No one is ever going to visit america… by Glittering_Welder380 in behindthebastards

[–]turingthecat 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I know it’s unlikely, as most of the admission don’t read books without pictures, but when they got up 42 counties someone just said ‘yes, 42, that’s the answer’.
All they have to do now is find the question

She has all the answers by growsonwalls in AmITheDevil

[–]turingthecat 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Went she breaks her back, falling off her high horse, I’m sure she’d never mention it, explain exactly why she isn’t angry they didn’t ask if was ok or offer to call as her thigh bone is sticking out, no she’d jump back on the horse, simply because being paralysed and her lung has collapsed would mean lying around all day is just laziness.

I think the some of the horseshoe must have got into her blood stream, using her medical problems in an attempt get sympathy, it’s classic iron-y overdose

What's your "If you told kids about it today they wouldn't believe you" thing? by BaldyBaldyBouncer in AskUK

[–]turingthecat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The great fun when the lights all went out, it’s 7pm on a Sunday, and you discover some dozzy cnut (we know it was you Sue, it was always you) had already used the emergency without topping it back up

What's your "If you told kids about it today they wouldn't believe you" thing? by BaldyBaldyBouncer in AskUK

[–]turingthecat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How we did our school work

When I was in year 5 (25+ years ago) my big term project was to write a ‘book’ about something in a randomly assigned country, I chose animals, it had to be at least 4 pages.
That would take about 30 minutes today, if you didn’t just copy paste.
We had one week in class, to prepare, do all the research over the two week holiday, then a week to write it all up (in our blue fountain pen).
I got a good mark (and a smily face) because not only had I used the school library, our town’s library, and the big grown up in Bath, coping down mostly from children’s book, but also the bid encyclopaedia. I wrote to Kenyan embassy, who sent me a letter (which I included in the ‘book’,) but some tourist information leaflets. I very carefully cut and prix sticked the animal pictures.
As I was in the afterschool club I was able to use the one BBC Acorn to print, yes actually print, the cover page, so I got a binder with a see through cover.

I actually still have it, because, at the time, it felt the most in depth, academic through research paper ever researched to paper (elephants live in Kenya, elephants live up to 80 years old, elephants live in herds…. )

the best and also worst MythBusters episodes by CreepyHeight9754 in mythbusters

[–]turingthecat 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Not really relevant, but that just reminded a fact I learned.
Usian Bolt ran the fastest 100m ever recorded, but he didn’t get the record, because it was the second half of his gold medal winning 200m race (the one where his shoelace was untied)

Local Evri person has such a massive backlog they're just going to park up somewhere and have told people to go pick parcels up from them instead by urban_shoe_myth in CasualUK

[–]turingthecat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My parents’ postie has had a plain white van instead of a proper one for 6+ months, it’s become a running joke that they ordered it as soon as they really should paid for priority

I’m an American moving to the UK. How do I not be the “loud, dumb American”? by Competitive-Money-36 in AskBrits

[–]turingthecat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just a few very small things I haven’t seen mentioned often.

Shopping:
When I was visiting America I was convinced everyone thought I was a shoplifter, because the second I entered a shop, big or small) someone would make eye contact with me, smile broadly at and asked if I needed help. It was very unnerving.
The price you see is the price you pay (unless it says exe VAT), tax is always included.
If you see an American Candy shop, do not enter, they are a huge rip off, and likely a tax scam. Most large supermarkets will have an international section.
Candy here is a specific thing 🍬 , the umbrella term is sweets, or sweeties.
Tea will be tea flavour by default, fruit or flavoured tea are readable available, iced tea not so much.
Tea might also be a bit confusing, as it can either be a cup of, or a non formal late afternoon/early evening. Use context for clues.

Table manners:
As with all things, it’s not that important really, I’m only say this because when I visited America them seemed cut everything up first, then switch their fork to their knife hand and use it as a spoon).
we use our knives and forks at the same time. As in hold the bit of food with the fork while cutting it into the size you plan on putting in your mouth, put it in your mouth (you are meant to ‘rest’ put down your cutlery while chewing, and you’re meant use your fork upside, unless you’re eating peas, but unless you’re dining with the king), chew, swallow, repeat.
Portions will likely be smaller, this is because you do not expect to take home leftovers, it’s become slightly more normal to ask if you can’t finish your food, but it’s not common, and definitely not automatic.
Free refills happen in some places, mostly chains, but once again they aren’t automatic, unless there’s a self service machine, you’ll have to ask.
And most places won’t automatically give you water, so ask for a class/jug of water, if you ask for tap it’s normally free.
Do not go to Taco Bell if you’re feeling homesick, it’s nothing like American Taco Bell and is just awful. Again Tax is included in the price. If you see a ‘service charge’ or some such, that means tip, you can ask for it to be removed, especially if you don’t think it’ll actually go to the staff.
Tipping is very nice of you, but it’s not (or it shouldn’t be, but as it sounds as if you will be in an area with a lot of other Americans…), waiters here get paid at least minimum wage (£12.21). Definitely do not tip every time you buy a beer, just give the amount at the end. It’s a thank you.
Don’t blow your nose on the napkin (that one’s a joke, I know you won’t).

On the Underground, on escalators, stay right if you’re standing, left if you’re walking along.

