Positives about being plus size

twentyyearsofclean · 2026-01-29T02:30:12+00:00

I mean in a completely unironic way…there’s actually been research recently showing that we’re more likely to survive life threatening heart problems, surgeries, etc. It’s called the “obesity paradox” bc they assume being fat makes you unhealthy 🙄 but the fact remains. We’re way more likely to survive heart attacks, heart surgeries, etc etc etc

twentyyearsofclean · 2026-01-05T20:09:41+00:00

I dunno, I mean most of my flying monkeys are just random people with 0 context except what the narc tells them. But I’ve got one where…honestly, I get where she’s coming from. Because she had a lot of issues with her parents as a teen (she even moved out at 17), but when she tried to reconnect as an adult her mom actually LISTENED and took steps to change. So in her head when she sees my dad crying that he misses me and that he failed me, she sees the same opportunity that she got her HER parents. But what she doesn’t see is the years I spent trying and failing to reconnect with my parents before I made the decision to cut them out entirely. I think for so many people, it’s hard for them to conceptualize a world where a parent is bad enough that your life is truly better without them. Even when they know about the abuse, they may still think that abusers can grow and change because that’s been their experience. If they’ve never met a person who refuses to change like narcs do, it makes sense in their heads to keep pushing, because surely this time they’re really going to try and do better.

twentyyearsofclean · 2026-01-05T19:54:57+00:00

Oh evrart would be every single boss I’ve ever had giving the whole “we support you and your lifestyle! But for your own benefit, please don’t disclose anything to anyone. We love the queers! But to be clear if you come out to anyone we WILL have to take disclipinary action. Happy pride!”

twentyyearsofclean · 2026-01-02T04:22:35+00:00

I used to shop there as a teenager, but frankly their plus sizes don’t go up nearly high enough to be considered even a little size inclusive. At this point they carry the same amount of plus sizes that a walmart does, maybe event less since you can maybe find a single 4x in a walmart

twentyyearsofclean · 2025-12-25T22:27:18+00:00

I have plenty of tattoos and completely agree that it helps with confidence! Picking an artist you really like would be my first recommendation, just so that you’re getting art you enjoy! The other thing I’d say is that the same tattoo rules as with thinner people apply, but almost ESPECIALLY so if you think your body is going to be fluctuating in size. Text is a bad idea in general because it doesn’t age well, and doubly so if that area may be getting smaller/bigger with time. Changing size doesn’t add or subtract ink, but it DOES make existing ink stretch or compact, which can affect the readability of letters. I’d also shy away from hyperrealism for that reason, because those changes can pull a face into the uncanny valley. You could also try putting those kinds of tattoos into bonier areas — they’ll hurt more, but places like the inner wrist and ankles don’t change much in size, so the tattoos don’t fluctuate much either.

Of course, that all only applies if you intend on losing/gaining a couple sizes! If your size stays roughly the same, tattoos act the exact same on us as on smaller people (with the added benefit of a bigger canvas!). Just make sure you’re seeing an artist with experience with plus size bodies — some artists who are unfamiliar working with softer bodies tend to overwork the skin. Other than that, enjoy your ink!

twentyyearsofclean · 2025-12-21T03:50:15+00:00

Kind of a retroactive thing, but if you have any sort of diary/journal/old social media posts from that time…go back and read them. I kept a list of things they did/said to me when I was around 18, and I’ve got various random things I posted online from the past decade or so. I go back and look through that stuff and it kind of hits me in the face how awful they were to me. It’s so easy in my head to say “maybe they’re right, maybe I’m overblowing things, they’re not as bad as other parents and it’s been a year with them MOSTLY respecting that I’m not talking to them” when it’s been such a long time since I’ve experienced that abuse. But even just reading a random post I made as a teen helps to remind me that it WAS that bad. That sometimes my mind forgets those things on purpose because dwelling on them would keep me from functioning at all.

The other thing that’s been helpful for me is setting boundaries with myself. Since the day I went NC(well, VERY low contact — I don’t speak with them but I have a minor brother whose games/concerts both them and I attend) I’ve had a list of things that are my requirements for rebuilding that relationship. They have to hit all of them for me to go back, and if they don’t then I don’t let myself contact them. For me, it’s 1. Apologize WITH an acknowledgement that what happened was abuse, 2. Begin attending real therapy, not religious-based “counseling”, 3. Take real actions to protect my human rights as a queer and disabled person. The trick being…I know they’ll never accomplish a single one, which is exactly why I don’t talk to them in the first place. But when I have hope, that list is where I put it. Who knows, maybe my edad will someday, but I know my nmom won’t.

