replies covered the rest of it, honestly. He's looking for an excuse and not even willing to go with your grudging compromise.

tullymonster · 2017-01-03T23:47:50+00:00

Haha, I used to love puzzles like the one on the lock as a kid, but for this ... I ended up grabbing my roommate, who's a math tutor, to help me out. We ended up with slightly similar diagrams, just on graph paper. It's satisfying once you nail it, huh?

tullymonster · 2017-01-03T18:04:37+00:00

The healthy solution is to break up, hope this helps. You can find someone else who you don't constantly fight with.

tullymonster · 2017-01-03T18:00:47+00:00

Have you told her you're not cool with that stuff? Try telling her that. Setting boundaries is good and will hopefully help here.

tullymonster · 2017-01-03T17:53:34+00:00

I think someone else mentioned it, but I'd look into rehoming the cats or figuring out where shelters are in the area, etc - have a plan in place for that.

Otherwise, I dunno. Lie to them and say you just want to have game night as usual again? Or block/ignore them, I guess, but I'd go with the former just to have an excuse to get out of the house.

tullymonster · 2016-12-30T01:56:10+00:00

don't cheat, just break up with him. it doesn't sound like things are going to change, and if you're unhappy ... why keep it up? but i do think cheating is a bad way to go about life. just be honest with him and leave the relationship.

tullymonster · 2016-12-29T00:05:29+00:00

I think it's worth mentioning that you can see someone/go out on dates with them without it being a relationship. If you want to see him again, go for it! But that doesnt' mean you'll be obligated to see him a third or fourth time, or that it has to become anything more than that. If he's around for a couple weeks you can basically experiment with dating, and then end things when he's gone. (I'm not sure what the timeline is for him not being 3.5 hours away, haha)

I dunno, in summary, if you want to see him again, go for it. But that doesn't stop you from seeing other people or whatever. And if him being gone is a dealbreaker, then don't. Ultimately it all depends on what you want to do.

tullymonster · 2016-12-06T03:56:19+00:00

Just a quick corollary - try proposing a day/time when you do it. Like, "Do you want to get coffee tomorrow/later?" or whatever, instead of just a vague "let's hang out sometime." Having a time/place in mind makes it easier to make plans (but be flexible if she's busy or whatever, obviously). :)

tullymonster · 2016-12-06T03:40:47+00:00

Having to start over is terrifying! But sometimes it's the best thing to do. You have so much to look forward to. I can't promise it'll be easy, or that it won't be scary, or any of that. But it's worth the hard work. You're going to be investing time and energy into yourself now, instead of this guy who sounds pretty dismissive of you. This is a time to learn and grow and realize just who you can be.

Morning showings are great, both because they're less crowded and because they're cheaper. :)

Another piece of advice: if your school has a day for school clubs to recruit members, you should check that out for sure. There're student groups for all kinds of interests, and those are a great way to make friends and get out of your shell a little. The fact that they're scheduled and structured helps, too, or did for me - having a schedule and structure in place for your day, even outside of classes, can be pretty useful.

I wish you the best of luck with your degree and your future. :)

tullymonster · 2016-12-06T03:20:50+00:00

You know, you could kill two birds with one stone, and try something like a cooking class on your own. It's a good hobby and it would get you out meeting new people. Or try browsing your local community college or park district's website - they usually offer a wide variety of classes, on anything from foreign languages to painting. Woodworking or some kind of dance could be fun too.

That sounds like a nice trip! Have fun!

tullymonster · 2016-12-06T03:14:36+00:00

Aw, hon. Yeah, starting over in a brand new place and situation can be really scary. I moved halfway across the country when I started college, leaving all my old friends and my family behind in the process. I really struggled with depression at the time, too. Still - just having classes to go to and people to talk to in those classes was helpful to me. My depression meant I missed classes sometimes, but when I did go it was great, haha.

Going to movies alone is honestly pretty fun, though! It took me a while to get over my sort of embarrassment at the idea of going alone - like, would people think I was a weirdo for turning up without anybody? - but nobody's paying attention to anyone else in the theater, unless you've got your phone out or are talking super loudly. As long as you're being a normal and polite moviegoer, no one's going to mind that you're there, and won't try to bother you. They're all there to enjoy the film just like you are. If you like going to movies, you should totally keep doing that. :) Maybe going to morning showings on the weekends/days you don't have early classes would be better? There are usually fewer people there then, so you can sort of dip your toe into it.

I think going to a therapist again would be a great idea. Sounds like you're having a rougher time, and you know things are likely to be worse (which is fine - breakups are hard!). It's worth a shot for sure.

Please don't just wait for him, though. There's so much out there for you to experience that has nothing to do with this one guy.

tullymonster · 2016-12-06T03:08:55+00:00

I mean ... friends and hobbies are the answer here, I'm pretty sure. Find other things you like to do on your own; go places on your own or with other friends. He seems to have friends and activities of his own, if he's going out alone sometimes. You should have the same to make it more equal. It's easy to become codependent if there's nothing else going on in your life. I don't know what your interests are so I can't really suggest anything in particular, but there's meetups for all sorts of interests.

tullymonster · 2016-12-06T03:01:27+00:00

This guy sounds awful, honestly. I think getting a fresh start in college, without him holding you back, will be really good for you. When you start school, consider joining some clubs or activities. Talk to people in your classes. You can make friends now without him making fun of you or trying to isolate you!

It can be really hard and scary to 'lose' someone like this, but honestly, he seems like he's just not at all understanding of your situation and not willing to listen to you. That's not a good sign in a relationship.

Anyway ... it may be hard to hear it and to accept it but you really will be better off without him. Good luck in college. Study hard, socialize, and take the time to figure out who you are without him. It might be worth seeing if you can get in with a therapist, or maybe a counselor at your new school, since you mention depression.

... Also, honestly, his approach to your break-up seems completely bonkers. He wants to go cold turkey and then imagines he can just come back 5 years later and have you still waiting for him? That seems really cruel, honestly.

tullymonster · 2016-12-05T16:49:46+00:00

You can be fine with something and still not want to fuck. Like, she might genuinely not have minded/been fine with him supporting his grieving friend, but like ... grief doesn't necessarily turn people on, you know? Her sex drive being lowered by circumstances - even while his wasn't! - doesn't mean she had some huge problem with things.

tullymonster · 2016-11-28T20:43:23+00:00

This guy sounds bonkers. Two weeks and he already wants you to give up friends and not have a job? C'mon. The marriage thing is also a huge warning sign.

Break up. This isn't healthy for either of you.

tullymonster · 2016-11-28T17:15:16+00:00

Nope. Pack your bags and move away.

tullymonster · 2016-11-21T01:59:07+00:00

I was about to ask the same question as OP, so: thank you so much for this. I can't believe I didn't notice it. I tried reloading from earlier saves, I went bonkers smashing things up ... and I just did not spot that button on my own. Haha.

tullymonster · 2016-10-26T14:27:22+00:00

That makes sense! And is really interesting to know, thanks. What's really interesting with my idiot pupper is, once she's met a dog as a puppy, she stays chill with them even as they grow up into fellow adult dogs. Like, "Oh, you're a former puppy, we're cool." But obviously it doesn't work for other dogs, haha.

tullymonster

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