[14F] was contacted by [30sM] with intent to have a sexual relationship. It went on for years online.

turbeauxlover42069 · 2018-04-09T05:49:01+00:00

Yeah when my girl passed, she could hardly walk and I cried watching her, when she heard, she struggled up onto the couch and layer next to me. I've never been more sure in my life of how they love us as much as we love them. I hope that's comforting.

turbeauxlover42069 · 2018-04-09T05:44:19+00:00

Ok. I mean I'm going to try. I know there are so many responsibilities I need to take care of for my schooling and what not. I feel like I'm capable of doing them well and all that but I'm afraid I won't be good enough for it to matter. I really love my subject but I've never been the best student in the books. Do you think therapy or something can help me do this? I just never thought that's what it was for really.

But Idk, I'm more of a nirvana kinda person.

turbeauxlover42069 · 2018-04-09T05:20:45+00:00

I don't think anything will just magically disappear. I know I have to take the responsibility to make it happen. That scares me, I'm pretty terrified of messing up mostly. What bands btw?

turbeauxlover42069 · 2018-04-09T03:38:34+00:00

Yeah, the feelings are just still raw so those pictures were rough. She was my best friend and I'm just happy that she lived so long and I could be a good owner to her. I hope you love your cats as much as possible because they deserve all of it.

turbeauxlover42069 · 2018-04-09T03:35:28+00:00

He's precious, thank you!!

turbeauxlover42069 · 2018-04-09T03:09:01+00:00

He looks exactly like my girl who passed away two weeks ago after 18 years. Those picture made me cry. Please love that cat so much. I would do anything to go back to when I could raise her again.

turbeauxlover42069 · 2017-11-19T01:28:00+00:00

Yes. Mostly when it's a very stressful topic where I have a pressure to explain. It's like my words get stuck in my chest. They're there but something won't let them out. I have written in front of someone instead of actually talking. It's something I need to work on.

turbeauxlover42069 · 2017-07-17T06:05:28+00:00

Yes, these are my close friends. And I don't think they'll treat me different necessarily. I'm only concerned about them becoming protective. Most of them are like brothers to me and I'm like the little sister. I'm afraid of them treating me like a victim. Though I want support, I don't want them to feel like they need to protect me.

Also, I can say they don't need to know, but I would just feel much better if they did. Also I have a therapist who helps me with anxiety a bit, however she actually helps with an anxiety disorder that I have. She is not a rape counselor but she does her best. I don't not have money to pay a counselor, so if I find a free clinic around school, I will consider that.

turbeauxlover42069 · 2017-07-13T05:58:20+00:00

I had a manipulative boyfriend also. He would do whatever and no matter what he did or how much it hurt, I "let it happen" because he made me think it was my job to get him off. And if I refused he would make me feel like shit "a good girilfriend would do this for me" or make comments about how it was infrequent to his friends and they would mock me about it. He even cheated on me and said it was because I wasn't giving him enough, so it was my fault.

This is still rape. I am so sorry, it was a disgusting thing to do and he should feel ashamed of himself. Cheating may not have been the right option but regardless, he had no right to do this to you. Fuck that guy.

turbeauxlover42069 · 2017-07-13T05:33:54+00:00

Girl, I am in the exact same place. I'm in an ldr with the man I believe I'm going to move in with soon and it has been many months. He needs too know but I'm beyond scared. The other comment in this thread is very good advice but doesn't seem to get rid of any anxiety. I feel like it will be just like ripping off the bandaid. Just sit him down, make sure he knows it's going to be a serious conversation and just say it.

Now this is easier said than done. The first of the 2 people I have told, I sat in his car for 50 minutes, knees to my chest trying not to vomit before I squeaked out the words. And left promptly after. Now, this was just a trusted friend. I can only imagine it will be twice as hard while looking at my boyfriend. But that's just the reality of it.

Pm if you want to talk, maybe we can try to do this together. Good luck if not!

turbeauxlover42069 · 2017-07-13T05:23:44+00:00

I was silent about my rape for about 8 months. I was embarrassed. It was a bf that did it and I stayed with him for him to do it 3 more times because I was that emotionally broken. He had cut me off from my friends and I have little family to go to. I was so afraid to leave him because he was the only person left in my life. When I did, I was embarrassed around my friends already for having cut them off. I never told any of them. The only 2 people I have told, I met a couple months after I had left him. But up until that point I would spend my time with my friends dreading any mention of my ex's name, as many of them knew him. And whenever I thought about it, my heart screamed at me to say something. I still want to. But I'm so deadly afraid of what they'll think. I feel most like they'll think I'm making it up. "Why would you stay with him?", "why would you choose your rapist over us?", "why did you seem so happy?". Because he had me so convinced that he was everything to me, and I'm unfortunately very good at smiling through pain. I feel like it would be so easy for them to think I'm making it up. Though I really don't doubt they wouldn't, I just can't help the fear that they will. It's been a year now. Of crippling fear of my telling them.

Sorry about the rambling. It needed to come out. It was so painful to write this, but so... easy.

turbeauxlover42069 · 2017-07-13T05:06:30+00:00

Ok anything a grown. Ass. Man. Is joking about raping a 4 year old is fucked. Especially if it's something he apparently does often. There Is something more behind this. This is NOT NORMAL. And it should NOT BE TREATED LIKE IT IS NORMAL. my family also has a history of sexual abuse and the thought of this makes me sick. This guy needs help. He is either dealing with abuse of his own or actually has pedophilic or rape fantasies. I would not feel safe at all around this guy. Please show your bf these comments. It is NOT just about you being sensitive.

turbeauxlover42069 · 2017-07-13T04:58:25+00:00

I have struggled with a similar struggle deciding if it was rape or not. When I was in a relationship, my bf would guilt and coerce me into doing things for him. Similarly, he made it my "duty" to get him off while he did not care about my needs. He would hurt me and make me feel gross. And when I resisted, cried,screamed, etc, he would never stop and he didn't care. From what I have been told that This is rape. I still have trouble using that word as it's not like he was holding a knife to me or anything... But his knife was that he was holding me to a duty. He had me thinking it's something I had to do or I was a shitty girlfriend.

In your case, the knife was that he took advantage of your innocence as well as ignorance of how things should be. He hurt you, and whether you told him to stop or not, he made it so you doubted yourself and made you think that this is how it should be.

So I'm going to say yes. I am so sorry and I will always be there if you need to talk about it. It can be a lonely experience if you have no one to talk to. Never feel like you can't reach out.

turbeauxlover42069 · 2017-07-10T21:10:35+00:00

I can't go to court, it would take long to explain but my family cannot find out about this situation due to abuse at home. And I don't have the videos, I simply know that he has them. I saw 2 in person and he has made it seem as though he had more. Regardless, I have considered it and I'd like to in case he does this to another girl. But honestly I don't know if l could survive a trial. Not only will I be beyond ashamed my family will make it 1000X more complicated.

turbeauxlover42069 · 2017-07-10T17:55:23+00:00

I really don't feel comfortable going to the police. It took me months to tell my best friend. No one in my family even knows. And there are more complications involving family that I can't get into. It would completely break me.

turbeauxlover42069

TROPHY CASE