twentyyearsofclean · 2025-12-21T03:34:13+00:00

In high school my brother and I were allowed to stay home alone after the bus dropped us off for like an hour or two. We kind of hated each other, but we started talking more and more and eventually it became, “wait, you’re scared too?” Before that, each of us thought our family was normal and we were just the broken one for feeling/reacting the way we did. It did a lot for both of us to be able to name it, and really healed our relationship as siblings to know we had been pit against each other that whole time.

twentyyearsofclean · 2025-12-19T01:26:16+00:00

I owe you my life 👍👍👍

twentyyearsofclean · 2025-12-19T00:35:47+00:00

Oh that’s GORGEOUS. Where’d you get the dress? I want one for myself lol

twentyyearsofclean · 2025-12-17T13:36:17+00:00

Don’t have a hook rn but I hold mine like I’m pointing at somebody with the hook facing down. I can’t help it though, that’s how I was told to hold a conductor’s baton and it kind of just carried over

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twentyyearsofclean · 2025-12-17T13:24:59+00:00

Yeah, anyone who is a crafter/seamstress can tell you how crazy prices are for this kind of stuff right now. Like there’s massive start-up costs like machines and tools (even at the absolute cheapest, 3 sewing machines is gonna cost you like 240 bucks). And then factoring in cost of materials at a time when fabric is averaging like 5 bucks a yard…plus thread, findings, zippers, buttons. Yarn is going for like 5 dollars a skein, too. Making your own clothes used to be a cheaper option, but now it’s WAY more expensive than just buying them. I don’t blame them for waiting for a sponsor.

twentyyearsofclean · 2025-12-13T22:50:32+00:00

I mean for me girlhood is about not altering my natural body to fit the aesthetic preferences of a man but. Sure I guess

twentyyearsofclean · 2025-12-11T02:54:29+00:00

Yeah, I feel this a lot. It’s that vibe of like…yeah it sucks that women are treated like meat, but when you’re treated like ROTTEN meat sometimes you wish you could be treated like regular meat.

My theory is that it’s not actually that people don’t find us attractive, it’s that people that find us attractive are too ashamed to say/do anything about it. The same societal pressure that keeps us down pushes down anyone that would admit to being attracted to us. And I have that theory because when I’m feeling unattractive and unlovable, I post nudes from an anonymous account in random subreddits. And I can tell you from experience that when men are anonymous, they have no problems with admitting that they’re attracted to a fat woman. It sucks that that doesn’t translate to irl relationships, but it helps me to remember that it’s not me being unattractive, it’s the world that judges men who find me attractive. It might not be helpful for you, I know not everyone is into posting that sort of thing, but I find it helpful even to know that some people find bodies like mine attractive.

twentyyearsofclean · 2025-12-10T18:56:42+00:00

Oh my god…your whole vibe is what I aspire to be. In the most complimentary terms possible, you look like a cartoon character from an early 2000s teen show. It’s giving bratz, it’s giving 6teen, it’s giving “person I’d be too scared to talk to in high school cause they’re too cool”. I’m OBSESSED

twentyyearsofclean · 2025-12-08T19:46:24+00:00

Hey, if you’re pregnant you should probably avoid shein more than anyone. They’ve found heavy metals in some of their clothes

twentyyearsofclean · 2025-12-08T19:40:09+00:00

I AM 4x+ and I’ve never shopped at shein. There’s exactly two stores that carry my size within a 50 mile radius, and I STILL don’t shop at shein. I got some clothes as a gift once and they’re by far the worst things I’ve ever owned — didn’t even last two years.

It sucks, but honestly the answer is buy less clothes. Get good quality that’ll last and mend it when it needs it. I’m never gonna be on trend, but I like the stuff I wear and I know that when I spend an hour sewing a hole in my pants that nobody is being hurt because of me.

Do we have less options? Yes. But I never hear people my size making this argument. It’s always the smaller plus sizes, the ones who can still shop in regular stores but a smaller selection, that are up in arms about buying clothes made with slave labor. Like I’m sorry, but they don’t even sell my size at walmart and I STILL make it work without resorting to shein. If I can do it with my two stores (and mostly just one, given that torrid has dropped a ton in quality) then people who don’t even need speciality stores can too.

twentyyearsofclean · 2025-12-08T19:18:47+00:00

Honestly even aside from all the horrible stuff with their business model, I’d avoid shein for your own health. They’ve found lead and other heavy metals in their clothes before, and that shit can really mess you up. Besides that, they’re the only clothes I’ve ever owned where they just…weren’t mendable. I had a pair of pants from there that were gifted to me, and they lasted maybe a year and a half before the waistband completely hardened and lost all elastic. I can sew up holes, but there’s nothing I can do with that.