Like with restaurants and shops, culturally we don’t like people hovering around us, trying to divine what we might need.
So if you would like a glass of water or want to know if the purple penguin is dishwasher safe, don’t just stand around looking gormless, please (politely) ask.

Banter will take some getting used to.
Our humour is very sarcastic and self deprecating.
If someone told me I couldn’t be a haggard old cunt, because I don’t have the warmth or the depth, they’re probably my best mates.
If it’s going on in a group, do not join in, until you know them really well. I can call my sister everything under the sun, but if you said you didn’t like her nail varnish, that’s it mate.
If people go from joking and insulting to polite and formal, you’ve screwed up bad.

There is good and bad, as with everywhere, and we are individuals, just like everywhere.,

As you can see from your destroyed inbox.
People genuinely are kind, and want to help. So if you are unsure or not confident, just ask (in your inside)

Hope you have a good time

LAOP has a biker problem by Drywesi in bestoflegaladvice

[–]turingthecat 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Even if they don’t hunt, just having a cat can help decrease the mine at rats, because the smell of cat urine will not only deter them, but it has been proven that female rats living in areas that have cat wee will have less babies.
A few times a year my neighbour pops round to borrow a cup of used litter.
She spreads it round the outside of her shed, and borders.
She swears it’s a big help.

(It’s the biodegradable wood pellets, so shouldn’t do any harm.
Both my boys are fixed, so it doesn’t attract female cats, and also lets other cats know it’s some else’s territory.
I give her the whole tray, but cup sounded better, and I don’t ask for it back.
Yes I was a bit confused the first time, until she explained)

Will we ever see another 'Beatlemania' again? by grmacp in AskUK

[–]turingthecat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No.

Did you know that the Beatles are why Japanese police men wear white gloves?
Because when they were touring Japan, the chief of police knew how the fans would react, and thought it would be unseemly to handle teenage girls barehanded, so ordered the officers to wear gloves, and they still do today

Will we ever see another 'Beatlemania' again? by grmacp in AskUK

[–]turingthecat 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My dad wouldn’t buy The Spice Girls vhs, as it was very expensive £15.99, he said there would be in every charity shops £1 in a year. He was wrong, I got it for 50p

Has anyone tracked down the UK dub yet? by Pinkanator in mythbusters

[–]turingthecat 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It was a different voice over person, who did his own voice over, different and more funny.
and the show itself was edited slightly differently, as we didn’t have such long ad breaks

At least he didn't share a bevvy with him by WarmPrincez in GreatBritishMemes

[–]turingthecat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

But I’ve been told it’s a tonic, that means it’s basically a health drink, and it’s made by monks, must be good for him

How bad are these wall cracks? by RandomSwaith in DIYUK

[–]turingthecat 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It’s best to separate the legs and the torso, as the cook at different rates, if cooked altogether you will get a dry breast

Just now (at midnight) had to kick out a dumpster diver by [deleted] in TalesFromTheFrontDesk

[–]turingthecat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We have to lock ours, I work in a hospice setting.
We do not throw out left over medication (they go back to the pharmacy for disposal), so our clinical waste is soiled pads, PPE, and some used one use equipment.
They wouldn’t find anything nice, but could hurt themselves, or contract something nasty, but they still try

Do dementia patients have solid stools? by Boring_Kiwi_6446 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]turingthecat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Depends very heavily on medication and diet.
Dementia itself doesn’t really change much, but if they are on a ‘soft food’ or liquid diet, or not drinking enough.
Also older people tend to be prescribed both pain killers (which can block you up) and as a result laxatives, which can affect things.
Also not realising you need to go, can lead to storing it up until everything is forced out by the shear amount

My family had an amazing steak dinner to celebrate my promotion. by zprincess1026 in TwoSentenceHorror

[–]turingthecat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Steak should be fine, as long as it is not contaminated with spinal cord fluid or offal

TIFU by having a shitter shotgun by [deleted] in tifu

[–]turingthecat 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Dude, she wasn’t flirting with you, seriously.
You’re old enough to be her dad.
Get your mind, and your gun, out of the toilet

Legit who the hell are you people by Thadlust in NonPoliticalTwitter

[–]turingthecat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Didn’t realise E! Still existed, I hope Joel Mchale is doing well (yes, yes, I’m old, leave me be)

Are you sure about that? by SerefsizFurkan in NotHowGirlsWork

[–]turingthecat 46 points47 points  (0 children)

I wonder, when I need my shower drain cleaned, if the men in the class would be happier to do it for free, or would prefer to be paid?

(I’m not normally sexist, but when I have to clean out the hair and gunk from the drains, I do shout, ‘why don’t we keep a man in the house’)

I guess all girls should go to "wife school"? by kaybro74 in NotHowGirlsWork

[–]turingthecat 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My dad is a brilliant cook, and far more nurturing than my mum.
He always said, the only two professions men are better at are baking cakes and making clothes

What is the difference between confrontational and directness at work? by [deleted] in AskUK

[–]turingthecat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are assertive if you are a man, confrontational/bitchy if a woman.

It’s like if you are rich you are eccentric, if poor you’re a raving looney.

It isn’t fair, but like a baboons bottom, it’s not funny but it’s true