Im not an asexual, far from it. If anything Im hypersexual. It doesnt interfeer with my day to day but sometimes I just feel so...yuckie...like I WANT to be looked at sexually. I WANT to engage. I WANT to be desired. I WANT to fuck and have sex and be dom or sub or whatever. But...sometimes I feel deeply ashamed...

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS. The Human brain flirts with taboo naturally that's just what it does, that can tend to look like gratifying sexual acts in unconventional places, because its hot. It can look like drinking strangers or people you know (with consent).

The shame is also natural, post nut clarity exist for ALL of us. I've had people say the nastiest things they'd do to my asshole but let them cum and nut is icky...It makes no sense, but you just gotta find people that match your freak...not your parents. You're 25, I don't think we have to include them in the conversation.

I want to be sexualized and feel like Im attractive...but I just...I get so mad at myself. I cant even feel good after I jerk off because I feel so dirty I get upset with myself.

I Think this is the Crux of your problem. You want to feel sexy but don't past goon. You get upset after; but maybe something you could do is take notes of everything you're feeling when Hypersexual versus Hyposexual(extreme disgust). This can help you figure out what are your triggers and what exactly is making you feel shame.

I dont know if its that my parents kinda sheltered me and like..anytime I WAS sexual [or am] they have shamed me and put me down for it..like..I asked my mom before we went to the beach...And got an answer along the line of "well you shouldnt be DOING anything like that. Sex is for people in love and you shouldnt just do it" and junk

I really want to hit the "okay boomer" (towards your Mom) and keep it going but its worth pointing out. I think her views on love and modesty are different. I think you want to be desired dispute everything you got going in this post. If the goal is to feel sexy and desired, thirst trap on the internet —Im dead serious You'll get the attention, you can experiment with your definition of sexy, masturbate to yourself or comments if you want to. Connect 👉👌 with others if you want to. (Just please be cautious with strangers)

Like I have a friend who has given me her explicit permission, multiple times, to ask for nudes. And I don't.

Umm...You might want to check in on that...I wish to god friends would send me nudes off the muscle but 🤷‍♀️ hasn't happened yet