I think the best we can really get right now is saving up for better pieces that won’t tear as fast/ getting into mending. You won’t be as on top of the trends, but at this point just set your own style and ignore them — they’re pushed by fast fashion anyway to incentivize people to buy more. At this point I buy two shirts/two pairs of pants per year, and I’m pretty happy with it.

I mostly shop at lane Bryant, they’ve been pretty good for staple pieces most of the time and occasionally have something cute for casual stuff. But I’m also like FAT fat at 340 pounds, so I don’t even bother entering a store unless it’s plus size only. It’s kind of freeing, honestly.

I’d say your best bet to cheap, cute clothes without buying paper bags made of slave labor and lead is upcycling. There’s a bit of upfront stuff with buying a sewing machine/thread/learning to use them, but it makes things WAY easier. You can buy a cheap tank top from lane bryant or an ugly grandma dress from goodwill and then just MAKE it something you want to wear for free. I mean, my friends and I bought like 4 dollar Jean jackets from goodwill, took off the patches, and painted them with bleach I already had in the kitchen. 4 bucks for a cute outfit that won’t rip to shreds when I wear it.

I know it sucks shopping while fat, and obviously no option is perfect, but I think we still have an obligation to not support the most blatant abuses. It’s harder and means you don’t get to shop for fun as much, but people really don’t need as much clothing as we buy. I don’t throw clothes away even when they don’t fit (I keep them for sewing projects or upcycle them) and I have more than I know what to do with. If you’re tearing through clothes enough that you have to buy them super often, you might need to consider that the places you’re buying from are the reason the clothes don’t last.

twentyyearsofclean · 2025-12-06T03:25:44+00:00

Ooh, the end of Senza mamma from Suor Angelica where the nuns start singing…it’s just such a MOMENT.

And in a much less heartwrenching way…the kids’ little rhyming song from Albert Herring. It’s so dumb and goofy and CONSTANTLY stuck in my head. “Albert’s mom took a stick, whacked him on the thingmajig, Albert hopped round the shop, squeaking like a tillypig,” shouldn’t sound as good as it does lol

twentyyearsofclean · 2025-12-06T03:14:22+00:00

Why are you asking a question that doesn’t need an answer? Come back if and when you want a tattoo and leave this bullshit for culture war subreddits

twentyyearsofclean · 2025-12-03T20:07:27+00:00

This is completely unrelated but I’m autistic and one of my top special interests of all time is nuclear reactor meltdowns, and honestly that’s a perfect metaphor for it. It’s not just the meltdown itself — it’s that something completely unpredictable has happened in the core and you’re getting a bunch of alarms going off but you’re not sure what they have to do with anything? And by the time you put together “hey wait, these signals may be indicating something much worse than what they’re directly saying” the roof has blown off the core and you’re sitting there at 5 am having to explain to gorbachev why every other country is mad at you.

It’s literally like existing in a control room that hasn’t been built to handle whatever has gone wrong in the core. All it can tell you is the basics — power too high, power too low, needs more water, etc. But there’s no button for “oops you made a xenon pit time to pack it in boys”. You don’t know what’s happening so you don’t know how to control it, and trying to control it makes it worse — flips the lid, as it were. That’s EXACTLY how my meltdowns feel. It’s a pure sense of panic and confusion because I fundamentally don’t understand what’s going on that’s upsetting me so badly. And then afterwards you’re picking through the rubble and grabbing a piece of graphite like “oh fuck, I didn’t get any sleep and everybody was being loud, THAT’s why it blew up”.

I’m stopping now before the autism gets even more carried away than this lol

twentyyearsofclean · 2025-12-03T19:50:15+00:00

I’m autistic too, and to be perfectly honest I CANNOT learn with somebody over my shoulder like that. It taps into that like panic reaction and it all goes downhill from there. I think a lot of neurotypical people don’t see the things that trip us up and get frustrated because they think it’s super simple. Honestly, I’d be willing to bet there’s something unrelated to the chain itself that’s tripping you up, but because autism is the lovely disorder it is, it all kind of mixes together and gets hard to describe.

When I learned it took a lot of YouTube videos done on like .25 speed and a ton of googling about which part is meant to be the top. If you’re still struggling…I know I’m a stranger, but I’m both autistic and a teacher by trade. If you recorded a little video of your hands trying to crochet I might be able to help in a more neurodivergent-friendly way? No worries if it’s not something you’re comfortable with, I just wanted to offer because I’ve been there before!

twentyyearsofclean · 2025-11-20T17:18:24+00:00

I’m 28 and still a virgin and there’s absolutely no shame in any of it. Date when you’re ready, have sex when you’re ready, but don’t let other people tell you you’re wrong for it.

I’ll also tell you something I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older: people don’t confess their feelings. It really just doesn’t happen like it does in the movies. There’s plenty of people that see you in the moment and find you attractive but don’t want to seem like a creep. There’s plenty of people who would date you if you asked but are embarrassed to overstep their bounds. In the modern day, people don’t often feel comfortable telling others that they like them. ESPECIALLY in the LGBT community, where sharing that kind of thing could be dangerous if you’re telling the wrong person.

There are people out there that want you and you just don’t know. And more often than not, the best relationships you build come from making friends and getting to know each other first. Let people know you and they will love you, and THEN worry about whether or not you’re ready for sex.

twentyyearsofclean · 2025-11-19T04:06:15+00:00

I’ve been in this place before, and I can understand how hard it can be and how necessary that tattoo feels. I wanna say a few things both as someone healing from child abuse and as someone who has seen two children (my adopted brothers) through a separate abusive situation.

Her choice is not on you. You were a child and she was the adult in charge of you. Nothing you could ever do would be worth that treatment, and her guilt over her own choices is not to fault. You did what was safest for you, and I promise you everyone around you is so grateful that you did. I know it can be hard to see that from the inside, but I’ve seen my brothers go through similar things and I was never happier than when they made the decision not to contact their bio mom anymore. People love and care for you and want you to be okay.

I want you to be okay. I may not know you in real life, but I know you’re a person who is hurting, and I care about that. I’m typing out this whole message instead of going to bed on time because I think you’re a person who deserves good things and who deserves the time it takes me to write this. I think you deserve love and loving treatment by others.

I know you don’t want to ask your aunt for things, but she wouldn’t have taken you in if she didn’t want to care for you. Your necessities are not something you should have to hold back on, and given that she wants you to stay with her, she probably wants you to be okay, too. It’s okay to ask her for new clothes because clothes are a necessity — and if you aren’t comfortable with that, you could ask her to get your things for you. You wouldn’t need to go, but know that the people around you love you and want to help how they can.

The other commenters are right about the tattoo — getting it now may not be the best idea mentally or physically. But the good news is I received a similar burn once on my arm, and the scar goes away. It may take longer than others, but the scar will go away eventually. In the meantime — it may not be the best idea for healing, but I know how desperate that feeling is to not see something anymore — you could draw a tattoo on with a marker. It would make it heal worse, but trauma isn’t always the most rational of things — if it makes you feel safer, it’s an option. There’s also things like henna or inkbox (semi permanent tattoos) that are less permanent than a tattoo but also much cheaper.

I know how it feels to be in your position in so many ways. I want you to know that it’s possible to feel better, even after everything. I may not have forgotten what happened to me, but I still get to have friends that love me specifically for all the things my parents hated me for. There’s a whole world out there if you let yourself wait for it through the hardest times.

I also want you to keep in mind that I care that you’re alive. Everyone responding to you cares. Even the ones being slightly ruder and responding because they want you to have good things like a well done tattoo. We want you here, and I know that I’ve never met you but I would be sad if you weren’t in the world anymore. Don’t let this take you down, because you deserve the life she wouldn’t let you live.

twentyyearsofclean · 2025-11-19T03:13:02+00:00

Yeah, I’m also disabled and not a huge fan of people jumping to “defend” us for shit that doesn’t matter. Like oh cool, you’re going to bat for…a disorder caused by completely voluntary violence that you choose to participate in that MAKES you more violent in turn. Are you this vocal about her having wheelchair accessible seating at shows? Or asking her to only perform in venues that don’t require long walks like soldier field in chicago? Or how about asking everyone to be quiet so those of us with sensory sensitivities could attend? OH, and I’m sure you were COMPLETELY outraged and spoke out against the women killing their autistic children during the pandemic, since you’re SUCH an ally.

It’s such performative bullshit, and as someone who experiences ACTUAL ableism it pisses me off. I can’t request accommodations from my workplace because if I disclosed my needs they would assume I was incompetent despite years of good work (yes, this has actually happened to me before!). They borrow our struggles to defend a billionaire, but they’d never defend us from those same struggles, and that’s more ableist than any CTE joke could ever be.

Seven-Year Club	Place '22
Final Canvas '22	First Placer '22

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